A
female
age
36-40,
*atsumerrose
writes:Hi, i just need some advice on this issue (it's kind of long!):So I'm in college and my boyfriend of 3 years and I were involved in this performing arts activity that had us travel two hours away from school every weekend. We ended up staying at this guys house on the weekends, who soon became my boyfriends new best friend. This new guy was gay and secretly liked my boyfriend. He lived in a really small apartment, and there were about four of use staying in his room over the weekend.Well, my boyfriend ended up sleeping in his gay friends bed every weekend, which i didn't really see a problem with, considering my boyfriend wasn't gay. He was with me.One weekend he decided that he wanted to break up. I was starting to become suspicious of him and his new friends relationship. One night I caught him rubbing his friends head when he thought everyone was asleep, and i confronted him about it. He just said that his gay friend was really sad and needed comfort. That night he told me that he didn't like his gay friend, that he was in love with me, and would never leave.The next night, however...My boyfriend told me that he just didn't love me the same way. This really confused me because the night before he told me that he was in love with me and that he would never leave. A few days after he broke up with me, he told me that he thought we could be together again, and that he just needed a while to think.So we got into another big fight, and he had one of his friends (who lives about an hour away) come pick him up, and he stayed the rest of the week over there.Well, it turns out that my boyfriend told his gay friend that he liked him, and that he was like 10% into guys. They ended up having sex the second night he was there.My boyfriend came back to school, and ended up telling me what happened. He said that he still loved me, and that he was really disgusted with what he did. He said that he wasn't gay, and he had never thought about having sex with another man. He even told me that he said no before the sex, but his gay friend kept going at it.Okay, so here is some background on this gay friend: He's really manipulative. He acted like he was my friend, and told me that I should leave my boyfriend. He told my boyfriend that I wasn't right for him and essentially tried to break the two of us up. He has done this to a lot of other couples, and just uses people to get what he wants. My boyfriend claims that he never wanted it to happen, and that the only reason he told his gay friend that he liked him was to shut him up. Now my boyfriend is really depressed. He's sick with what he's done and it seems to me like he really isn't into guys, and that he never wanted it to happen. I'm just not sure what to do about this situation. Please help!
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female
reader, natsumerrose +, writes (8 April 2008):
natsumerrose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure if I'm okay with being in a relationship with someone who is bisexual. I try to have an open mind, so I don't judge people. But i just dont think I'm okay with my boyfriend being bisexual.
He claims that he is not bisexual, and that he never wanted to act on his curiosity. My boyfriend also says that he even told his friend that he "couldn't do this" when his friend pressured him for sex. Is it possible that he is not bisexual? Im not so sure what really defines bisexuality.
As for his friend, I had no idea that he had done this kind of thing before. I wish I would have, and I would have stayed as far away from him as possible. But nobody warned me about him.
Thank you so much for your replies. :D
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Your BF is bisexual. I did interviewed a woman on bisexuality and you can listen to it for free at www.FBKradio.com
I think that if your BF did it once, he will do it again. He might be disgusted with himself, but that alone does not mean he wouldn't do it again.
As for the "friend", how do you know he has done this sort of thing to others? If you knew about his ahead of time, it was a sign that you needed to distance the friendship.
This will not be the last time your bf tries to be with a man. Are you bisexual yourself? Could you handle dating a man that occasionally or regularly needs to be with another man?
It IS possible to love more than one person at a time (listen to my interviews with swingers and polyamory couples, and even the one I did with a professional escort). They all confirm that there is a difference between being physically faithful and emotionally faithful, and have made their particular relationships work. You need to decide if such a relationship is right for you.
-Frank B Kermit of www.FBKradio.com and www.frankadviceforwomen.com
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): wow thats a lot of info there lol.
my friend was in a similar situation, her boyfriend of 9 months and her got very close, she lost her virginity to him and they were completlry in love.
Then he admitted he was bisexual, my friend didnt mind, she thought he loved her and knew he would never cheat.
But they all hung about with lots of gay poeple ...long story short he ended up havng sex with one of there friends. He didnt admitt it right away though, he lied about it for a good few weeks. She was devestated .. so was he, he cried and begged and was disgusted in himself. In the end she took him back and there perfectly happy again.
If you love this guy then i would take him back. he seems genuinly sorry and iam sure you can work things out. Thats what my friend did and things all worked out really great :):)
x
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