A
male
age
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*akey
writes:Problem with my wife getting over a twitter infatuation.My wife recently had an intense 'relationship' on twitter with a man that she just clicked with. We are going through some very difficult financial problems which has put a strain on our relationship. We have been married for 18 months and it is the second time for both of us.Although my wife says its over, there was nothing in it (sexually) I am struggling to get over it and we are continually rowing. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do!! I love my wife so very much but find I can't concentrate on anything at the moment - apart from checking up on her!Please can someone help me move on, get over this and continue my marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): i am going through the same thing with my wife and emotional cheating is as bad to me as sexual. think about it if she loved you that much then why would she jepordize her marriage over someone on twitter? no respect is what she has shown to you and that just sucks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): The trust has been shattered here. I don't know if you and her can get back to where you were. It depends on whether you both can fully commit to working hard to retrieving that back again. It takes a lot of work and soul searching. It's also dependent on the forgivingness of the person who was wounded and the degree of sincerity of the trust-breaker. Trust is the foundation of all committed, loving relationships. But it's earned. So I would think that your wife would want to work hard by displaying her good, trustworthy actions to prove it to you, that trust can re-established, again. If her behaviors are consistant and sincere...you can get it back, but it will be a long process. But it doesn't appear she is doing that, does she?
Plainly, these social network websites are tempting for your wife to flirt...very dangerous behavior for a married adult female, who can't resist, the attentions of other men. So you have to see what I am getting at here...no matter the issues your marriage may have had...married folks shouldn't break there vows fidelity, by selfishly flirting online and carrying on with people, online or the real world. Your wife apparently had trouble resisting, as her own ego takes precedent over the safe comfort of her marriage to you. Why do you think she did this? That really is a question you need to ask yourself.
You won't be able to get back to where it was, immediately. That will be impossible. So be patient. She has to be able to communicate honestly and as openly, as she can with you. Her feelings about 'why' she did this. And then if she wants to help this marriage heal and recover, then she has to put in the work, too. Since you were plainly hurt by this, you have to set boundries and levels of how you will trust her, again.. You both do this through talking and she proves it to you through her trustworthy, commendable behaviors. It takes open honesty, a lot of time and patience. If she's willing to work at this with you...you will trust her to this point, then a bit more, and a bit more until, finally, you will trust her completely, again. I also recommend you both get some marriage counselling. Get a counselor who especially can help the two of you with trust building skills and communicating, in a mature, open way.
Now, if all else fails, and she doesn't want to help this marriage, then I would say..there comes a limit where one has to realize that some people, even people we marry, will never learn to be trustworthy. And it's then, that you will simply have to make a decision and look out for yourself here. Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, cakey +, writes (12 November 2009):
cakey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!
I'll try nad talk to her, but I know she doesn't want to talk about it. Any advice on moving on, rebuilding the trust and getting back to 'normality'. My snooping needs to stop - it is becoming an obsession!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 November 2009):
If he does appear to be sorry and hurt, then don't ask about details, but ask about how you can make sure she knows she's loved and if there is anything that needs to be worked on between you. And listen to her.
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A
male
reader, cakey +, writes (12 November 2009):
cakey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut how do I go about that? She seems embarrassed about it, upset that she hurt me and genuinely sorry! Do I want to know all the details in case I'm wrong?
I just want everything to get back to how it was!
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A
male
reader, cakey +, writes (12 November 2009):
cakey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut how do I go about that? She seems embarrassed about it, upset that she hurt me and genuinely sorry! Do I want to know all the details in case I'm wrong?
I just want everything to get back to how it was!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 November 2009):
I think she does need to be honest with you here. You need to expain you can't move on until she's compeltely honest with you about what happend and why. If she isn't then you need to consider whether you can forgive her and move on.
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A
male
reader, cakey +, writes (12 November 2009):
cakey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!Before this happened I didn't have a problem with Twitter, but now I do. I wouldn't want her to stop it as it is something she enjoys doing! Only, I am finding that I am snooping and trying to find out what she is saying to everyone!It's strange, but I do believe nothing happened (because I found out before iot did!) but I am struggling to get over it and it is seriously killing me! My wife won't go into detail about what happened and thinks that we should just get on with our lives together - put it behind us and move on!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 November 2009):
Ahh, yes the social website thing again. You're not the only one to be hurt this way. Social websites are the relationship killer. I think you need to calmly ask her why she felt that way and what you can do to make the relationship better. Ask her if there was something missing that you can both work on. Get to know each other again. It will take time, but if you can work together, then you can move forward.
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