A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently got with a new girlfriend, and I'm having trouble staying erect after I start having sex. I have no trouble at all staying erect during oral, or even coming, but after a few minutes of actual intercourse, I begin to go soft. I dont know if this is because I'm anxious or uncomfortable because of a new girl, or something more physical, but any feedback or info will help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): OK, new girlfriend, Mr Johnny Penis likes it when she does the oral sex, but he's not sure about her Mrs Kitty Cat yet, and then there is you in the middle wondering what is wrong with Johnny Penis and why he is determined to mess your life up.
It could be a number of reasons. Do you like porn, do you masterbate. Maybe Johhny Penis is used to that and he's not sure about the sex thing yet. It dark inside there, maybe he's afraid that she will swallow him up, he likes it when you can see what's going on and can protect him if anything goes wrong.
Secondly new girlfriend, maybe you still like the other one. You let Johnny Penis have his fun, but the sex thing still feels like cheating and adultery, because you were recently with somebody else you cared about.
Thirdly, sex went wrong once, you got worried and upset because you think that Johnny Penis is broken. Now every time you try to have sex, Johnny Penis gets frightened that something will go wrong, so it does.... Performance anxiety big time, you predict failure, so that's what you get.
No problem.. You and Johnny Penis will just have to start all over again, and it will be romantic for your girl, because all the concentration now on her. First of all do the talk-talk thing. Tell her your upset because Johnny Penis is fucking up your life. Now here's the unpleasant part, we got to punish Johnny Penis for messing up your life. He gets no sex, no sex at all, untill he learns to behave. You can kiss your girlfriend, you can give her oral sex, you can do anything you want that she agrees to do, but Johnny Penis gets nothing. You can look at porn, but you can't mastebate, you don't even get to touch him when your in the shower. She can't touch Johnny Penis either, because he's been bad and he's made you both upset. Johnny Penis likes oral, well he can't get none, he gets nothing, untill he's hungry and dripping and begging you for some action. Easy, problem solved. When you next get close to Mrs Kitty Kat, he won't care about anything else except how to get some sex. Everything will go right and you and your girlfriend will be happy again.
Now this will be hard for you both, because it will probably take a week or two. You need to go back to flirting, cuddling and pretending that you are a teenager who is not allowed to have sex. A great time to take her out, do romantic things, start kissing again, go for walks in the park. It shouldn't take long before Johnny Penis stands up when she only smiles at you, then back to bed and time for Johnny Penis and Mrs Kitty Cat to have ton's of fun.... Sex should be fun, if he behaves badly again, then just laugh with your girlfriend and say, stupid Johnny Penis, he's gone to sleep again. Never worry about sex, it's not like the movies, everyone has bad days, penis goes down, pussy is not wet, people get tired, who cares, these things happen, so do farts in bed... :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): If you can get an erection then there's nothing wrong with the 'plumbing' so that rules out any physical cause.
It could be a vicious circle where you worry that you're going to lose your erection and as if by magic it subsides. So the next time you're even more worried about it and again it disappears. It's called performance anxiety and is all in the brain.
Once you settle into a routine with the new girl and you get used to each other things ought to improve, but if they don't, forget the oral bit and get straight down to it and see if that makes a difference. Once you have a successful session I'm sure you'll get back into your stride.
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