A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly ayear and a half, I live at his house at the moment as he likes me to be here and i love bieng with him!! I and would like to have our personal space in a flat. I am finding it very claustraphobic living here and hving his family listen to us if we argue etc etc. The problems are that i am having doubts about the whole thing. 1- He hasnt got a job2- He spends all day on the playstation and its becoming an obsession as he is moody when off3- obsession with pornthe main thing that really really upsets me is that he always looks at other women i.e on the laptop, telly, you name it he looks the porn is excessive what should i do it is really gettin me down!!! I start obsessin on my own looks i feel ugly fat and get jelous of girls prettier or good looking and feel like crying. I love this man and when things are good there amazing and i couldnt wish to spend my life with any1 else, but things need to change and when i tell him this he will blame it on me or roll his eyes and say he isnt going to get into an arguement!!!! and more importantly does he fancy me???
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 You are still in love with the same person but who is no more the same person when you first set eyes on him.
You cannot change a person if he does not want to change. Your being there will not change him .
It is only when a thing is gone , will they realize the value of it. You need to be gone from his life to make him realize what he missed. That is the only way you can make him change.
If you love him , you must leave him. Or he will never see the hurt that he is causing you .
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 I disagree with everyone saying "he can't change". That's complete crap.
So he doesn't have a job? He can get one.
He spends all day on the Playstation? He needs a variation of hobbies. Playing the Playstation is fine, but he needs to know that it's slightly unhealthy to get cranky if he's not playing it. He also probably needs to get out more. Getting a job will help this.
He has an obsession / addiction to porn? He may need professional help. Anyone who has an unhealthy obsession with something (or someone) or who has an addiction needs help or counseling from someone else, preferably someone who knows what they're doing.
He can change, he just needs to be willing to change. And if you want to stick with him, you need to support him with change and help him help himself.
It sucks to be in a situation like this, but understand that if someone doesn't have a job, plays video games and watches porn all day then chances are they aren't going to change unless they start to see their behaviour as a problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): Hi, I'm in the same situation as you (18 months). I agree with rainorfire, they just don't change. It's in their genes, men are wired up differently to us but your bf is not making an effort, i.e. waiting for you to go to bed. My bf does this. I confronted him next day and he said "porn is easier than me". So I'm just waiting for him to go to work then I'm getting my stuff and going. Don't waste any more time. Even if he says he will stop, he will only do it behind your back, when you're in bed or out. What kinda relationship is that?? It is difficult when you love him tho, you just have to be strong and stay strong. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not talkin about having a baby! (btw the last thing i would want) and also its not so easy to just say move out and get over it as i beleive he does love me and want to be with me, i just cant understand why after he tells me that he wants me why does he look at amazing looking girls and i get the feeling hes thinking that he wants me to look like that or have a gf who does! (especially when he doesnt ask me for sex but instead waits untill i am asleep and masturbates over porn) The playstation, i understand every bloke goes on but this is excessive and way too much. I think he may b stuck in a rut with the job front but i can only help soooo much, i am now getting to the end of my tether and feel neglected. We were amazing once and still are sometimes, when he is not on that and not looking at other girls!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not talkin about having a baby! (btw the last thing i would want) and also its not so easy to just say move out and get over it as i beleive he does love me and want to be with me, i just cant understand why after he tells me that he wants me why does he look at amazing looking girls and i get the feeling hes thinking that he wants me to look like that or have a gf who does! (especially when he doesnt ask me for sex but instead waits untill i am asleep and masturbates over porn) The playstation, i understand every bloke goes on but this is excessive and way too much. I think he may b stuck in a rut with the job front but i can only help soooo much, i am now getting to the end of my tether and feel neglected. We were amazing once and still are sometimes, when he is not on that and not looking at other girls!
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 1 You cant change him 2 things wont change 3 move out 4 you getting having a baby wont change things 5 you need to love your self before you can love some one else if you loved your self you wouldnt stick around in a bad situation.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (27 April 2010):
1 You cant change him 2 things wont change 3 move out 4 you getting having a baby wont change things 5 you need to love your self before you can love some one else if you loved your self you wouldnt stick around in a bad situation.
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