A
female
age
,
*ee-ann
writes:My bf have been together for 4 years on and on, mostly just seeing each other on the weekends. With in those 4 years I have been on my edge with him knowing he Jacks off every morning watching porn or some sort activities with porn on his computer. I tried to ask him why, he gets mad and tells me it's none of my business what he does! Stupidly I moved in with him in may for reasons I had to. Now I'm finding pictured his ex nude and sexual pictures and video. I have recently have found the same pictures of her and them having sex that he has been looking at He doesn't touch me weekdays I'm assuming he looks at these when he gets to work and Jacks off. I'm at my limit. What should I do if I comfort him with this? He will say I have been snooping on his phone
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female
reader, tee-ann +, writes (23 August 2016):
tee-ann is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, I don't have issues with the porn, it's just when it takes from me. That is my business. I don't have trust issues if i have no reason not to. Snooping I wasn't doing, just grabbed his phone & hit the button what shows up & there was his ex & him getting it on so yes then I did snoop...that was my business!@@
A
female
reader, tee-ann +, writes (27 July 2016):
tee-ann is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, I don't have issues with the porn, it's just when it takes from me. That is my business. I don't have trust issues if i have no reason not to. Snooping I wasn't doing, just grabbed his phone & hit the button what shows up & there was his ex & him getting it on so yes then I did snoop...that was my business!@@
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (25 July 2016):
 I want to take the photos of ex and porn issues separately here. With porn: I kind of empathize with him. I would not want my masturbation to be regulated by someone else, I would feel claustrophobic. Is porn a dealbreaker for you? Does it have to be, or can you imagine a way where you'd be comfortable with it, for example, if you both were there getting off? Why is porn a problem in your mind? Do you consider it cheating? Have you communicated what makes it a problem for you? To me, masturbating once a day when you're not present isn't disrespectful, it's natural and it's an acceptable release even while in a relationship. The method of masturbating (with porn/without porn) shouldn't be the choice of a partner unless it's some kinda thing you're doing together. So my overall feeling on this is that it IS none of your business. You know yourself better though, so if you can't get over it, you're not going to be able to get him to stop, so you may have to move on.
With the ex stuff, this is less of a debatable issue and I definitely think this is over the line and you should confront him about it. Yes it means you snooped but if you don't confront him about it you'll likely just harbor resentment at him anyway, so just come clean and see if there's some kind of compromise you can come up with. Maybe bring it up with a tone of confession and wanting to talk through your feelings being hurt vs. an accusatory tone. Maybe you can think of other times where you two could have almost had a fight and it didn't come to that, and he understood where you were coming from and draw from that approach.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 July 2016):
 You don't confront him. You LEAVE him. This *is* your business. Yes, you have been snooping on his phone, and I put this to you:
If you're with a guy in a relationship such that you are constantly monitoring him and invading his privacy, then you should leave him.
Yes, his watching porn has nothing to do with you. HOWEVER, pictures and sex videos with his ex DOES have something to do with you. My first thought is whether or not he's made a secret sex tape with you.
Your boyfriend is an addict. It's now interfering with his actual relationship with you. You have already confronted him. An "angry response" is the least of your worries. YOU need to end it. His response be damned.
One word of warning. If you are snooping with ALL of your relationships, and you have trust issues that cause you to behave like this with everyone, then YOU need professional help as well, because obsession, trust issues, and privacy violation will kill a relationship just as much as jerking off to sex videos with an ex will.
It's wrong to snoop on phones, break into Facebook accounts, read emails, dig around in drawers, all that. The notion that if someone loves you, they should provide you with their phone password is crap. Would you want him looking through your purse in secret or calling your bank or stealing your bank statements to obsess over what you spend for fear of being with another guy? Reading your texts? Privacy violation is also a breach of trust.
Leave him. You're not compatible with him when it comes to porn and masturbation. His keeping videos with his ex and looking at them when he's with you is a dealbreaker. Don't confront. Break up with him and move out.
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