A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I found porn on my boyfriends computer and it made me feel really betrayed and uncomfortable, I don't usually have a problem with that kind of thing, but he told me he doesn't watch it now. I don't know if I'm just being over dramatic which he says I am but I can't help how I feel. I really don't know how to act for the best.
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male
reader, core_confusion +, writes (5 April 2009):
 Men do generally tend to use porn in some form or another. I think that maybe it is because men are orientated towards physical gratification (as opposed to many women, for whom emotional satisfaction is far more important). [sorry for the generalisation - no offence intended] Perhaps there is a compromise. How would you feel if your partner made sure that you never found it? Is it the fact that your partner used porn, or the fact that it was carelessly left around that upset you.
Speaking personally. I have used porn at times - I'd be lying if I said otherwise. Some of that time I was in a relationship, but I made sure that it never entered our lives and was well away from my partner. I'm fairly sure that my partner was also using porn and she, like me, kept it away from our relationship. I don't think that bothered either of us, but it would have been a different story if either of us had physically found it.
Above all, you need to talk to each other about this, as embarrassing as it seems, and come to an agreement that you are both happy with. If he understands how you feel then I am sure that he will be happy to change to a certain extent, but equally you should not simply dismiss his reasoning out of hand. Agreement and compromise are the key.
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (5 April 2009):
 This question has been asked so often take a look at this http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-men-understand-how-women-feel-about.html it has lots and lots of different views on the whole porn issue.
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