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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have got a problem. Last thing I would ever have expected, but there you go…Pornography. Yeah-yeah, you’ve heard it all before, right… But listen.About 6 month ago I find porn on my married-for-a-long-time husband's computer. I try not to over react. But I am basically devastated! (About all the same reasons mentioned here before-and believe me I have read a lot of posts trying to get to the bottom of this.)So, I think I should probably try and understand it better… Do some research prior to the big confrontation with him. I look at all the websites he had visited as per the browser history and then I start clicking on links etc.At first I am so shocked. I am from a very conservative upbringing, and relations with my husband has always been good. So I am very taken aback with all his bondage stuff…Every day when I get home from work and he is not there, or when he is in the shower I am on the computer trying to find out what he is fantasizing about and why he had to do all that, when he has me, ready able and willing…Now 6/7 months on and I am watching porn all the time. I get up in the early morning to watch it. I have all this fantasies about having it on with multiple men at the same time. I have no interest in what he is doing anymore. I just want to see more of what I like. I have looked for swingers clubs in our area but not done anything about it. Another fantasy. I find it almost impossible to climax with my husband now, unless I picture lots of different men in the room with us. I now have multiple pics stored on my computer of 15 men, one girl type of thing.I worry that my husband will find out that I am thinking about other men now… But it makes my heart beat faster and I look at people and imagine how shocked they will be if they now what I am thinking about. It feels so illicit and exciting!Only thing with my husband is, that normal intimacy seems so mundane now…What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): it's practically normal. you're just having the usual sexual fantasy. but doing it for real, like the one you mentioned, "[looking] for swingers club", is definitely a no for any married couple! you and your hubby can watch porn together, like what my gf and i used to do when we were together. porn shouldn't be looked upon as a form of infidelity per se because it's not. as one observer has put it, the desire to be aroused or wanting to cum with other women isn't the barometer of a man's love for his wife/gf but a measure of a man's horniness or men's sexual nature. and since you've developed a penchant for porn yourself, you should be in a better position to understand your hubby's hitherto peculiar liking for porn and can now begin to explore sex/porn on a new level and deep understanding. good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): I am torn between the doing it together answers and the seeking counseling one. It does sound like you are now completely addicted, but I think I would try the telling him that you found it and like it and want to watch it with him solution first. If that doesn't help then counseling would probably be next.
This is a complete switch on the typical porn question.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 One thing I have recently learned is how women perceive the tricky subject of porn. Many men seem to believe that watching a bit of porn here and there is just a bit of harmless fun, while many women wonder why a man would watch porn to arouse himself, when he has an able woman to call upon.The subject has many different angles. I believe that you felt somewhat betrayed by the fact that you had to 'find' the porn, instead of your husband being upfront about it. But what do you think now? You are also hiding what you feel about porn. The solution may be to watch porn together. The solution may be to stop watching it completely, and re-discover the joys of each other. The solution is not to go looking for the physical contact to make the fantasy real. That is not what you need to do, fantasy and reality are usually poles apart. All I can say is that I would not try to act out a fantasy. Use your imagination, watch porn with your husband, or dont watch it. But the first thing is to decide to be upfront with him, or confront him about what he watches, then see where you stand. Keep talking, and don't give up on your marriage.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Seek counseling. You've described a problem that is causing problems with your marriage and sex life, problems with your daily life, and you are hiding it from him.
Same as if you'd asked about a drug problem, or a drinking problem, or another addiction--I'd tell you that you need professional help to sort this out.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (28 July 2009):
 WOW well im thinking your husband will be thrilled he doesnt have to hide his pornwatching habits from you and the two of you can act out some of your fantasies togahter.
You should confront your husband tell him how you discovered his porn and you like it and you want to try new things etc
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A
male
reader, Jamez +, writes (28 July 2009):
 well, you can either stop. or you can find that club and get a threesome or two to stem your sexual craving. its normal. but the corse you can take i am not to shure, but satisfying your thirst might be a good way to start.jamesxxx
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (28 July 2009):
 why not just watch porn together then? loads of people do with no problems.
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