A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years but we aren't having sex anymore. We have probably had sex 5 times this year. We're both in our 20's so libido isn't the problem! He complains I am not horny enough- this may be because of the pill? but I still get turned on all the time, just not by him... I have told him hundreds of times that he needs to learn how to turn me on but he doesn't listen, I am also a little shy so its hard for me to show him how. We also seem to want sex at different times, I would like it at night but he always seems to get hard when I'm getting ready for work or something. We are both frustrated and I know he has looked at porn which I HATE the idea of but I can understand why. Communication isn't a problem as we can talk frankly about stuff like this but nothing seems to change. help!
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horny, libido, porn, shy, the pill Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (29 July 2009):
 Well, the problem isn't really sex. The problem is that the two of you are not communicating.
Great relationships are never really made in heaven, and because neither of you seem to have psychic powers, the important talking has all but ceased.
I know you can't just get rid of your shyness, but you might have to sit your boyfriend down, take a deep breath, and go for it. You have to tell him how you feel, how you hate him watching porn, and exactly how you would like him to turn you on.
If you don't, I fear your relationship will continue to drift along, and the things that you are not talking about will become huge 'unspoken' issues.
He doesn't listen? Make him listen, by bending his ear. The fact that he watches porn is NOT your fault. You are a perfectly normal, healthy, horny woman. The fact that he doesn't know how to turn you on, and doesn't seem to want to try, is HIS problem. He can't go hiding behind porn for his make-believe sex. How does that benefit you? It doesn't. And it probably gives him no emotional release at all.
Don't give up talking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): OH my goodness! I can't offer much advice, but I can tell you I am in the exact same situation!!! I'm 23 and in a relationship of 6 years. I've probably been having this problem for 3 years. I assumed the pill was the problem as well so I stopped taking it months ago. Unfortunately, it hasn't seemed to help. I hope things get better for you. Please post again if you find a solution!
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