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Pregnant by fwb what do I do

Tagged as: Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 September 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 17 September 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone here is my problem I have a fwb didn't intend to I wanted a relationship with him he just wanted sex so that was that but here's my problem I think I might be pregnant but he doesn't want to be with me as we have talked about this before I have been taking my pill and missed none he doesn't know I may be pregnant I know I should do a test and find out for sure then tell him I just don't know what to do how do I tell him thank you everyone

View related questions: be pregnant, might be pregnant

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (17 September 2011):

Honeypie agony auntHave you missed a period? Have you seen your doctor or taken a test? If not, what can you tell him? You "think" you "might" be pregnant?

I certainly wouldn't tell him til you know 100% that you are. And even if you are not, maybe using a condom on top of the pill may be smart.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (17 September 2011):

chigirl agony auntYou have nothing to tell him, do you? You don't know if your pregnant! Yes, get a test done before you start worrying over nothing. Never take sorrows or worries in advance. Find out first. Then do the worrying dependent on the result.

If you aren't pregnant (I don't think you are), then maybe you should think about using two forms of contraception, the birth control pill and condoms? Because then, even if you miss a pill, or the condom slips off, you'll still be protected. This could be a good idea, extra precautions, when you and him are not in a relationship and it would be worse to have an accidental pregnancy in this situation (compared to an accidental pregnancy in a long term relationship).

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (17 September 2011):

person12345 agony auntI think it's highly unlikely that you're pregnant if you're taking the pill. So take a test to find out for sure.

If you are, it doesn't mean you have to be with him, or that you even have to raise a child, or even carry it to term. There are several options available to you. If you are pregnant you should make an appointment at your local women's clinic to discuss all your available options.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (17 September 2011):

YouWish agony auntI agree with Tennisstar in that your first step before you start thinking about what to say or do is to take the test and know for sure. If you're not pregnant, then it's all good!

If you are, in fact, pregnant, then the first thing you'll consider is your role with the baby. Will you keep it or not? That is your decision, and yours alone.

Now. As far as the FWB friend is concerned, it doesn't matter who he is or what he is to you. He has a financial responsibility to that child. It's true that he may not choose to be an emotional father, but that doesn't change his obligation in the slightest.

Sex has risk. If he chose to have sex, he chose the risk. Tennisstar is correct in that he's not required to have a relationship with you, but he *is* certainly required to pay child support. It doesn't matter if you took your pill or didn't take your pill. His act of sex puts him at 100% responsibility. The only way he wouldn't be responsible is to not have sex in the first place.

The pill isn't 100% effective. Interestingly enough, he said that even if you were pregnant, he wouldn't be with you. That tells me that you might not get eager cooperation when it comes time for him to take responsibility for a child. I urge you to NOT feel guilty (i.e. "I might have messed up birth control") and hold his feet to the fire. Time for him to grow up. You play, you pay.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011):

u r worrying about it too soon.. get the test 1st.. find out the result.. (",) good luck.. get the result first, worry later k (",)

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (17 September 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntFirst take a pregnancy test to determine whether you are or not. There's no sense in freaking out about how to tell this FWB when you don't even know if you are pregnant. Take a test first.

If you aren't, then perhaps your partner better use a condom to prevent further scares.

If you are, then there's no easy way to tell him. Just do it face to face and discuss your options. He may want nothing to do with you and your child since it is a FWB arrangement. Hopefully, that's not the case and he takes full responsibility for his actions. Keep in mind just because you may be pregnant, doesn't mean he has to be in a relationship with you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011):

It's the ethical thing to do to inform the father. You shall both decide if you want the baby or not; if you want the baby then some planning and serious agreements have to take place. If not, then nothing is wrong with abortion at all. Especially when it's better for everyone.

Zee

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