A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I help my boyfriend with erection issues? What can be done?My boyfriend is 26 and we've been dating a couple months. Our sex life has been far from sucessful. I had barely any sexual experience and he hadn't had sex for years. We spend a few nights a week at each others and try to have sex unless we're too tired. However at some point when my boyfriend puts on a condom and goes for penetration he loses his erection. This could be during condom putting on, very shortly after trying to penetrate or a few minutes after penetration. We've tried spending different amounts of time on foreplay so he doesnt have to maintain an erection for so long but it doesn't make a difference. We've talked about it but he says he doesnt know why and he really wants to have sex with me and come. It frustrates him and obviously isnt a good end to our 'fun'. He is still able to maintain an erection to orgasm while masturbating.Any advice to help him or me would be appreciated! I don't know what to say or suggest.
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condom, erection, foreplay, orgasm, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Htsn47  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 This is a common problem! The interruption in the flow while putting on the condom can often be a problem, as it distracts him from you and lets any doubts about performance surface. ESPECIALLY if he's lost his erection while putting on a condom in the past.
Have you tried some different condom brands? It can make a big difference - if the condom is too small, it could contribute to this problem. There are websites where you can order "sampler packs" that might help.
Also, if he's losing his erection while putting on the condom, maybe you can help. Put the condom on for him, making sure you keep touching him, stroking him, etc. Keep the stimulation up - that will help ease the transition. There is a very effective trick of putting the condom on with your mouth, for example, if you are feeling adventurous!
It wasn't clear from your question if you are able to bring him to orgasm with your hand or mouth. I agree with the other writers that this is a very good place to start as well, especially if you are not very experienced. I'd suggest he stop masturbating as well - the sensation when a man masturbates is very different than intercourse. Maybe he needs to be "re-sensitized".
It is great that you are talking about it, but remember that this is a big deal to guys regardless of how many times you tell him it's OK. It's just NOT OK to us, period.
As for the comment about "no alcohol", I don't necessarily agree that this is true for all people. It is a slippery slope for sure. I'm not saying being drunk is a good idea, but I am very self-conscious and tend to be inhibited. A drink really helped me relax a little and just enjoy the person I was with the first few times, until I was more confident.
A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (18 October 2011):
Since sex is supposed to be fun, focus on that aspect of it to keep things light. Put the condom on for him as part of foreplay. Or since he can ejaculate through masturbation, do that for him so you cn familiarise yourselves with one another without the pressure of having to have full intercourse. I'm sure things will sort themselves out with a bit of time and patience.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): Patience, on both your parts.
No alcohol.
No drugs.
If you take prescription drugs then talk with the prescribing doctor (antidepressants, etc).
It will get better with time usually.
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