A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I will be 40 in 3 weeks. I dont have kids, This is my firs marriage x 3 yrs (this year ). I used to want to make it work. I used to beg God,....To let my marriage work. I stayed, hes mentaly abusive. I am told Im in a good position, I have a college education, he has an 8th grade education. Im told I have my looks, im skinny, and no kids... Justt Move On!! But... My minds so confused, how does he do it?? He always makes me feel like im being abanded, and He Doesnt Even Care!! He leaves all the time, and stupid me I just always go back to him. Hes so mean to me!! Iv seperated from any friend I used to have. Everyone told me not to marry him. What can I say?? I started to think, I"ll never get asked, so I took the first thing that came along. Oh, Iv actually left hime befor. But I dont do drugs and I dont party, I never got asked out on a date when we were split up. I cant stand being alone. No kids, isnt always better. The house is dead silent, when hes gone.. and then he can be so nice to me, so kind,, like he used to, like the person I married. I know I have to get out. I just feel so alone. I pray, Please pray for me I need strenght to move on. I dont mean to be unappreciative towards God. I am told im a beautiful women, I have so much going for me.......Why dont I get it?????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): It took me a long time to realise it but I used to gravitate toward abusive relationships because I was abused at home. My mother (who I don't speak to anymore) is a narcissist. An incredibly destructive person. She did so much damage to me growing up, it is very insidious. They are good at hiding their harm from others. They are good manipulators. She basically humiliated me, treated me horridly, made my life a living hell and made me and others around us think that I was the one who was crazy...an absolute nightmare growing up.
Maybe you should look into why you are gravitating toward this man. There has got to be a reason. How were you treated growing up? What revelations about your childhood would it benefit you to recount and resolve. If you don't know the route of the problem, you may fall back into the same pattern in the future.
Right now like the below post said, you need to summon the help of people, friends, family, a pastor, a support group. You need to get their help in order to get out of this. They will help you.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Maybe you should start reconnecting with your old friends/family, if they're loyal they'll want to see you through this difficult time despite their original warnings. if they choose not to support you, I would start going to a support group for emotionally abused women, maybe find a pastor or someone to talk to through the church that can also offer resources. The way to feel un-trapped I would think, would be to create outlets for yourself where you can re-connect with others, find good people, and find good in yourself and begin to love and trust yourself to be independent and self-sufficient without him.
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