A
female
age
36-40,
*seless_witch
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have lived together for 2 years. We are planning to get married next year. We used to have sex about 2-4 times a week. He always tells me I'm sexy. However, within the last 6 months, we've hardly had sex at all. The last two times we did it he fell asleep during it and didn't finish. He pushes my hands away when I try to touch him and has even turned down offers for blow jobs. He claims he's "tired" all the time. He does work two jobs, and I can understand he's tired. But even when he has time off he just doesn't seem to be interested. Tonight I happened to stumble across his stash of porn on his computer. I was aware that he had it but it appears that he's been viewing it A LOT recently (a long list of pornographic pictures showed up in his start menu's "Recently viewed" window. ) What is sickening is that some of these girls look like they're only 17. I am a recovering bulimic and have severe body image issues, and knowing that he's getting off to pictures of young, skinny girls makes me feel like shit. We've gone around this issue before in the past, and I've made it clear I don't mind porn, but I don't like it when he HIDES it, or when he spends more time with it than me. Right now I am having severe doubts that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I love him, but I have needs and they are being completely disregarded. I don't know if I could handle spending the rest of my life being "the chick he goes to bed with, but doesn't sleep with." He thinks it's normal for a husband to jack off to porn as long as he goes to bed with the wife and is faithful. But what about my needs? I'm only 26 and have a high libido. When I found the pictures he's been looking at earlier, I deleted all of them out of anger. I know he is going to discover this eventually and be pissed, but I feel at the end of the rope. Like it's either me or the porn. I just don't know what to do or how to handle this.
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female
reader, useless_witch +, writes (21 October 2010):
useless_witch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo last night I flat out asked him, why he's not attracted to me anymore. And he got pissed and claimed I was trying to start a fight. I confronted him on the porn and told him I don't care if he looks at adult women, but if I ever find pictures of teenagers- whether they are of legal age or not- on a computer IN MY HOME again, I will chop his balls off. That's what really bothers me, is that he's looking at girls who LOOK SO YOUNG. He knows how adamant I am against child pornography, and finding that stuff (one looked like Miley Cyrus) literally made me want to kill him.
He also claimed that he hasn't looked at porn or jacked off in months. I don't know whether I believe him or not. Usually we are home together, so maybe he is telling the truth. I'm still disgusted that he has fantasized about having sex with teenage girls. He knows how much that stuff pisses me off- especially since one of his friends was dating an 18 year old a while back (they are both in their 30s) and I made it clear I thought it was disgusting (he was using the girl for sex).
And I'm sorry, I don't care if they are just pictures and not real people. Every time I find porn, I feel like I've been cheated on. It makes me feel like less of a woman.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Once someone starts choosing pornography over his girlfriend, a living human being, it's definitely crossed the line into an addiction. If you can't get him to see it's a real problem and he needs to get help, if he continues insisting this is "normal," then you will have to leave. Nobody is worth sacrificing your self-esteem over. Please realize this isn't about you. Pornography can be addictive and whether someone gets sucked in or not has nothing to do with his or her partner. Take care.
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