A
female
age
36-40,
*lnazelnaz
writes:my boyfriend of 7 yrs has a long sexual history including gangbangs,orgys, etc with 50+ girls. he done drugs. he neve r lied n we go to church and we are very in love. i trust he doesnt hide anything and loves me. we started off as f.buddya and he always said pasts are the reflection of future and he would never marry a slu,t. he asked me about my past 7 yrs ago, i said i had sex with 3 men before him. last year he asked again if there is anytging else he should know so i told him in totatl i had sex with 6 guys, which was the truth. we decided to move in together. few days ago out of nowhere i wondered if i should have also told him about the guys i fooled around with when i was in my 15-17s and a virgin.only 2 of em saw me naked.so last night i told him i had also kissed and fooled around with like 5 ther guys when i were a virgin.he flipped that i had lied to him and said wtf is fooled around? did they stick it in ur butt? he said we are not moving in together anymore and left and said no wonder why all ur friends r who,res.i sent him 2 emails and havent heard anything back. i feel gross,bad, ashamed, im a good girl that made bad choices as a teen. dont wanna lose him please advise? i had no intercourse with those guys i was always scared of his reaction so kept quiet but i wanted him to know if he cares that much! i offered in my email to tell details if he wants knowing he can get pretty pissed and keep thinking about it.just to give u an idea of wwhati did. i made out and stuff with three but naver took our clothes off. pretty much touching from over clothes and one of them dry humped me while kissing and it was only once.it was 2-3 times with one of them. and these were all at different times.another guy i just kissed.another guy went down on me and didnt even finish and it grossed me out and i broke up with him right after.another one we actually did take out clothes off but we were virgins and pretended to have sex. no oral sex or anything didnt happen.i feel nasty and event hough i offered him to tell the details practiced in my head over and over, its still not easy im terrified he will judge me forever and im just too shy to talk about these details with my man:( please help me out here.
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broke up, drugs, kissing, oral sex, sexual past, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (14 February 2015):
What a despicable man, to judge you for your mild sexual history while his is pretty extreme even to the most open minded people. It's not just that he's a hypocrite. He clearly does not view you as an equal; he doesn't respect you at all. He just showed you this will never change. This is a HUGE red flag.
Listen, you are NOT nasty. Nothing you did was wrong and there's nothing to be ashamed of. HE should be ashamed for making you feel this way. But he's doing it deliberately so you feel like you have to make something up to him, and this means he will have more control over you.
I know it's been 7 years, but I think it would be better to walk away from him. You deserve someone who doesn't judge you, who doesn't have double standards and who doesn't make you feel bad. Do not ask for his forgiveness; you don't need it. He should be asking for yours.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): Leave him !!! he's a man slut who would never marry a slut ! that's double standards, it also means he would lie and cheat but other people can't do what he can...
Also he's right "pasts are the reflection of future" which means he's a slut and he will always be one.
There's nothing wrong with your past, but if you stay with him there will be lots of wrong things in your future.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (13 February 2015):
 Do NOT get back with him, do NOT chase him.
This is a horrible act of emotional manipulation.
Stop justifying yourself to him, that is part of the repeating behavior pattern he is trying to install.
Walk away from him now.
You are dodging a bullet right now.
Do not involve yourself with this man.
You did NOTHING wrong, but are being made to feel bad about yourself. This is a BIG RED FLAG.
Stay away from this abuser.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, elnazelnaz +, writes (12 February 2015):
elnazelnaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all.well i told him in my email what led me to have this past. and i told him how its so sad that just cuz hes a dude he can easily talk about his past but just cuz im a girl i get shy n scared of losing him. i told him how he asked god at the church to forgive his sins and get a secind chance, and that now im asking him to forgive me.cuz he cant expect to be forgiven when he cant forgive me for hiding things outa love and fear. im so happy i found this website with many mature and helpful people ready to provide me with detailed answers. he called me today and we talked about random stuff for a few min. i guess ill see him soon. i will be honest but smart about my answers with no shame.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): Please don't feel ashamed about your past. Everything you describe seems like normal, teenage exploration to me. None of it bad or even uncommon.
I don't know why your boyfriend hates "sluts" so much when sounds like he IS ONE!
I think you are too good for this guy if he gets this upset about your teenage past that is over 10 years old! I know it hurts right now, and you have spent 7 years on this one, but I hope you will move on and find a different man. There are plenty who will treat you much better and not be offended at your past sexual (and non-sexual) history.
You have spent enough of your time with this guy. Go and have more experiences while you are young, and see for yourself that this sort of behavior is not the norm.
hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): He'll be back. For the simple fact that no girl, besides you, is going to put up with him.
He wants to make you feel like crap and make you feel hopeless so he can better control you. It's his way of flexing his muscles, to show you who's boss. That way you will become this scared, subservient woman at his beck and call.
This guy is a hot mess. While I know that he will be back, I do wish you could break away from him and move on. He doesn't deserve anybody.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 February 2015):
 If this guy who IS a slut says he wouldn't marry a slut, yet he started as "F*** buddies" with you instead of immediately cultivate a relationship reflective of his intentions??
This guy is a piece of work, and you shouldn't give him any more details of any kind. He's really nasty and is disqualified from calling anyone else names, since with his gangbangs and orgies, he's had more exposure to disease than the CDC.
Get rid of him!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): Ok,I agree with all the others-the guy is a hypocritical a-hole!He's in no position to judge you!BUT, I somehow don't think this is about the number of partners you've had or what you've done with them.Look at it this way:1st time answer: 3 guys2nd time answer: 6 guys3rd time answer: Oh,actually wait, a couple of more guys,so don't really know how manyNot that it matters how many you've been with (at all!),but don't you think is the way the number keeps increasing every time he asks? (as opposed to what you've actually done with them-which btw, I wouldn't recommend going into any DETAILED answer with any of your current beaus. Men are a bit territorial sometimes)I think he is questioning your honesty, rather than your past.But yeah, he is no position to judge your sexuality+your past.You live in the present after all,not in the past.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (11 February 2015):
 Hello elnazelnaz,Did you read your post carefully??? Did you realize you should be happy things are the way they are? Let me explain..."my boyfriend of 7 yrs has a long sexual history including gangbangs,orgys, etc with 50+ girls. he done drugs."Then you said "he would never marry a slu,t." So he does not want to marry anyone who has been a slut like himself. Nice double standard there. The man goes out and sex as much as he wants, but you have mild sexual experience, and oh my goodness!!...interesting.So along came the forgiving woman. Looked at his past and said "Past is the past...I love you." You obviously don't go to a good church because if you did, your boyfriend would have learnt this little fact about GOD... “Do not judge others, so that God will not judge you, for God will judge you in the same way you judge others, and he will apply to you the same rules you apply to others."As for what you did as a teen...please. I don't even want to remember the things I did as teen. Point is, I moved on to a better life, as did you.Your boyfriend is a hypocrite. He is in no position to judge anyone based on their sexual experiences.I feel sad for you, because you feel someone like this is the best you can do. Besides, if you are truly into church...there is only one man you should want to die for.You have no reason to be ashamed. He should be ashamed of how he treated you. If he doesn't want you back...GOOD. Find someone better. You were just being honest...no wrong in that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): I must admit as a bloke I would not want a girl who has had a lot of partners in her past and the more she has had would put me off , also if they had 3 somes and what ever else . But with that said I have not had loads of sexual partners so I would want someone similar .
With your partner though , he has got a lot of History and gang bangs etc ... So how can he expect to find some girl that has not got history ?
exactly , just leave him in then he can try to find some virgin girl who will have approval of his history then
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): Your BF is an hypocritical asshole who gives other guys suffering from retroactive jealousy a bad name. All that sexual past of his, and he craps on YOU for half a dozen guys and some teenage fooling around? That's not even close to reasonable. I suggest you tell him to get his head out of his ass and grow up a little. That is not saying he should not feel any RJ, it means he needs to handle it like an adult.If you want to work this out then you need to realize the dishonesty part is HUGE. Guys need to feel like they can trust their girl's word on sexual things with other men, past or present. We don't always like hearing "I don't want to go into my past" but we would rather you refuse to talk about it than tell us lies. Don't say things like "the guys I slept with meant nothing to me!" This does not help, it hurts worse. Don't go into too much detail about the specifics of what happened even if your BF keeps asking. Its a common reaction for guys to want to know every inch of what their GF did. But it will not help like they think it will, it only gives them more detailed images to torment their minds. Your BF may want to understand why you did it or your state of mind. But it will not help anything for him to hear about the size of some other guy's dick or how many times you sucked him, etc.
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