A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and I've always been a girl who's parents were always so proud.. I'm a pretty good kid.I dont drink... smoke... cuss... I'm a virgin... I'm christian and have an amazing relationship with God.But recently I struck up a friendship with a man and he became like my best friend. We talk about everything together and after almost 2 years we ended up kissing and I REALLY like him and it turns out he really likes me.Well my mom found out that we kissed and flipped, she compared him to a child molester and rapist and he isn't like that at all.He even agrees he doesn't want to have sex before marriage. We share the same beliefs and views and everything feels right with him.But my mom made it to where I can't have any contact with him or else.He said he would wait for me till I'm 18 and I really want to.I like him SOOOOO much and I thnk I found somthing I don't want to lose it. My mom calls him horrible things and tells me how sick it is and how she can't believe how stupid I've become but I can't help it and it's tearing me upHer problem... he is 38 and I'm only going to be 18.... thats a 20 year difference... But where I might have judged it before, once the feelings developed, it doesn't even matter to me.Is it wrong to feel this way and want to be with someone 20 years older?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright here is the thing. My parents met him...and they LOVED him before they knew we kissed...
We met doing a salsa class together and he was teaching me alot more and we would go to church together and text...and just everything.
My relationship with him isnt even physical, we hold hands and stuff...we have kissed...but we both alread agreed on nothing past that...he knows my views and shares them with me.
He is an amazing guy.. and VERY respectfull. He told me that he would wait for me till i turn 18 if thats what i want...he said he wants that but he wants me to be happy and that above everything else i need to repsect my mom.
As far as other girls he has dated...he has never dated a girl more than 3 years off his age. And neither had i...the whole relatiionship between us was completly different than either of us are use to....but it happend..and the feelings are there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): No it'snot wrong..provided you are both legal adults. And you aren't...plain and simple. Sweety, listen to your Mom. It really is not unusual for young adolescent teenagers to try to utilize the leap into adulthood through the awe and false illusion of dating an older guy like this. Your Mother wants you date males within your age range, whom have a lot in common with you. I agree with her.
Girls your age date older guys because they are afraid of life. They see an older man who provides them with a sense of false security much like when they were taken care of in the home by their fathers. I think you fear, going it on your own. You are on the cusp of adulthood. You have energy, vitality...you have a life ahead of you.Career goals,travel, education, living on your own, renting your own apt, going to clubs...getting a taste of life without any constraints of someone telling you what to do.
This older guy represents something you want...a life. And that is so sad. You need to get there, on your own. In the mind of a adolescent, an older guy embodies masculinity..he's the guy in charge. Just make sure he isn't too much in charge. A lot of older men are set in their ways..some are even very, very controlling. He looks to you because you embody youthfulness and energy and maybe...just maybe...he see your innocence? Your gullibility? Don't you wonder 'why' he doesn't date woman within his own age range. Why a teen girl, who is at a totally different life stage as he is? He'smissing a beat here, hun...something is up. If I were you, I would be seriously questioning 'what goes on in the mind of 38 year old man who wants to date teen girls'?
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A
female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (21 November 2007):
 look you seem to be mature for your age, and having good Christian morals and values has helped you to really assess the situation rather than simply jump into it and do something foolish...
how did you two meet?
what types of things did you do before you kissed and started having feelings for eachother?
in my opinion he seems to respect you as a person and he obviously respects and abides by your morals and religious beliefs, which is often hard to find in younger men. i have never dated men the same age as me, and i know at first my parents were hesitant because from a parental perspective they often times see it as 'well what would this older man want from my daughter other than sex'. Have your parents met this man? have you really sat down and calmly talked with your mom about what he is like? Reinforce the fact that your Christian values come first-make sure your mom knows that. As long as you and him both want the same things from this relationship it could work. It is not wrong to have feelings for this man, and you shouldn't bring yourself down because of it. just be smart about it and keep your parents involved in your life.
message me if you'd like
best wishes
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): It's not necessarily wrong for you to have a crush on him, but your mom is right, it is definately wrong for him to be pursuing you-it is illegal! And, who cares if you are going to be 18 soon, what could you really have in common with him, and how immature and pathetic could he really be?! He definately sounds like a pedophile to me-stay clear! Believe me, I'm 24 and just broke up with my fiance who is 34 for many reasons, and one was that he had these "friendships" with girls that were 13 and 16 years old-sicko!! Run for your life! That is not normal behavior, and I think deep down you know it. Go talk to a counselor and get help on finding guys your own age. He is sick in the head, believe me, I've been there, seen that.
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