A
female
age
36-40,
*ruthplease
writes:I had been talking to this guy on tinder for a week and we got along really well and were exchanging messages night and day. He recently moved here from out of the country for a job so he did not have a car yet and was living at his sisters place. I was starting to wonder when he would ask to see me then last night he messaged me saying 'so when are you going to invite me over for tea?' (we had discussed tea and how we both love it) I fell asleep last night after I saw his message then this morning I looked at it and was about to respond (I had to think what yo say bc I was not trying to invite him to my house for the first time) and I was running late for work so I just came to check now that I got off work and saw he deleted me from his tinder. After we had been chatting for a week constantly! I mean good riddance because if he gets that offended to delete me that I waited 12 hours to respond without even asking me why then that's a red flag. But why is it so difficult to talk to someone decent I literally feel like I wasted a week talking to this guy and he just vanished into thin air after asking me out! Does online dating get any easier? Any tinder red flags you guys could tell advise so I don't waste more time like this? Thank you! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015): Oh. I want to add one more thing. When you are single and dating, you've got to think like a man. Like this creep from Tinder you spent the last week talking to. I guarantee you in addition to the wonderful chemistry he shared with you for that week, he also shared the same thing with at least ten other girls, simultaneously. Guaranteed. And I bet you, on the other hand, only focused on him during that week and completely forgot that other guys exist.
You cannot do that. You've got to think like a man. When you meet a single guy, even if you guys hit it off and you seem to think there were lots of sparks, you can be absolutely certain that there are at least two or three other women that he talks to. At least. That is why you can't be too nice. And the only thing that would change that is if he falls in love. And that does not happen overnight. And that is why when you meet a guy, you've got to keep your options open. He sure does.
And make him work to win your affection. Not just place so much importance, if any, on what he says to you over a week long period on Tinder. Cause the reality is that everytime he sends you a message, right after, he immediately opens up another profile to reply to the next girl. And then the next girl. Full circle till it is time to reply to you again. That's what guys do.
That is why guys like women who are tough and don't take their crap. Cause deep down they know they are jerks. And the women who can see past it and therefore are aloof to their pick up lines are the ones they know are not stupid. They can't take advantage of. And that presents a challenge. And then he becomes curious and drops his guard. Cause he knows you are not an idiot so he is going to have to show you another side of him in order to win your affection. He is going to have to drop his own guard and perhaps show you the real him, instead of his stupid Don Juan altar ego that he uses on every woman just to get laid.
So, never be afraid to "offend" a guy. Be yourself and say what's on your mind. Don't be afraid to speak up or defend yourself. Or call him out. That's not going to make you lose his affection, which is fleeting anyway, and he pretty much shares with any woman who winks at him. That's going to make him gain respect for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015): Oh well. His loss. Next.
Just learn how to play the game. Sometimes in the single's scene you've got to be a bitch. And be more skeptical. And don't walk on eggshells for these creeps. Cause that is what a lot of them are. Tell it like it is. Like for instance, he asked to come over to your house for tea. Had you responded and had he not deleted you, there you were sitting around thinking how to politely break it to him that you'd prefer to meet in a public place. Please! Stop being so polite and learn to be more blunt. He sure was! That was pretty ballsy of him to invite himself over. Take the same attitude. e.g. "haha! Come over? I don't even know you! What are you smoking?" Don't be afraid to call a guy out.
Guys love girls who stand up to their crap and are not afraid to speak their mind. It shows you have character and you are not going to be a doormat. And it shows you are not desperate which is the number one reason guys bail. Major turn off.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 February 2015):
 I agree with Honeypie - this guy is a skirt chaser AND high maintenance. It is best he pulled this early. It's interesting particularly in his wording that he wanted YOU to invite HIM for tea. Something wrong with his extending the invite to you??
He is self-absorbed, and I'd suggest that if you're looking for more than just people like this, you might want to try different sites designed for better character screening than tinder.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2015):
 It really IS good riddance to him. 12 hours with not a reply and he gets so butt-hurt he deletes you... yea, not a keeper - after all you have to sleep, and HAVE a life, not sit around with bated breath for his messages.
Don't take it as you "wasted" time talking to him for a week. You talked and he pulled a "turtle" which if ANYTHING was good for you. I mean, can you imagine having met, gotten to know him and THEN he pulled a stunt like that? I think he was looking for sex, not a date/relationship. And you not replying with a "come hither " and have "tea" at my house - made him realize that you weren't as easy as he had hoped.
From the little I know Tinder is a hook up app, not REALLY a dating app. So If you are looking for an actual relationship, maybe find a dating website that have guys looking for the same.
I think it was smart that you DIDN'T want to invite him to your place for the "first" date. THAT is not a date. That is a guy on a fishing for sex.
How can you tell? Well, I'd say if you live close enough to each other and he doesn't ask you out by 2nd week, he might not be serious.
Be careful HOW much personal information you give out. met up in a public place, inform someone (like good friend or family) that you are going on that date - give them time & place) and then have a check in time where you call or send a text, and then another when you go home. First dates can be short, like over coffee (tea) just to see if there is any kind of chemistry. IF a guy keep suggesting he come home with you or see your place... he is basically saying he is looking to hook up. DO NOT equal "chatting" over text/IM/APP is the same as really getting to know a person. TALKING to a person IN person will tell you more then just the words. Humor for instance can be hard to convey in writing, and things can EASIER be misunderstood in writing then spoken words.
This guy was a toad, toss him back in the pond and move on.
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