A
male
age
51-59,
*anitou
writes:hello everyone. ! i m here becouse i just googled married man to a woman and being gay. trying to find out answers. i have a woman in my life who has been with me for around 17 years. we had good sex and i was in love to her at the begining of our relationship. but incopatibilities cames out and after 2 years being together we broke as many times you can imagine. I m a 43yo. at the begining of our relationship she was pregnant but she didnt want to have the baby, contrary to my desire. she took the easyway. she already had a baby from her first marriage (now 19yo) after the years she got pregnant again but at this time i didnt want to go further so we went again through the same way.since i was child i knew i had same sex atraction but i tried very hard to keep in the "rigth way" then and during our relationship and times we broke i started to have same sex relationships. and 6 years ago i broke definitively with her ( not related to my sexual orientation) then i started my first serious gay relationship and i moved to other country with him. this relation was a fiasco becouse even if i m atracted to same sex i disagree with the gay life style. i tried so hard to meet real men, no fem, like maybe wronly i pictured. but it never happened. my wife always was after me, calling me and being so lovely and all those times we broke up i always comeback for the love or maybe for pity to her and her daugther wich i loved as mine.1.5 years ago i decided to comeback and work out in our relationship. but this time i had doubts about my health and becouse i didnt want do something to hurt her in all ways i did a HIV test.. the result was POZ. she decided to stay with me without any question. she has changed in certain ways, she s lovely but now we not only still have some discrepancies about life my also now my feelings about be with a man are deep.before write this i was resignated to live my life just focusing to my job and eliminating my feelings. I m a very positive attitude and being POZ for me is just an expression becouse i never think about it and it doesnt represent any limitation on my projects. ( i m a business man) we do not have sex and she doesnt care, i dont understand why she is with me and why she loves me.. maybe after many ruptures i dont have the gots to tell her i m not interested.we pass good times in terms of rutines but i feel like im died inside.so now i dont have xpectations to meet a man ( becouse of my 6 fustrated years ) and i dont have the gots to tell her.no expecting instructions about what to do with my life or what could be the right thing to do but tnks for your comments if they come out. (respectful)
View related questions:
broke up, hiv , married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): first of all i have to comment on what ashleym626 had to say - 'it is a sickness' 'defect from birth' 'your weakness'. i cant agree with any of that but i can see the option of you loving your wife more and building on that. that assumes you actually want to do that of course. you mention about wanting a relationship with a man who is 'a man's man' so to speak, but you can't seem to find anyone like this. well believe me they do exist so if you really want this don't give up. think about where you can go to stand the chance of meeting this type of man. it's likely to be a venue where 'sex' isn't the main thing on offer but where gay men gather for whatever reason.
do you have some trusted friends you can talk to about what you really want for yourself? it seems to me knowing what you want and needfor yourself is the starting point. it would be sad for your wife if you go seperate ways again but at the end of the day at this stage in your life you really need to feel you want to be with her.
hope this makes sense and good luck
A
female
reader, ashleym626  +, writes (29 October 2008):
I understand how hard it must be in life to have an attraction to the same sex because I am a straight female and I dont know what it would be like if someone said being attracted to a male is wrong because thats what my emotions and mind tell me is right. Im sure with being gay your emotions and feeling lean you towards being with the same sex is right. But it is a sickness. If anything it is a defect from birth and yes I cant imagine how hard it must be for you to live a lie but god says those who are born with and kind of cripling will be blessed beyond anyone so maybe you should just try to focus more on your wife, and what you love about her and you will be able to grab love with her again. Love can be a choice and I think you gave up on her because of your weakness. If you dedicated yourself again you would be amazed on how you can fall in love again. and maybe talking about your problems or being put on antidepressants could help you a little and focus on the positive. I wish you the best of luck
...............................
|
