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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am in my mid twenties and there seems to be some power struggle with my mom.. she tends to live in the past and still thinks i am 16 even 19 at times. She doesn't spend money on worthless things at all..but i think she has a problem in terms of occassions and giving money to nephews who are my age now, or this person and this person thinking it is necessary.I honestly don't get the whole - for every person or used to be close person you know..for a birthday you need to send money.. or when they have kids you need to help support that kid and send money for every little occassion... i just don't get the concept.. people are just trying to get by as it is and just pay their bills and save without giving for every occassion coming up.My mother worked for a lady's mother being an aid.. and i guess she spoke about me alot..so this lady who doesn't even know me.. sends me gifts for everything... for a birthday, for christmas... it is nice and all but i just don't even want the gift because now i have to reciprocate.. i am in my mid twenties--i honestly don't want to be spending my money on this.. my mother and i go through arguments.. i have to send her this and this for her birthday.. at times my mother used her own money i think after i signed a card..I just don't understand how this lady even thinks its ok and normal for me to be giving her this stuff because she is sending me stuff?It makes no sense to me... my mother's good friend from years ago - her son had a baby a few years ago... and she gave my brother a hard time..needing to send gifts etc... My brother and his wife were actually kind of angry.. they gave one gift but my brother said flat out.. i am not sending a gift every year for this baby for their birthday etc.. i have my own bills and a step kid and i am not asking others to send gifts. I am not even close with him anymore.There are many more examples and you get the idea.Do other people go through this struggle as well or do you just accept this is what is sort socially necessary with a lot of things and people?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ven  +, writes (17 October 2010):
I wouldn't accept it. Granted, I don't expect to get anything from people. I would rather spend the money I have on people I actually share my life with, and not on people I only know through cards and gifts.
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