A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I just made a huge mistake and I'm about to pay for it forever. I don't need any judgey comments, I just need guidance. Please, help me! I met a slightly older, thankfully SINGLE man two months ago and got pregnant by him after just one week of knowing him (I know it's him because I hadn't had sex with anyone else since my third boyfriend when I was 19). He is 30, I am 22, and we met at the bar I'm working in.For two nights straight, we flirted like crazy (oddly enough, we share a lot of interests), we made out, and I even gave him oral after my shifts were over. I didn't see him again until four days later because he had to work, but when he came back to the bar, we waited until 3AM when I was off work, we got into my car, and had sex for a good two hours in the back seat. Thing is, we used a condom but obviously it broke. I'm now eight weeks pregnant according to my gynecologist and I'm so afraid to tell him what's going on, but I know I have to.We've continued our sexual affair since then but he has no idea that I'm carrying his baby inside me. How the hell do I bring something like this up? I'm a waitress at a bar who he's been f*cking the last two months to blow off steam. I don't even know if he's seeing anyone else! This is just the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm firmly against the over population that is the American orphanage and so I've thought about getting an abortion but I really want to have a baby. And from what he's told me, he seems like he would be a decent provider.*Sigh* what the hell am I doing? How do I bring this up? What should I expect? Should I get an abortion???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): I agree with other comments that you would probably have regrets about getting an abortion for the rest of your life.
But its not that simple. You would probably have regrets about giving the baby up for adoption as well. And if you kept the baby & raised it, you would probably have some serious regrets about doing that, too.
Get my drift? You do not have any easy options when there is an accidental pregnancy. All the choices will have emotional consequences for most people. There will be regrets and second guessing yourself years down the road. Trying to avoid any negative fallout is not the way to make the decision.
Think long term and decide for the rest of your life and for everyone else involved. Deep down you already know what you need to do. It's not pretty but neither are a lot of necessary things in life. It's still for the best. Do it.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (4 June 2014):
 Hello,
I'm sorry you are in this situation. I think you should plan, and indeed expect, that this guy will deny the whole thing and try and walk away. Sorry to be blunt, but you cannot just walk away from this, he can. Or at least try to. He is young, enjoying his freedom and, in the nicest possible sense, you were a someone to have sex with, nothing more, nothing less. Expecting him to help with raising the child, contribute to the childs upkeep and so on is unrealistic.
Its highly unlikely this guy will be happy to pay child support for the next 18 years, especially in these tough economic times, after a brief fling with a waitress to let of steam. Its not like you were in a relationship of any kind of seriousness or developed feelings for each other.
Even if he says he will stand by you, you barely know the guy. Long term compatibility is by no means certain, baring in mind you only know him as a sex buddy. Men are always nice when they want sex. To be blunt I think its naïve to assume this guy could be a "good provider" when you barely know him other than his flirts and telling you what you want to hear to get laid.
So yes you need to tell him, but also be realistic in your expectations.
As for whether you should have the child or not, only you can answer that. I don't want to tell you or anyone else whether to have an abortion or not.
However, reading your post makes it clear that you are still quite naïve and willing to engage in risky behaviours. You should also get tested for STDs as you have put yourself at risk. You are in low paid employment, are young and have little experience of proper, long term relationships. That's not a great situation for a child to be in, nor yourself in the long term.
Being a single parent is never easy, being a single parent while earning low pay in a job which is not secure is even harder.
Mark
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 June 2014):
 Wow. He seems like a good provider? So I might have the baby... Seriously? I'm sorry that just sounds so callous.
Anyhow, yes I DO think you should tell him. He is OLD enough to know that sex can have consequences. He might TRY and claim the baby isn't his, so you NEED to make sure you have his name & contact info. The DNA test will probably not be done til AFTER the child is born.
ONLY you can decide if you can afford this baby on your own. He, in all likelihood, isn't going to foot the whole bill. Nor should he have two. Child support is a drop in the ocean that is the cost of raising a child. IF he has other "baby mommas" out there , the amount YOU will get is substantially lower too. The parent who actually raise the child spend a LOT more money and time. Then you have your work situation. You work at a bar. I assume you make enough to have a place of your own, but what will do when the baby comes? I'm sure the work place doesn't have any kind of maternity leave, how about the medical bills connected with the pregnancy and birth? What will you do when the baby is born? I mean you can't work 9 months pregnant. And you will need a few weeks to recuperate - how will you pay your bill?
I suggest if you are close to your mom/dad you go talk to them.
This is not a good situation for anyone and you got some thinking to do. I think the sooner you decide and talk to him the better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): You said you want this baby so do not let anyone push you into having an abortion as you was regret it for the rest of your life.
Like the other person said, he will no doubt challenge the paternity of the child. If/when he dose don't get mad. I mean, you did slept with him when your not in a relationship. So how dose he know you havent done this before. No offence because he is the male equivalent.
You need to tell him because he has a right to know and if he dose not want to face help in raising him/her then he still needs to financialy help support him/her.
Tho don't mention any money as you may sound like a bunny boiler (like you planned it)
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A
female
reader, Adeboyefa  +, writes (4 June 2014):
 Why not tell him and see how he reacts? After all,you are still seeing each other.
The longer you delay telling him,the higher his chances of denying paternity. He would think you told him late after all the other "suspects" had denied paternity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): You may really want to have a baby but this really is not a good time, surely? You are very young still and have plenty of time ahead of you to plan and make sure that both parents want the child. If you are still in the stage of life where you are doing reckless things like this then life with a baby is NOT going to be easy or fun and you don't sound ready to parent yet, no offence, but it is HARD work. If you're a waitrness how are you going to provide for a child alone?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (4 June 2014):
 Since you want the baby, I believe its something that you need to tell him about and establish how he feels. Don't create any expectations as I gather by your message it was just sex. Remember that he is likely to challenge the paternity and might no want to take responsibility. YOu need to cross this bridge with him and decide what you feel is best for you.
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