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Post abortion guilt is now setting in

Tagged as: Big Questions, Faded love, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 March 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 25 March 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I had an abortion last November. I had been going out with this guy for a few months, the relationship had all happened very quickly as the boy I was in love with, who I had been seeing but never was officially with for three years got a girlfriend over the summer.

I didn't know how to take it, I was distraught and when his friend had shown interest in me I immediately just jumped into a relationship that wasn't right. We started having sex a lot, without any contraception. I knew it was wrong but I think I was in denial, and had just given up caring being so desperately unhappy.

I had contraception ready to start for the next month but when my period didn't come I couldn't start it. He then broke up with me and a few days later I found out I was pregnant. I knew I couldn't keep it as I never do want to have children and he helped me through and stayed in hospital with me until it was over.

I am now feeling terribly guilty. I think the realisation has only just hit me and the fact that me and my family are Catholic I couldn't tell my mum. I feel very alone and don't know how I'm going to deal with it. I feel so guilty I don't even think I could go to church anymore, let alone to confession.

I don't know what to do or how to make it any better, but I just feel ashamed and that I'm a bad person.

View related questions: abortion, broke up, period

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (25 March 2012):

Honeypie agony auntYou are not a bad person. You did what you felt was right for you.

I suggest you find a support group ( google it) and talk to others in the same position or find a counselor through your doctor.

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A female reader, PeanutButter United States +, writes (25 March 2012):

PeanutButter agony auntI agree that you are not in any way a bad person. I also agree that perhaps you need some councelling to get you through some tough times you may have ahead and want to also say that you should not under any circumstances feel ashamed of how you handled the situation.

You only have one life and while you feel you may have gone in a direction you might otherwise have left alone if things turned out different, the fact of the matter is you did what you felt was the right thing to do for you at the time and we can only respect that.

Feel strong in your convictions and realise that what will be will be. You did what you felt best and never regret that.

Best of wishes.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (25 March 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntYou are NOT a bad person, you made a decision based on your life's circumstances at that moment. Unless your mother is a died in the wool Catholic who is blinkered to the facts of life and who would chose the church's teachings over you confide in her. Otherwise find a social worker to talk to, if you are still a student there should be somebody available for you, or a local women's centre, or a telephone counselling service.

You need some female female unconditional loving, your mother or a sister or aunt, good friend, or a professional, please, just find somebody to talk to rather than bottling this up inside, let it out rather than letting it fester.

I wish you the best for your future.

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