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*nittingclub
writes:Our eldest son is 15 and has gotten in the habit of borrowing my records without permission (it seems he likes Sixties music). While he was at school yesterday, I was looking for another album. I found two others in his room, so I started searching everywhere for the third one. That's when I lifted his sheets and found out he's been collecting pornography.I know it's normal for teenage boys to be curious about sex, and I meant to put the stash back. But I couldn't help noticing they were all pictures of one model. I did a quick Google search and found out she's a Playboy girl. He keeps about 50 laminated pictures of her, all labeled. He also writes poems about how beautiful she is and how much he wants (to sleep with) her. After first I thought this was sweet--at least it was a girl! But now I'm starting to wonder if maybe these are signs of obsession and perhaps I should remind him that Playboy girls aren't very realistic. It seems like he's investing an awful lot into this fantasy. I had all sorts of crushes when I was a girl. Still, I thought it was different for boys. I can't tell whether it's just hormones or something more.My husband passed away last year; that could be why I'm so hypersensitive. And obviously this is an embarrassing subject to bring up with my son.
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reader, boo22  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 Hi there. My dad died when i was 14 and i remember my mum looking through things i considered to be private and i still think of it with a shudder even now.
It all sounds perfectly harmless to me, just a guy with a giant crush. Relax mum x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): All I can tell you is what I was like at 15. I was desperate about my privacy, and aghast at my evolving sexuality. For my mother to have so much as hinted that she had an inkling what was going on in my head would have been shattering. (In hindsight, of course, she did the laundry -- I'm eternally grateful that she never said anything).
Have you seen the YouTube video making the rounds from the U.K., about a boy's family telling everyone they meet that he's begun to masturbate? It's intended to be funny, but the part of me who's still 15 inside cringes when I see it.
I don't know how old you are, but perhaps you can recall the poster of Farrah Fawcett that was, shall we say, ubiquitous on boy's walls in the 70s. That sounds different only in degree from what you found.
It sounds to me like your discovery is in no way a cause for concern. Particularly since he's lost his father, it's vital that nothing unnecessarily hinder the best possible relationship between the two of you. Say nothing, do nothing.
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reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (3 September 2009):
 I really feel for you and your son with the loss you both suffered. It can be hard for kids to go through that loss.
At age 15 he is at the point in his life called puberty. His interest in a Playboy bunny is simply something that he's fascinated with.
Boys at that age are going to be curious about a lot. Its funny, as the 60's is immortalized as the free-love generation.
I think its possible to address this with him if you're quite forgiving. The boy and girl brain at puberty are hopelessly mismatched. First of all boys are going to be sexually aroused by anything. Literally. Its a sad fact.
Us guys when we hit puberty are cursed with terminal horniness. Girls have the same problems but in different ways.
Guys are on the hunt, and girls are looking for something else entirely, but are still on the hunt, just not for the same things exactly.
The point of all this is that he is going through a phase. The only concern I have is that he's obsessed with one girl.
However, when I was in high school, my friend was obsessed with one girl throughout the entire four years and across different schools. Its one of those things. Something about that girl turns him on apart from any other girl out there.
So to get back to your problem, I think you can address porn simply by accepting that he's interested in sex.
Without his dad there, you just have to be good to him, be nice and explain to him that you want the best for him and that's it. Don't make him feel ashamed. In fact you should tell him in no uncertain terms that he should never be ashamed of being a sexual being. You want him to know that you understand and you are not against it, but you'd rather he learned to meet and respect real girls than fantasize about models. In the end, the best advice you can give him will make sure he has a good life instead of a good fantasy life.
As for the records. Well they don't fit in a CD player, they're hard to squish into an iPod or iPhone and so he's fascinated by music that existed in a different day and age in a format almost extinct by today's standards.
I think its interesting because the fascination there kind of tells me that the crap they feed our kids has finally reached a new low. And so, when music dips below par, we look to the past.
Its nice to see that he enjoys the same music you do. Its a starting point.
Try and be forgiving though. From what you're saying, he's just curious and working on himself. With a little bit of guidance and an open heart, your son should be fine despite the loss of his father.
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reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 September 2009):
I'm by no means an expert on teenage boys but I would imagine that letting him know that you KNOW what he's been up to would be HORRIFYING to him.
As his mum you are the LAST person who should know about his perfect and undying devotion to this girl!! (In his mind at least.)
What you could do, is just take a very very very subtle approach. Just point at girls on billboards and point out where they have been airbrushed. IE. EVERYWHERE.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYfwIAWWH6M
This video will give you a hint at the things to point out.
Point out the girls on tv in their bras are probably really plastic and messed up in the head.
Give him little hints about respecting women, and why a nice girl who he treats right is the BEST thing he can find.
Also, have you got a male friend / brother / any man who can come in and talk to him about this kind of issue?
Again, be aware that he will feel threatened by them. They aren't his dad but are coming in here and trying to boss him about when HE is the man of the house. But if you point out that they are simply there if he needs to talk to someone about something he's not happy talking to you about, then it might help. Be honest and adult about the fact he can talk to you about anything, but if he doesn't want to you understand and want him to have another option.
To be honest, he will probably find a girl in school who looks nothing like this play boy girl and fall in love with her instead at some point.
Don't worry too much. (Although I know you will because as his mum, that's your job!)
Good Luck!! xx
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