A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am pregnant with my boyfriends 4th child and I'm becoming increasingly resentful of his other children. It's gotten so bad that I can't even bear to hear him mention their names and I dread them staying over on weekends. He doesn't seem to show as much interest in my pregnancy as he does his other children, could this be why? I am worried that when my baby is born that he won't treat as good as his other children... Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): It would be an extremely good idea for you and your man to go chat with a family counsellor and get this sorted out.
You don't want to continue your pregnancy without addressing it and bring a new baby into a whole heap of tension.
Some of his behaviour could be from guilt not wanting his other children to feel he doesn't have enough love for them because he has you and their new brother/sister.
Also you could be imagining things are worse than they are due to natural pregnancy insecurities and nesting hormones.
Remember this guy comes as a package with his existing children - it is not negotiable by you or anyone else. You want him, then you need to find a bit of extra affection to lay out on his kids. Imagine how they feel - a 2nd mother, a 2nd home, a "replacement" sibling...
You want your baby to be a happy well-adjusted kid right? Then you need to do your best to make sure he/she bonds with the half-siblings, and that will almost entirely depend on your relationship with them - which you CAN improve. Don't be the wicked stepmother with the cuckoo child.
This is your man's responsibility too, and tackling it as a team will make you a stronger couple. A family counsellor will be an objective person that can help you talk this through to a plan for a healthy blended family.
Good luck with everything.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 August 2010):
This is a recipe for disaster. I don't get why you got pregnant while you can't stand his other children. Why add one of your own to the mix? The truth is, his children will always be there and it is unfair to them to treat them as secondbest to your own child. Try to be accepting if you want to make this work.
In regards to your bf, if this will be his 4th child, he's seen 3 pregnancies before yours and therefore the whole thing isn't all that special to him as it is to you.
Ofcourse he shows his kids affection. I think for him it might be the other way around. Maybe he's afraid that with the new baby which you will both be taking care of, his other children will feel left out.
But I am just speculating. I can't possibly know what's going on in your heads. Have you talked to him about this?
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