A
female
age
30-35,
*ampyricHybrid
writes:What should I do? What would you do if you were in my situation?First of all, please do not answer this in a rude way or say "Porn is natural for a male."My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately and I've been getting very suspicious. I feel horrible about not trusting him one hundred percent, but I do try to give him the benefit of the doubt. First off, he never thinks of me sexually, he ignores me, he never takes me seriously, he never thinks of the consequences for his actions, and he thinks that I'm completely and utterly oblivious whenever he lies about something. He use to be extremely bad about stealing and I've broken him of about ninety percent of it but whenever I'm not with him he'll come home with things that I know that he's stolen. I've noticed that all of his technological devices have porn on them. He blames his friends for the porn on his Ipod Touch and his tablet, and he says the porn that's in his internet history on his computer is from spam and pop-ups. First off, he has a pop-up blocker, and I've noticed that all three of the above listed things have the same sites on them, and then links that have been followed in that site. Well, I got into his G-mail and looked at his web history and it shows what he has searched, porn. I confronted him about this and he told me I didn't trust him enough and that I was invading his privacy,yelling all the while. I found that he yells whenever he's lying and he thinks I don't notice. I recently confronted him about drugs and he didn't want to admit anything at first but then, he told me he had done some marijuana. Whenever I broke down I asked him why he didn't tell me immediately, he told me that he assumed I would get very irate. I wasn't irate, I never get irate unless he lies to me. I cried for most of that day and I cry still whenever I think about it. I asked him if he had anything else to admit and he said he didn't. I'm tired of it.- Is there any possible way I can get him to realize that it hurts me whenever he lies more so than it would if he would just tell me? What would you do, honestly? Because, I am out of ideas, and tired of the b.s. -Thank you for your time, I'm sorry it was so long. Please, no negative comments,I beg you, I have enough problems, and I'm sensitive.
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female
reader, VampyricHybrid +, writes (18 March 2009):
VampyricHybrid is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh wow, I'm really sorry. That's horrible, especially since you have a daughter, and the fact the he swore on her life and continued to due so is extremely bad. I'm very sorry for the situation you are in, just think about what's best for you and for your daughter. Good luck, you'll be in my prayers.
A
female
reader, ZA  +, writes (10 March 2009):
Hey, unfortunately I am soneone who is in the same situation as you! I have been married 19mths and have a 4 mth old daughter! I found out about my husbands porn via internet, tv and phone recently and know for definate it has been going on since/before we got married. He swore on my daughters life he will stop but has since continued, it is very difficult to confront him now, he does not see it as a bad thing, doesn't even care about my feelings. He told me had no female friends yet i saw text conversations, long phone calls to girls and post office rec to one particular girls address! When confronted he said it was work related! I think he has even taken money from me to send to another woman!
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A
female
reader, VampyricHybrid +, writes (10 March 2009):
VampyricHybrid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answers,really. i've been trying to help him through it and he's getting a bit better but still doesn't seem to know how to open up. he thinks i'll judge him and think bad of him like everyone else. i've been finding the patience every day and praying alot for him. and, praying is not something i do often. thank you, your answers are much appreciated. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Well, First of all let me respond by saying that I am a Male who was at one time addicted to porn, marijuana, stealing, speeding and just about anything that was reckless and gave me a theoretical "rush". For the most part of my late teens (17-19) I was caught in a downward spiral. Absolutely none of my relationships were healthy, I had problems with authority, society, my parents, and I believed strongly that I was perfectly able to steal things to sort of get by. By the time I hit 19 drugs had almost completely destroyed my life. I had been to jail, I was trying other potentially fatal mind altering psychedelic substances, and my anger and paranoia was increasingly making me withdrawed from reality. On top of all this I was masturbating almost daily, multiple times to disgusting degrading porn. However one day something amazing happened to me I had a near death experience while under the influence of the drug LSD or acid, follwed by the fact that I receieved the blessing of a beautiful, understanding woman who was very patient in helping me overcome my destructive habits. This young girl eventually turned into my wife and she helped me to quit using drugs and alcohol. Eventually she also convinced me that through christianity I could accept my spiritual power and I ultimately stopped having such a strong grudge against society. However my porn addiction for some reason lingered. It wasnt that I was not attracted to my wife, or that I felt like I wanted to disrespect her. It was just simply that all the years of masterbating to smut basically made me want it every day, much like before. I have to say that it was an uphill battle. This was a dificult ordeal, but my wife sat down to confront me about it after she discovered it much like you did. She told me that I needed to wake up and realize that my childish impulses for pornographic content needed to cease, and that I needed to focus on the fact that I had a family and a wife to respect and care for. The point is, I was once a messed up little boy much like your boyfriend is now, however if you can find it inside of you to respect yourself and confront the demons that chain you, your boyfriend and your relationship to the cold walls of death (because porn is sin sin=death) you will find that you need to be a strong woman in order to fight this battle and make your relationship grow. Your boyfriend has to be willing to change and if you see that your efforts go in vain then its time for you to move on becuase the truth is that he has a lot of growing up to do. I hope that this advice comes to be valuable to you and that you resolve your problem. You are a young woman and you have a lot going for you, be strong and avoid temptation to follow the path of sin. God bless you AND your boyfriend because you both NEED him.
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A
male
reader, wetsneakers  +, writes (6 February 2009):
 An addiction is an addiction regardless of the "substance" of choice. I'd attend an Alanon session or 2 for some clear directions.
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