A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last year i was best friends with a girl who has recently turned out to be my worst nightmare. At the start of the year see, my father had cancer and started getting chemo, which made me sad. And i told my friend, and it seemed as though she sorta did care, but then not long after started nagging me for a party.From then on last year, she changed. She bragged about herself and her family nonstop, and put me down, and others. It seemed she spent alot of her time talking about how good the joint 16th would be for her, and she would invite all of her cousins (she has alot) and how she wanted 200 people for the party. 200!?! At the time it seemed too much, so i convinced her to let the numbers down to 150, even then, for a 16th it seemed to be alot of people.I had a feeling the more and more she talked about it that it wouldnt just be celebrating my birthday (by then mine had passed), it would be mainly for her, and i would be funding half of it (apparently $100-$200 at initially) and i became less enthused by the idea. Me and her then made a really bad choice, which was bad judgement on both of our parts: we handed out invites to party that was still to be planned and decided where to be held, but without discussing it with either of our parents. When i told my mum, she was angry (understandably, in hindsight) that i had not told her about it, and ruled out so many people. My mother tried to negotiate with her mum, who made us do alot of running around to find a venue, and never contacted my mum when she said she would. My friend ended up getting a little impatient becuase i was becoming less and less interested in the party. The more she nagged me, and told me about how she told me (again) that she wanted 150 people at the party, my mum ended up saying no becuase it was too much stress for her and my family with my father haing chemotherapy, and her working full time, and the girls parents not contacting us to organise any of the plans.In the end i decided i didnt want to do it anymore, and sort of didnt get back to her about it, becuase all i felt like she would ever do is nag me.Turns out that she was picking on me one afternoon, and i asked her to stop, and she got really annoyed at me. The next day when i tried to work things out between us in class, she started going off at me BIG time, and released information infront of the whole class about me like how i used to have OCD when i was younger, and that she was the only one there for me when my ex dumped me (which is completely untrue, she wasnt my only friend). I was so hurt, it ended up being one of the most embarassing days ever. How this is all relevant is that, after that, she started going around to people at school, my friends (which i had many at the time) and saying nasty things about me, spreading rumours etc. I preferred not to do that to her, but it was starting to get hurtful, she would ring me up and harass me when i was at home asking how i was going to make up for the "16th she never had", and was hurtful especially when she got her cousins one night to contact me one night and tell me how stupid i was.My popularity declined fast last year, and now everyone seems to be friends with her, and she talks herself up constantly and acts like shes Queen Bee.All the people in my grade that are her 'friends' dont know the hurtful stuff she said to me a couple of months before about them, and they think shes a genuine friend, when she says nasty things about them.In top of all this, its come to school holidays now, and ive had practically noone to hang out with at all, and so i am trying to organise a gettogether for next friday night with me and some girls in my grade, but this girl found out about it and rang me up trying to be nice to me (which is weird coz she completely ignored me on the last day of school last year when i tried to be her friend) and i think she was trying to get invited. Since she found out about it, she has already talked one of my friends out of it, and probably more than one friend. It's really starting to upset me that she is basically spreading so many false rumours (everything thats gotten back to me is false) that my she has dug me a social grave, which i dont feel is fair, becuase i consider these people in my grade to be my friends, and i was (before the fight with me and her) really happy and really close with all the girls in my grade. Now i feel like i have noone that im close with, because shes taken all my friends. One of my friends that i used to be particularly close with before i befriended this girl has now become close with her, yet i remember my friend telling me that this girl used to send her abusive email messages in year 8, so i dont understand why theyre still friends, plus this girl has called my friend a whore etc, but she doesnt know that. I really dont know what to do, it all seems very unfair.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): Your "friend" seems to be only concerned with herself. Since she is probably used to getting her way, she was upset that the party didn't happen. But she needs to get over it because she is being extremely immature about it. This then has morphed into anger and thus, her mission to "steal" your friends away from you and hurt you. She is not a friend! Eventually her other friends will see that when she does the same to them. It may take a while, but before long she will get tired of harassing you and find someone new to pick on and become her prey. People like her will not last long in the real world. You sound like such an extremely caring person and you don't deserve this. As much as it hurts right now, try to act like it doesn't affect you so your friend will get bored and move on. Girls can be catty and cruel, but you will meet new and better friends to hang out with. Hang in there!
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