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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: This will be a messy thread, however I'd like to share this with someone, as I do not want to ask for psychologist's or psychiatrist's help, they were of no help... And I'd like to see just a general opinion and/or read other's experiences and advice regarding my situation.I am a 16 year-old female and I have had 4 sexual partners after I lost my virginity 5 months ago. I have been in several "relationships" and ended all of them. The only problem was that my past boyfriends didn't stimulate me enough intellectually atfer 2-3 months of our "relationship". I am seeking for an independent, interesting, charismatic, strong-willed intellectual and emotional partner... However I haven't found one.I will jump back-and-forth with this question... just so you'd get the general idea of what I'm thinking and what is going on inside my head.I am a very successful young woman in terms of working hard for achieving my goals. I do not have any self-esteem issues, rather I have a very high libido and just *had* to lose my virginity back then (it was an one night stand). Afterwards, I met my last boyfriend. We had sex after 2 days of getting to know each other. I felt really connected and I think I fell in love for the first time of my life. However, after 2 months of being together, I noticed that he does not satisfy me intellectually and has nothing to *offer* to me, everywhere I wanted to go(concerts,plays,parties) he didn't want to accompany me, never wanted to go out somewhere, and whenever I tried to help he locked himself up emotonally, so I couldn't access him anymore either... and that is why I felt that I started to loose interest in him. While we were in a relationship I wasn't looking at anyone else, but one day I had sex with another guy and the next day I left my boyfriend because I understood that I won't make it in that relationship. I've been having sex with that guy every time we met for 2 weeks now, and during that time I've had sex with one more friend of mine. After about 2 days of being without sex, I feel like I NEED to have sex right at the very moment I think of it. I love having sex, because it feels great, because I like seeing how men enjoy it, and I like giving pleasure, like trying out all new things. I also enjoy attention. I feel like I am very loose, and I am afraid that by the end of college I'll have a tremendous amount of sexual partners and if I will want to have a serious relationship nobody would want me because of my past.I do not know how to control myself, and frankly this is the only thing that is so confusing to me in my life. I can figure out a solution for all my other problems, but I do not know how to deal with this. I know that I have to understand what I am doing, but everything sex related is spontaneous, wild and crazy to me, I am very curious most of the time and I can't imagine restraining myself from sex.... I understand that I have to decide: promiscuous sex now, bad reputation and bad luck with long-term relationships in the future OR no more casual sex, more concentration on ensuring a good future for myself, and a healthy long-term relationship in the future...?????I would like to hear your opinions and experience regarding this topic, and I would like to know how many have been in my shoes. There's probably not much of advice to give, but I'd appreciate any opinion on this.Thank you for reading!
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fell in love, libido, lost my virginity, one night stand, sex with another Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ahlanwasahlan  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 Thank you for all the answers, as you can see I made an account here and hope that this site will identify me as the OP.
Sageoldguy, I guess when I described my thoughts I wasn't very clear. I do not want to give too much information about myself so it will be easier to determine my identity. I have been visiting psychiatrists due to a certain diagnosis... wasn't really my choice... However, when I have mentioned this topic to them, they were very negative about it, I haven't found any psychiatrist I could fully trust yet..
I began my independant life fairly early. I am a young college student, I am living on campus and I have been working where possible to become as financially independent from my parents as much as possible. The situation in my family is very tough and I had to start my own life as quickly as possible.
My mother has known about my behaviour and she called me a whore, she doesn't look at me the way she looked before and it pains. I could never trust her, but I still love her and took care of her. However I kn ow that in my culture I will be never seen as a good woman, or a woman worthy of marriage.
If I were to think about it now, I guess I never had any emotional support to develop my own strenghts regarding physical and emotional behaviour towards the opposite sex. I just hope I will keep strong now and find what is right for me before continuing with something I will probably regret... I don't know what to do, I really don't know where to go with this from now on. I think I wanted to be taken care of, wanted to feel love.
Sometimes I feel used. One day I went to my acquaintance's place, I had to stay there during the night. We were sleeping in the same bed, I was already half-asleep, when I understood in the end that we were having sex. It happened a while ago and I can't get over it...... Though I understand perfectly that it was my decision and if I went there then something like this could've happened.
You know, I'm just thinking it would be so nice to have a good friend whom I could trust with this and she'd/he'd tell me that I am not alone and I can make it, and I have support from my friend.
I am sorry if this is messy and emotional and so on, I just wanted to share and I guess it is great that there's an option to do it online.
Thank you for advice again.
(I do practice safe sex, I'm on BCP at the moment (and have been using condoms nonetheless) but as it affects my health negatively I will start using condoms only.)
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 That sounds startlingly like me at your age. The path I took after realizing that
A) I had an unusually high libido AND
B) The odds of finding a single man who could satisfy me intellectually and sexually were very long indeed
is not one I would recommend to anyone.
As Sageoldguy says, you may want to consider a second opinion from qualified medical personnel. I've actually been through what you are (by the time I was eighteen my 'count' was already in double digits) and I'm not sure I can offer any constructive advice.
Good luck though and please, please, always practise safe sex and ensure your own physical safety first and foremost. The desire for sex can drive one to do crazy things sometimes.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 October 2011):
 My advice is to forget your past experiences with psychologist(s) and/or psychiatrist(s)... and keep searching until you find one who you like, and who you can trust.... THEN, bear down with him or her and work with them to learn just how your head (and your vagina) got to where they are... and do you/could you/should you make any changes....
Any advice you get from us, here, will be 'way to superficial to be of any real use to you....
Good luck....
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