A
female
age
41-50,
*unystar1
writes:I'm 9 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend just left me and our 14 month old daughter and 2 step children. He said I pushed him to do it, that he did not abandon us. Its all my fault for seeing how far he would go. Is this a man thing to do. He cheated and we fought over it but how can you just quit it when its rough. How could he do this to me and I have a terminal illness and I am trying to give him gifts that will last a new lifetime..now I dont no if I should continue this pregnancy.ALONE AND SCARED Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sunystar1 +, writes (8 October 2010):
Sunystar1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question To update the last advice from Dalmation. I should have really payed more attention to what u said about his character and when times get rough. He came back after about 8 days of being gone. Things were rocky and the 2nd pregnancy really took it's toll on me. I was hospitalized at 26 weeks with very low critical blood levels. He came and saw me once. He did not stay long saying he was tired. But I found out he called his friend from work to come over for pizza and beer. SERIOUSLY...I'm in the hospital fighting for my life and the babies life. I made it thru and was enduced Sept 09. As with the 1st baby, we fought and he was gone the night before. I told myself it was his way of coping with his fears. Yeah right - denial. Then he left the hospital needing his sleep. My mom took our other child. 2 weeks after our son was born we had a scare. We were at church and my son kept twitching and acting lethargic. He had just had a circumcision a couple of days before. I called the dr and they told me to take him to the ER. The dr wanted to do all these painful test on my new baby...including a spinal tap. I said no because of my neuro history and they could cause more harm than good. They thought my baby had menigitis. They did not even wait for the blood work to show elevated white blood cells. So I then was threatened by the ER Dr. that she would have to report that I was not doing what was in my childs best interest. I told them I was. He had no fever and no signs. That the twitching may have been a seizure but I asked for them to check for epilespy first. To start small test and then go bigger if there was signs. I advocated for my child and said they can admit him to see if he declines over the next couple of hours as they said he would if it was menigitis. And if he did in fact have it, his prognosis was grave anyways so why add more pain. My husband left and did not stay with us. The dr said that he could be dead within 24 hours if this was in case meningitis. But he needed his sleep. He had gotten a really good job and I tried to understand his approach even though I would have said hell with the job and spent the last moments I could with my son. Thank GOD my mommy instincts were right. My baby was fine. The dr actually said he is very advanced and felt that I made all the right calls and fought for all the right reasons. 2 weeks after this, my husband left us again. He lost the job and showed no care for it. When I keep trying to tell myself he just don't cope well with medical stuff, I think the more evident issue here is that he just don't care about us. We are only for the moment and what benefits him the most. Sad thing is....life will do to him what he has done to others. This is why I stay with him so that I may show him how real love, real family is when problems and tragedys come your way. But I am starting to feel like I am going to be his biggest tragedy. I will do to him what he has done to us and walk away. He will see how good he had it and how many in this house loved him so much that we set him free to go be what he thinks a man is.
A
male
reader, Dalmatian +, writes (2 March 2009):
He is the one with the problems. You concentrate onhaving a healthy pregnancy. He lived with you but hadsex with anyone who was available. You are very lucky if you did not get an STD from this guy. I had some veryrough times in my marriage but I did not have sex withother women or blame my wife. I became and am very religious which gives me strenth. With professional helpwe worked it out. A man stays and trys again. It isnot your fault - it is not your fault. He needs the fixing.See that attorney and get child support and any otherassistance. He might come back when he finds out thathe will have to pay dollars in support. But do you really want him back ?
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A
female
reader, Sunystar1 +, writes (1 March 2009):
Sunystar1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. I just wanted to update some more info because I didn't know if I would get replys. We met online through MySpace in December of 2006. We talked all the time and I asked all kinds of ?s to makes sure we would be compatiable. We had our first real get together on New Years Eve. I felt even more of a connection to him at that point. I wanted to continue and edulge in the feelings I had. We moved very fast in our relatioship. Within a month he asked me for commitment. I gave willingly. I traveled 3 hours every weekend to be with him. In Feb he began to take turns and travel 3 hours to me. We rotated every weekend in OK and then in MO. We did not want to be apart. Things were great. The honeymoon phase they call it. But in March I started to get these feelings about certain people that were around us. That he had crossed lines. Anyways, we worked through it and he always reassured me that I had nothing to worry about and I trusted that. So in April (4 months dating) I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked since I had been on birth control. (I was advised to never have more children because in 2002 I suffered a mini stroke and blood clot which caused sever Neurological problems. Hydrocephalus and Chiari Malformation with Increased Intracranial Pressue. They diagnosed many many deformities and was amazed that I could walk, talk, speak and live a somewhat normal life. But death came knocking at 25. I became very very ill. I could hardly function and everyday I was losing more of myself and my life. I refused to accept the 6 months I was given and I surrrendered to God and fought. I underwent brain surgery Jan of 2004 and began to get ahold of life again. I then endured 2 additonal surgeries to restore my health. I also left a dead marriage after 11 years.) Anyways that is why the pregnancy scared me. I did not want to have an abortion because I had done this after my second child with my x husband and I feel in to deep depression. I shared this story with my boyfriend long before we were addressing the same choices. So he supported me having the baby because he did not want to lose us. I shared that I had lost all respect for my X by allowing and pushing me to abored our 3rd child.Things were good for the first trimester. I felt so loved and blessed with a miracle. He moved up to MO with me leaving 2 children of his own behind. 1, he had parttime relations with and the other he did not see hardly at all. So he focused on what he could have with us. We went back for a visit to OK to see the child he could see. The mom was still in love with him and always found ways to push his buttons. We took the chold shopping and I also trimmed his hair since that is my profession. We figured we could save her the time and money. She got upset and called his cell as we drove to announce to his parents we were having a baby. She blurted out that my boyfriend was not what I though and he had cheated on me with her the same week I concieved our child. And 2 time before that as well. I WAS DEVASTATED. CRUSHED! It felt like my world just died. He admitted to one time but that it was in Jan, he thought, said he could not remember. Needless to say, I was 4 months pregnant and wanted to make it work. So I attempted to forgive and forget. But she was always in the picture and it made it so hard. We began to fight alot about her and the things I felt she continued to do. Then at 6 months I went digging as he says and found out a friend of his that we were always around, that he had slept with her before we met. It was one of his best friends wife of 10 years. Not only did he sleep with her but it was a 3sum with another girl that use to date one of his other friends. AGAIN - DEVASTATED. But it happened before me. My trust had just died. So we had lots of issues with me trusting. There is so much more to this. SO MUCH. But I still believe he has good in his heart and he was just trying to find himself. I just dont know what to do. He say that I have to figure myself out and fix my problems before he will come back and help me. I am so sick right now in the first trimester. I keep bleeding off and on and I fear the health of this baby is in jeapordy. He said that if we are meant to be, that after I show him, he will be back by my side. It makes me angry because he has issues too. I feel we should be doing this together as a team. Now he is back in OK and he will choose when he wants to answer my calls or text. It feels like I am being tested but yet I still feel love. What is wrong with me??????
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A
male
reader, Dalmatian +, writes (1 March 2009):
Continue the pregnancy. Bring the new life into the
family. Contact an attorney ASAP to start child support
and continue medical payments. He cannot legally just
walk away from his responsibilities. It is not your fault!!
Young children and a very ill wife and his means to cope
is to have sex with another woman. A man takes care of
his family and you measure the character of a man by
how he handles the tough times. He failed the test in the
worst way. Again, you have no guilt - he abandoned his
wife and children.
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