A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had an abortion about three weeks ago. I was feeling fine about it the first two weeks but now I'm not feeling so great. I feel like I see babies everywhere, and I'm sad about it.I want to talk to my boyfriend about my feelings but I'm really struggling to feel close to him. I feel like he shuts me off emotionally every time I try to tell him how i'm feeling. Last night he told me emotional connection is imaginary. I don't feel close to him at all and I'm considering breaking up with him. My libido is fine, but when we get close, I feel tense and part of me feels used. I asked him to tell me he loved me this morning and he told me that I 'to stop being so needy.' He is not a bad guy, he just struggles with emotions.How can I talk to him about how I'm feeling and regain the closeness and love I felt before? Up until this event I've been 100% that he is the one I want to marry. Now I want to run away from this relationship...
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): hi there, I know this is a very hard time for you and I will try and help as much as I can.
I recently had an abortion as well and I know what your going through. I thought I would be fine until after it and now although I don't regret it I do wonder what it would have been like if I never went through with it. I was very close to my partner as well and thought it was for life. But after the abortion I just didn't feel the same.
He didn't understand how I felt about it and I resented him for it. It wasn't his body it was mine and I felt like he just didn't comprehend how much I was hurting.
The baby wasn't in his belly he wasn't as attached as I was either. Although everything was the same as before I couldn't shake the feeling off. In the end I resented him for making me pregnant in the first place (my contraception failed) and couldn't look at him.
I think if this is the way you feel now this probably won't change. Your relationship has been tainted by this and it may never recover. Perhaps sit down and try and have a serious conversation about this. The most worrying thing for me is he won't even tell you he loves you? You need to have a serious think about whether you can continue from here. If you would like me to mail you about it just let me know.
Good luck I hope everything works out for the best for you and you find away to move on from this. It would help to see a councillor and talk it through with someone who will not judge you and help you let your feelings out and work through this with you x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 3 weeks ago you were pregnant with all that it entails. That means crazy hormones as well. They don't go away the moment the fetus is gone. It takes the body ( I believe) 6 weeks to readjust. So accept that part.Secondly, even if abortion was the best solution for you, it's not an easy one to deal with afterwards. I strongly suggest you find a counselor. Maybe though the doctor who referred you.If he isn't ready to talk about it, give him a little time, but let him know that when he is ready you have a NEED to talk about it.It WASN'T his body that went through all this. I think in many cases it is MUCH easier for the guy to distance himself from the whole deal. since most abortions are done long before you see an Ultra sound or even a bump on the belly it doesn't "feel" as real for the guy as it does for the woman.Good luck,
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