A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to this amazing guy for 5 years and i love him with all my heart.we have been trying for a baby for 3 of these years and was told that there is no reason why we could not concieve it would just be a matter of time.anyway after all this it got too much and my husband said he needed space and left me. I took comfort in sleeping with a close friend and regretted it immediatly.my husband came back a week later without me mentioning anything about what had happened and my husband confessing that he was just scared he would never fufil his dream of becoming a dad.a month after this i found out i was expectin and me and my husband were over the moon. The problem is im not sure who would be the dad as i concieved within that week and now im so scared i will have this baby and he wont be my husbands,i know it will break his heart and i will just die without my husband. Who will be most likely to be the father?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): There are so many issues here.
-You and your hb have been trying to fall pregnant but were not able to.
-your relationship suffered and he left (for a week)
-you immediately had sex with a close friend. (did not takemuch for you to forget about your marriage vows, right)
- your h/b comes back after a week. You keep quite about sleeping with someone else. You have sex with h/b, then fall pregnant. Then don’t know who the father is
- you still lie about being faithful to your h/b.
The bigger problem was not just having unprotected sex with this so called friend. The problem is just how easy you fell into bed with another man. If you soooooo loved your hb what happened. Please do not try to condone your actions. What you did was WRONG. Your hb was only gone for a week. It seems before he even left your driveway you were having sex with another man. And please do not say you were lost, or confused. You knowingly f*cked someone else and now is hoping to pass off someone else’s seed as your mans. Do you see anything wrong with this? It is a shame that you did not stop doing the dirty with this other man but continued nevertheless.
Perhaps you need to ask yourself what you actually want from your hb. To accept someones child and raise this chils, invest in this child when the kid is not even his? I think you are asking for a miracle. I think you know that this child is not your h/b’s. After 3 years of not conceiving what is the likelihood of you having your hb’s child? I believe you know the true anawer and is therefore panicked.
Your poor hb – what will he do when he raises this kid, thinking it is his, then years later, discovers that it is not his. Who will be to blame for this hell he will be going through. Why, you of course. Let’s not even discuss what it will do to that innocent child of yours.
So whats your alternative. How about some straight honest talking with your husband. TELL HIM that you had sex with someone else. At least do the decent thing now. Then he can decide whether he still wants you even though this child is not his. Give him the option and let him have the choice to choose. After all you will just be using him as a surrogate dad to pawn your child off him. This is not fair on your h/b.
Strange, your hb did not run off and have sex with someone when you both were having problems. Seems like he has more moral backbone than you. No, my darling you would not “just die without your hb”. You survived that entire week without him. You even consoled yourself with having sex with your friend. Not very faithful now were we. So Pleaseee do not act like a coward , you have been for a while now. Tell the truth. Why? Because it is the right thing to do.
I agree with the other anon female “I'm always fascinated by this site too about the very different opinions offered, which in some way must be confusing. Sorry Annalisa, I have to refute your answer as you are advocating dishonesty at the heart of a relationship.” Lies and advocaating more lies is just not on.
One thing people forget , it is not only the biological composition regarding paternity, but also SIMILARITIES that have to be taken into account. Women forget that the child sometimes start looking like the real father very early on. One recent poster who was having an affair with a MM, and even had the audacity to get the MM and his wife to baby sit the kid, found out that people started noticing the similarity (facial features) between the boy and the MM. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time.
Life is very strange. The truth comes out when you least expect it and many women are finding out the hard way. INSTEAD OF ADMITING THEIR INFIDELITY THEY TRY TO CON THEIR H/B. Very disasterous consequences indeed.
We always slate men as *astards for not doing the right thing when it comes to their kids. But more and more women like you are trying to pawn off someone else’s kid as their h/b. They knowingly deceive their men and expect society to accpet this deceit. They expect to be pardoned for their deliberate lies and deceit. It is time we stopped having one set of rules for men and another (more lenient one) for women.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Never continue in a relationship with dishonesty at it's heart. You must never let your husband believe it's his child if there is a possibility it may not be - how cruel is that!! Besides, your sub conscious mind would work overtime if you kept this hidden and would eventually poison your heart and soul. Always do the right thing - my granny always said "I'd rather have a thief than a liar, a thief may steal your material things but a liar could get you hung". I'm always fascinated by this site too about the very different opinions offered, which in some way must be confusing. Sorry Annalisa, I have to refute your answer as you are advocating dishonesty at the heart of a relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): We can speculate all day and it doesn't mean a thing. Time for some honesty and a DNA test.
Don't kid yourself - the truth WILL come out eventually. Genetic testing isn't just for paternity lawsuits anymore. It's only a matter of time before people will be getting it done just for getting insurance and stuff.
If you don't spill the beans now and the child is not your husband's, then it will be MUCH MUCH worse when it does come out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): whyyyyyyyyyy...did u sleep with this "close friend" with no condom?
Cheating is one thing, but cheating with no protection is another.
Well, whatever. You have two options.
You could tell your husband you cheated on him and aren't sure if he's the father. And get a paternity test (you would need to tell him anyway to get him to consent to the test).
Or...no, you should not do the second thing. I cannot in any way condone the second option here. I'm sure you know what I mean though.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Chaos +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Unfortunately there really is no way to tell without a DNA test, you’d have to have any possible fathers tested to find out one way or another.
Hope things work out for you
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