A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The preliminary details:I am an open gay man and I have no problem with my social life, but my curiosity in meeting interesting people all around the world led me to a social networking site that connects strangers from every part of the world. More specifically a few months ago I met a wonderful (wonderful is such an understatement) southern gay gentleman from the opposite end of the US on that same website. He was refreshing right from the beginning. And what started as nothing on my end, evolved into a platonic crush; which has developed into full-blown adoration for the man. The problem:- The long distance thing is not practical. It was not intentional for me to search for someone far or on the Internet, but I never thought I would meet someone with so many remarkable qualities like his. I have dated men out here, but it’s hard to imagine I’d meet someone as intriguing out here.He has stated he generally is only attracted to white men. This is a problem as I am non-white. However, he has followed that remark by adding that ultimately while those are the guys he typically falls for…he knows enough to not fully close himself to the possibility of liking someone who is not white.We can go a few days (no more than 3) without talking. Correction, he can. I cannot. Just when I am ready to give up though he contacts me and wins me all over with his sweetness. - Here’s the final and possibly the biggest dilemma, I am not sure, but I don’t think he likes me the same way I like him. Then again, I am not exactly sure.Factors to be considered:- He is single, and has faced similar issues to myself when dating other guys.- He absolutely loves my sense of humor. When I have talked to him, I have him laughing quite a bit. In fact, he’s directly complimented my sense of humor. Tehehehe. I am blushing as I type this. - He shares so many aspects of his life with me. I know so much about his personal life. And I just love it in every bit of it. He’s shared pictures with me, and I don’t mean explicit dirty ones. I just mean the kind only a close friend would share.- He has his own endearing nickname for me. It’s actually very cute.- I once told one of my best friends about him, and then I told him…I talked about him to my best friend. I could tell he was very curious, because he kept asking what I said about him. - He texts me very early in the morning with cute texts. Okay, I have rambled too much. I apologize for writing so much, I get so carried away. This situation is not something I looked for and it’s really not something I know how to deal with. I don’t know where to move on from here, but it would pain me to lose him. Is he worth pursuing? Is it possible that he may like me as well and I am just terrible at reading the signs? Can a physical attraction develop overtime? Long-distance is an issue, and most people will discourage it—but is there anyone who thinks differently about long-distance (I’d be curious to know)? Should I tell him how I feel at the risk of changing the dynamic between us? Any and all advice is welcome. Thank you.
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best friend, crush, long distance, move on, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Lies  +, writes (7 October 2012):
This is a hard situation. You ultimately have to decide on two things:-Long distance relationship, visit on a basis of a few months, and try to take it from there. -Find someone else, but keep him close as a friend.However, you must tell him your feelings towards him. If you don't and you keep having a crush on him, it will end up disastrous. None of us really have an experience for long distance relationships, as it does go terribly wrong most of the time. But I think the most agreeable thing in able to have a long distance relationship is to have the right and strong enough feelings. If it's fragile, it will reflect on the amount of time it will last, and same the other way around if it is strong. Hope I helped in the slightest,Lies.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo 1busybee:While I will agree that protection is very important, I think you missed a few details in my lengthy dilemma. I am not looking to get shagged by a random guy. Random hook-ups (momentary pleasure) are not hard to find, which is why I have no interest in them. When you are truly enamored by an individual; that becomes a separate story, and in my case it's led me to seek guidance from users on here. To the anonymous female who wrote such a thoughtful response:I want to sincerely thank you for everything you wrote. It means a lot for me that someone would take some of their valuable time to read my trouble, and not only that but provide insightful comments and advice. As you can tell, I love him so much. I can't help it. He has me feeling like a middle-school girl giggling every time I hear from him. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't win.I understand it's not a conventional type of relationship, and you bring a valid point when you say that people through texts will only share certain parts of their life. However, the cynical side in me believes that shady people will not just do that via texts, but also in person. Needless to say, he does not strike me as one of those shady people as he has shared so much with me: from childhood photos, to photos of all his family, best friends, bedroom, and he very often he will text me photos from his day. We have conversed for hours on the phone as he's told me some pretty personal problems he's faced. You are right, what one person interprets from one text may have a complete different meaning than what was intended. This is unfortunate for me, because therein lies the whole root of the problem. Lots of confusion. Ahhh.So you believe an LDR (assuming both people are interested) could potentially work if both people are willing to work with some of the hardships that come with not being near together for a while? Just a side note he has expressed wanting to live elsewhere.You bring an interesting suggestion. I really hadn't thought of asking him if I could visit him. Even if it's not in a romantic kind of way, I would still like to meet this great friend of mine. Sorry to continue piling on the questions, but is there a way of asking without seeming too pushy? I mean going from one end of the country to the other with meeting him as my only reason might seem a little odd, no?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): It's lovely to read such a nice post.. You have conveyed throughout how much you basically adore this other guy.. And though you do adore him, you basically only know him through text, and what parts of his life he decides to disclose to you, it's very hard to gauge a person from just this.Text can also mean one thing to one person, and yet be misconstrued by another. . I'm not saying that this isn't worth pursuing . But I do feel you need to bring your head down from the clouds a little . lDR can work, through hard work and there coming a point in time when two people decided to be together. Go and see him for a visit, friends do that it might incur some financial output on your part but would be worth seeing him on his on home ground.People can seem one way in text on phone , yet if there no chemistry between you both they'll be no relationship . So i say go see and then take it from there.
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A
female
reader, 1busybee +, writes (22 September 2012):
Find someone closer to home. Please use a condom!
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