A
female
age
30-35,
*arahlee123
writes:Hey everyone, so I need some advice, I recently found some things on my boyfriends computer that really confused/upset me. Some background: ~We met at University and have been dating for 21/2 years now. ~I am his 1st girlfriend although I have had 2 previous bf's. ~I just turned 21 and he just turned 23. ~He is an introvert kind of guy and it took a lot on my part for us to finally start dating. ~When I first met him in our University res I had heard all these rumours that all these girls had crushes on him but he was never interested in dating until I came along. ~I am a pretty conservative girl (i was even more so until I met him). He is more liberal. ~I did a lot of personality changing so that we got along better (most of these changes were for the better ex.more open minded). So...about a week ago we had a small fight, it wasn't anything major but he got angry about something and broke an xbox controller, this made him even more upset b/c it was now broken, the batteries had fallen out and were lost, he asked that I help him look for them I responded by saying "you had a temper tantrum and lost them so find them yourself"(side note: I do most everything in the relationship: cook, clean, laundry, you name it, so it was pretty out of character for me to say this)..after that he went to his study/computer room for the remainder of the night. a few hours later he apologized and we made up and right before bedtime I was trying to print an essay off his laptop, he was in the shower at the moment so I was alone. Out of curiosity I clicked the web browser history. What popped up were google searches that went like this "girlfriend is boring""girlfriend is not intelligent enough""girlfriend is not attractive" I was shocked obviously. I couln't understand why he was with me for all this time if this is what he really thought about me?I didn't say anything right away, we went to bed and I stayed awake all night thinking. I had actually thought that in the morning when I asked him about it that we would break up because how could we stay together when I know what he really thinks?When I asked him the next morning he said that he was just angry at the moment and he didn't mean anything by it. he said that he was searching those things as an outlet to his anger. I cried and didnt believe him but he reassured me. Now that my self esteem is smashed to bits there is even more...After this initial discovery I became suspicious and curious about what other things he had on his computer. I began checking out his computer when he would go to class etc. I found a huge stash of porn. (now I knew prior to this that he looked at porn, we had talked about it and he said that he looked at it sometime when he was bored). But there 40+ videos, 100's of pics, plus edits of pics (these edits are of girls that previously had crushes on him before we started dating, so what he did was take a pic off facebook and photoshop some sexual acts like one girl with cum on her face and another with a penis photoshopped into her mouth) Also, in the search history there was a search that said "there is this girl from my class that i like should I add her on facebook?"Right after this he added her to facebook. I have asked him before if he would cheat on me and he said he had too much self respect to cheat. So after writing this novel it is pretty clear to me that the "better" thing is to leave him but I love him so much, Any advice?
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crush, facebook, porn, self esteem, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Regndroppe  +, writes (23 October 2011):
Oh, honey, leave him. That's the beginning of the end, get out of there and fast!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): Dump him.
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A
male
reader, jayokayo  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 take a step back and look and read wot you have written.this guy is not going to make you happy and from your letter he really isnt making you happy. you say you love him, ask yourself what is it about him that causes you to love him.he is looking at porn, he is googling articles that indicate that he is thinking you are stupid, unatractive and boring. My personal advice is get away from him before you really regret it, I mean do you want to have kids wiv a guy who thinks low of you and has a problem with porn.
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