A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Potentially getting back with an old flame... we fell MADLY in love a few summers ago.. it didn't work out for various reasons.. communication problems mostly and petty insecurities on both sides. It's been 2 1/2 years and we have both matured and are in happy places in our lives individually. It seems like a no brainier that if we are both available, we should give it a shot.. the passion and chemistry are amazing.. I worry that one of the reasons we fell apart the first time is that we have nothing in common.. and that is still the case.. Welcome any advice.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2015): Original poster here- nothing in common as in no friends in common and we run in different circles. We do share some interests like film & photography but I'm not sure it's enough because there are some huge differences that are bigger - I'm vegetarian, he isn't. He's really social and I'm more of an introvert.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 June 2015):
 What does "nothing in common" mean?
IF it means that the $*x you and he share is the only thing you (and he) have "in common"..... then you are correct that that is a pretty shallow basis upon which to make a relationship......
IF there are other "things" that you and he share (have "in common")... such as golf, or bowling, or movies... THEN you really DO have "something in common"... don't you?
Figure out how and why you and he might spend time together (as those "in a relationship" do). If there's nothing there.... don't waste your's or her time trying to force a relationship that doesn't exist....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2015): Well he is a tattooed scenester and I'm more literary art nerd but we share a good sense of humor and he is also very caring about people and animals and I am too. So that's a couple of things we have in common. We're both immigrants (from different countries) and that could be a source of common experiences. I take your point about not expecting it to be the exact same thing because it really isn't the same as before. Everything is different and it doesn't match the rosy memories I've held close to my heart. But you're right, I will approach it with an open mind, open to fun and whatever may come. Thank you for your thoughts!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 June 2015):
 You know, where I come from we have a saying about fireworks. NEVER GO BACK TO A DUD! I think it translate very well into relationships too. WHY do the SAME thing over and over and expect a different outcome?
Yes, you two might have grown up a little, doesn't MEAN you are now a good fit.
While passion and chemistry is important... you can't base a relationship on solely that. There has to be some SUBSTANCE to it, for it to last.
ON the other hand, if you don't try you might regret that later on. I would NOT go into it with the notion that this time it will work perfectly, but with the notion that the two of you can have fun and who knows maybe find some common ground this time, but if you don't? Then at least you tried and you know.
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