A
female
age
30-35,
*eesh0531
writes:I dated a guy for almost 2 and a half years , he was my high school sweet heart. I literally love everything about him. We've been through so much an supported one another through many many problems. Unfortunately a few months ago we broke up. One of his former friends had told me he cheated on me and lied to me through out our whole relationship (he got into details but I won't write it all). Being that upwards the end of our relationship things did get a bit rocky , I went with his former friend to confront him. Alibi wanted to hear was the truth from him. But he lied straight to my face. After we officially broke up I was a wreck and I allowed myself to become vulnerable. I then started to confide in this former friend of his. He basically sweet talked me. And eventually I ended up dating him. A few weeks into our relationship my ex managed to get in contact with my bestfriend. He told her that everything this former friends said to me was a lie an they only reason he was doing this was because my ex had ruined his former friends chances at dating a certain girl so he wanted to get him back. I didn't believe him. Although a part of me wanted to. Things just kept surfacing about the two an soon I realized my ex was right. About everything. The guy that I was now dating used mento get back at my ex. Not only did I feel used but I also left a guy whom I sincerely care for because of something so stupid , and from the past. As I was about to pull the plug with the guy I'm dating now I found out I was pregnant. Soon after finding out I was pregnant I found out he did it on purpose. He admitted to a friend that he knew I was probably going to leave him and he knew that as soon a he left got the army I would go back to my ex. So he got me pregnant. Now I'm taking full responsibility because it does take two to make a baby but I feel like I was tricked. Forced to stay somewhere I don't want to be. Now hes gone. In the army and I'm here by myself. Pregnant. My ex is heartbroken and so upset he refuses to speak to me. Hi last words to me were literally "Why?" . My heart aches so much because I know who I want to be with but because of this pregnancy I feel like I need to do what's right for my future son or daughter and that would be to stay with their father. It just ... It sucks. I want to leave him so desperately but I just don't know.
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female
reader, Keesh0531 +, writes (20 September 2012):
Keesh0531 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate both of your answers. But there's no way I'm given up my baby for adoption or getting an abortion. I'm currently still in college, I'm actually already an assistant PT and work for a PT office. Your right I engaged in unprotected sexual intercourse and that is why I want to take full responsibility. I have all the support from family (both his and mine) and friends. Growing up my father was out of the picture at a very young age, but thankfully I was raised by my current step father who has been more of a father to me than my biological father. I just came here to vent.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 September 2012):
 fathers are sperm donors... daddys are the ones kids need...
any man can be a sperm donor... it takes a special man to be a dad.
do not think that the sperm donor is your only option to parent this child.
you really need to be alone and figure out what you want to do with your life and your child's life.
are you living with your parents are they helping?
what work/school plans do you have...
are you even WILLING to consider putting this baby up for adoption? (I'd suggest abortion but you may be too far along for that)
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A
male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (19 September 2012):
"I feel like I need to do what's right for my future son or daughter and that would be to stay with their father."From a 50-plus uncle and first cousin-once removed of several now-young adults: Your future son or daughter NEEDS and WANTS and DESERVES and HAS THE ABSOLUTE RIGHT to have both mother and father both continuously present and actively involved in his or her life. Doesn't mean you have to be with father (unlikely in long run, if at all), but kid does need to be integral part of father's life and father needs to be integral part of kid's life (though sadly also unlikely in long run, if at all). Baby didn't pick father, YOU did. I can't think of one adult daughter of siblings, cousins or friends who ever came remotely close to a teen or unwanted pregancy scare, and any who remain unmarried in their late twenties or early thirties remain childless, they simply have too many dreams and ambitions and plans and goals to put their own lives on permanent hold, that's why they remain unmarried (not necessarily single) and childless. Tough lesson you've already learned the hard way: Any female enging in casual, irresopnsible, unpotected sex runs the risk of getting herself knocked up. Tougher lesson you're about to learn the hard way: When the kid's born, your life as you remotely knew it is over. Kid ALWAYS comes first, his/her interests trump your wants, needs. whims and desires, now always and forever. That's why my parents and aunts and uncles and their cousins waited until they were settled into their married lives before having children, and formula has been passed down almost universally to next generation of siblings and cousins. My parents waited until having children was a luxury, not a burden. My mother wanted to have children because she had done everything else she wanted (and this was at a time when career opportunities for women were very limited, usually to secretarial or nursing or teaching jobs listed in the "Help Wanted - Female" section), also she continued working at her full-time clerical office job for three years after marriage before her first pregnancy, by which time my father's career had progressed to point where my mother could afford to stay home, a benefit lost to most babies born today. Given that circumstances of conception apparently leave you unable and incapable of providing a baby's basic life necessities (food, clothing, shelter) on an ongoing daily basis, for sake of child's long-term future I would respectfully suggest you seriously consider adoption as the only alternative for ensuring your baby does indeed grow up with both mother and father both continuously present and actively involved in your bio-son or bio-daughter's life. Tough lesson you hopefully will learn the hard way: What's best for the baby isn't always best for the mother, and what's "best" for the mother isn't always best for the baby (harsh reality that most struggling-but-overcoming-all-odds unmarried single teen moms past and present tend to conveniently overlook), and baby ALWAYS comes first. You will be doing your unplanned child of unwanted pregnancy no favors by bringing him/her home to unstable, transient, impovershed, likely fatherless living situation with no reasonable hope of improving yours or baby's station in life at any time in the foreseeable future. Neither the guy you're now dating, sperm depositor or heartbroken ex will be around in a year or two, and given your recent history with men and seeming need to latch on to one at all times, your kid will likely grow up witnessing a parade of strange "uncles" shuffling in and out of Mom's bedroom, not best example to set. Random question: If living, is your bio-dad in the picture, or did you have a strong adult male model continuously present in your life while growing up?
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