A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am pregnant - have not spoken to the father in four months. He didn't want to stick around so I didn't make him. Today, I learned through Facebook of all platforms that he is 'in a new relationship' with someone else.. I don't even know why I had him still in my facebook friends but I guess it was in case we get back. The girl he is now with looks like me too.I doubt she knows but she put him in her pics and called him 'My Baby' so I doubt she even knows that he has made me pregnant which made me feel bit sickcos she appears to be a nice girl from what I have seen. He has not bothered to contact me once in 4 months and so I have not kept in touch either. I thought he would come around and make an effort but he didn't. I thought if he was going to move on to someone else he would have at least told me rather then me finding out through a status update on facebook. I do not want to let this upset me but it has. I have been so cool about this with him prior..I feel its like he is rubbing salt into my wound...and why? I didn't act needy, I didn't chase after him. I gave him the choice. I only assumed he wanted to draw me out and use this as a way to make me angry...but I have not reacted at all. I could have easily sent her a mail but I didn't. I wonder also if he is using this new relationship as a way to force me to talk to him...I have still kept calm and not bothered but it does bother me. Im at the half way point and his new girl is all over him like a rash calling him her baby etc. and showing on her page how in love she is with him. I was tempted to instantly delete him from my friends contacts etc and see if he noticed. BUT I have not bothered cos I thought then I would be stooping to his level. What would you do and really I don't want to let this get to me. Thankfully baby is fine and I am doing great all things considering. I am not scared of being a single mum...would rather be a single mum then with a man who didnt deserve me. Anyway would love to hear your thoughts on this. I am convinced that perhaps he denies the baby is his though he knows it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did it..I finally delete him and his friend off my facebook..thank you. It was hard though.
A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (9 November 2009):
 I know its hard to do one thing or the other to be "right" but the only way you're not going to have your face rubbed in his freedom is by not looking at his!
If you don't want to appear to be rising to his bait, just wait a few weeks, say nothing about the relationship status then one day, all of a sudden, delete him. Maybe even have a glass of juice to celebrate cutting that tie.
You can always find him in the future, should you need to.
So much good luck for you with the baby though :) xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you - I really like what you have written. You are right. I am just throwing a fit over nothing. He has moved on. I guess I should too. I think what is more annoying is he beat me to it but even though he has been able to watch my page from afar, I have given no signs on my page that I am with anyone etc. and my relationship status still says single on it. He sees I am popular with people but that is it. I think you are right - if I delete him off it would help me but I am worried that if I do that...I am again rising to the bait but yes I am now trying to see how deleting them will help me.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (9 November 2009):
Such is the state of the world today that we learn most of our worst news via friend updates and status modifications on internet web pages.
In real life, if faecbook etc didn't exist, you'd probably not have found out about this new relationship, and I feel that whatever the reason for the status update that you're hurting more than you care to admit.
You're pregnant with this guys baby and as an expectant mother all you want is for the best for your baby. Feelings of guilt, regret, anger and others are only natural, but if you've decided to let him go and go it alone, you should have let him go completely - seeing him on facebook is going to have ended up causing trouble eventually if you haddn't spoken in a while.
I am going to assume that if his page is active he'll have been able to keep tabs on you and see how you're doing and how you're coping while he's off doing his own thing from a distance, so why would he email you or call you, there's no need, he can she you from afar.
I suggest for your own peace of mind, deleting him from your facebook and concentrate on yourself and your baby. Let him life whatever life it is he thinks he needs to lead right now and contact him when the baby is born, if you feel you want to let him know. Maybe the reality will sink in then and maybe he'll step up and come to his senses and pay for that child, his child.
If you don't want him in your life, you need to move him out of your life instead of holding onto that thread.
When we let people go, we shouldn't be surprised if they take the opportunity to run with it.
You're very strong for not contacting them regarding the new relationship. If she doesn't know about you then that will be for him to deal with in the future when the baby arrives and he has to be a man. Emailing now would only satisfy his need to cause drama and make you look like the crazy ex.
Let it all wash over your head, think about you and the baby and keep your distance. If he wants to be a part of the babies life he'll need to earn that and stop acting like a teenager who doesn't want to do his chores.
When the time comes, paternity tests are available and you can take that in whichever direction you need to go.
Don't waste anymore time on these people. Be strong.
xxx
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