A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for taking the time to read this.I have always had huge problems with confidence. My main problem is that i get embarrassed and shy and my cheeks go red. It bothers me so much. Especially when i have to make contact with people or if i feel "trapped" in a situation where the attention is on me.I felt really down abotu my life so I thought this would all go away if i sorted my life out. So i got a job where i have to deal with people face to face, took up hobbies i love, made friends, lost weight, founds a boyfriend.But whatever i try, i seem to be more self consicous than ever! I really don't know what to do! it's ruined my life since i was a teenage and i'm 22 now! I just want to be a normal self assured adult!can someone help please.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 Tisha said "I'll tell you a big deep dark secret of life: most people who seem super-confident are faking it. You just have to learn to do it in a convincing way yourself."
Yep she's 100% correct.
you walk the walk and talk the talk even if you don't feel it and eventually it changes..
it's called "fake it till ya make it"
sometimes it's self-fulfilling prophecy
sometimes you use affirmations (daily statements) that help you for example:
every morning when you get up and go to the bathroom you look in the mirror... and then you say to yourself "I am strong and powerful. I am confident and in control" YOU SAY IT EVEN IF YOU DON'T feel it. EVERY DAY! and for some folks it does in the long run help them...
best of luck to you
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 October 2011):
 I have a website for you to try: http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome I have tried it and it has some usefulness and may help you gain some coping skills. Let me know if it is of any use.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 October 2011):
I'll tell you a big deep dark secret of life: most people who seem super-confident are faking it. You just have to learn to do it in a convincing way yourself.
I suggest learning some breathing techniques that will help keep your anxiety at bay, you can talk to a yoga instructor for ideas. Practice posing in attitudes that give you confidence; I find if I am all slouchy and slumped over I lose my own higher level of confidence.
Stand with your feet at approximately shoulder width, root down through your feet and kind of tuck your tailbone and tighten your core. Keep your shoulder blades pulling together and down your back, head balances up as you grow your spine long from your pelvis. That's a yoga posture called "mountain." Practice breathing deeply in and out in that stance and go to it as a refuge when you are feeling socially stressed. Someone who is standing tall and looks confidently relaxed will be treated that way. You just have to give the illusion that you are and eventually, your anxiety will subside and you'll become comfortable.
Fake it, that's what most people are doing, I'm not kidding!
I love yoga for all the good things it teaches you, maybe that would be something to explore. Or martial arts? Lots of confidence-boosting stuff out there, go try some and you'll see a change in your attitude, just as you already changed your life.
Good luck. And namaste.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Some people are just shy and can't do anything to change it. Try and look at it as a positive thing instead of a negative thing. You have found yourself a man, you are enjoying your life beside's being shy. You have tried things to get more confidence but obviously it has not worked. Try and look at life positively. Look at what you have in your life and be thankful. Shyness is not a bad thing. As for your self esteem issues. Well you need to try and work out in your head what it is you are feeling down about? Is it just the shyness or are there other issues that you are struggling to deal with. You have not let your shyness hold you back by the sounds of it. Just keep pushing yourself to talk to more people and smile and say hello. Take small steps in getting to know new people and it will come together eventually. Just take baby steps in achieving your goal. Write down what you would like to achieve and write down small steps.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (20 October 2011):
 UI'm sorry that you're having self-confidence issues. What I would recommend for you to do is:
1. Make a list of 5-10 things that you like/love about yourself. And repeat them out loud daily. Create a good list of positive affirmations.
2. Get support. See a therapist, hang in positive support groups, surround yourself with positive people that could help you through the difficult times.
3. Read confidence builder articles. This may help set you on the right track to feeling better about yourself. So read these type of articles whenever necessary.
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