A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know I will be judged for this but I don't have anyone or anywhere to go with this one.I'm 6 months pregnant with my husband. Just before I got pregnant, I left my husband. Things had been bad for a while and I was falling for another man.This other man is also married. We had kissed one night and then been having an emotional affair for about a year.My husband convinced me to give our marriage another go, saying he would change etc etc. I felt like I owed him and me that opportunity. 8 years is a lot to throw away without trying. I cut contact with this other man and things appeared to be slowly getting better.Despite using protection I fell pregnant. I couldn't bring myself to terminate the baby as I wasn't sure if I could ever conceive. Plus my husband was over the moon and it seemed to make us stronger.Anyhow I work with this other man and he knows of my pregnancy and trying to work things out with hubby. The last few months we have chatted a bit, only as friends. We were close before and I don't see anything wrong with having male friends.We have flirted a few times via text but nothing like before. Maybe a few too many texts, around 1000 over last 3 months. Tonight I was on a work night out, sober of course. He was out and rather drunk. He is having a bit of a down spell just now. He left the pub without saying anything. He text me saying he was wrecked and in a bad place. I asked if there was anything I could do- he asked me to go get him from down the street where he was sitting upset. I drove him home but parked up round the corner as he doesn't want his wife to see me dropping him home. He tried to kiss me and I stopped him.We sat and talked for about an hour. Letting him vent, cry and sober up. We ended up holding hands, saying how we miss each other and that we don't have a connection with anyone else like we do each other. I ended up giving in and letting him kiss me. It was electric. He literally takes my breath away and leaves me speechless. I adore him and all those feeling came flooding back. Now I'm home and I don't know what to do. How do I tell him to stay away when it's not what I want. I dont understand why he is still interested in me while im 6 months pregnant. However I can't leave my husband an take this baby away from him. I told this other man I didn't want him to leave his wife and that I wouldn't leave my husband. Can we just continue how it is? How do you finish an affair without any hard feelings - I don't want to lose my friend or for things to be awkward at work?? Help :-(
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 well here's a perfectly good example of when it's not okay to have male friends - when you're attracted to them! Here your husband has made a supreme effort to step up to the plate for you and try to work things out in your marriage. He seems to be doing all the right things; he's excited about having a baby with you, and you could have done the right thing and made the marriage work if only you would have stopped trying to be "friends" with the guy from work. Now you've gone down a road that's making you think stupidly. You are about to break up two marriages. Yours and his. What a mess! And there's no guarantees this guy will be any better once the deal is done. After he's with you, he may just zooming on some other girl at work. How would that feel? You'd be the wife at home, while he's texting some other girl at work and doing all these things behind your back. It's bad karma. I think you should pull out of this relationship and focus on your marriage. Don't try to keep in touch with this guy. You cannot be friends. It will always end up crossing a line.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): When I post this, its not a judgment against you, its what it is. This is the classic cliche. One spouse is not happy, meet someone new. Everything the other spouse is not, now have feelings. Don't want to leave. Have kids, no income, pregnant, lots of tome invested, etc, etc, etc. What should I do? Simple STAY AWAY FROM HIM!The grass always looks better and so you want to know why? You dont have to tolerate it everyday like his wife does. Trust me, he is not going to be your night in shining armour when your husband finds out what you were doing behind his back. I hope and pray that the baby is your husband's. That a horse of another color. If your going to make your marriage work, then ditch the other guy. If not divorce your husband and you will be free to see whomever you like. Best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 You really do not owe the other man a thing. In the twelve months he was with you he was happy to have you as his "extra".
He was feeling especially sorry for himself. Since he knows he has lost you.
He is good at playing the "little boy lost" trick and I am sure it works on both his wife and other women.
he has no intention of throwing away his marriage.
he does not want his wife to see that he plays up.
I think give you and your baby and your husband a chance to enjoy the JOY of bringing a new life into the world
You were kind to this man who wanted you as his "extra" but nothing more.
Now it is his time to take stock of his own life.
Just as you have made some changes to reconnect with your husband.
You are entering the last 3 months of your pregnancy - often you will feel very tired. Though more tired again in the first three months after baby is born. However you will be compensated by the baby's smiles, their tranquil little face, their fingers curled around your little finger.
Enjoy this wonderful time and fingers crossed your and your husband will bond together more strongly and come to enjoy being parents.
Meanwhile the guy who cheats on his wife will no doubt find someone else to be his "extra". he cannot make your life better but he can cause pain to multiple people if you give in to any more of his request.
You have given him kindness and attention that he craves. Now he needs to get his own house in order.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 There won't be hard feelings. I don't even think you need an explanation. Just be distant and he will get the hint. He knows it won't go anywhere because once the baby is born you will mostly be at home. He wanted some warm attention that he's not getting from his wife. What did your husband do that's so wrong? You want to risk your family just to avoid awkwardness at work? Never think that a special connection means a good relationship in the future. I am sure you had a connection with your husband, and same thing with this guy and his wife. All the appeal goes away once you try to make a forbidden fantasy a reality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): Grass is greener on the other side. It has always been so. And it's sticky too. Once you get together w/ your co-worker, you'll be the one picking him up, wrecked from a bar... or maybe some other younger chick.
My wife and I have been happily married for 7+ years. We don't have direct friends of other gender. If a chick wants to be my friend, she has to become friends with my wife first... and vise versa.
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