A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i feel super guilty about breaking up with my bf of a year and a half. the last 2 months we were fighting constantly, and even though we both loved each other, we weren't happy. i felt he only had time when it was convenient for him, and when i was upset, all he'd say is that all we need is love to make it work. i realy don't believe that. relationships take more than just love. anyway. i dumped him and i don't feel like he thought i meant it, because i had been referencing ending it for a while. a few minutes after i dumped him he texted calling me 'babe' and sayin he was sorry. like we were still together!!! it took me changin my status on facebook and stuff for him to realize just how serious i was! only then did he take the status of us being in a relationship down. anyway. i feel super guilty about how things turned out. like i know we had to break up, b/c we weren't happy. but i hate how it ended. in a fight and with him not realizing it was really the end. please help with this guilt. and the worst part is, we still loved each other, but the fights and convenience were terrible.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 April 2010):
 I'd say, the breakup was the right thing to do. What I don't see as being okay is spending 1 1/2 years being ignored and treated with such little respect for that period of time. Relationships are a wanting and a desire to be with that person. That desire doesn't keep a schedule. Sure you have things to do during the say, but can't wait to get them done in order to be with who you desire. Possibly some day, he might learn that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for continuing to respond.
we were fighting cuz he kept pushing me away. he got mad when i'd call. and then he'd tell me to call back later, and then when i did, he said it was too late. we saw eachother 2 days a week, and he'd cancel one of them for somethin else that was 'important'. our life together was based on his schedule and i had to be the flexible one to accommodate him.
i told him many times that i was havin issues with this, for the last few months even...and he said he'd try to make time but he never did. and then when i confronted him for the last time, he said i waz tryin to 'change' who he was. but i wasnt. i loved him for who he waz. i just wanted the relationshp to be two sided instead of one.
we only had a good time when it was convenient for him. when he wanted to have a good time. hed tell me he loved me and wanted to move in together, and then the next day he wouldnt even have the time to talk to me. i waz just tired of sayin how i felt and getting no response. :(
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 April 2010):
Then the question is: Why were you fighting? What changed around that time. You lasted so long without fighting all the time, so what happened? Looking at the issues, addressing the issues, and solving the issues is much better than having a relationship take a negative turn, and then it's ended without addressing the issues in the first place. Learning how to communicate is vital for any relationship to be sustainable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice.
and sorry if i didnt make it clear. i broke up with him in person first, and he didn't really take it seriously i think. i think he thought i was just really upset. it was only after he saw the facebook thing did he actually take it seriously.
i don't think anyoen can be happy fighting all the time. and thats what we were doing. idk i still feel bad though.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Break up with people in person so all the emotions, expressions, vocal tones, etc are demonstrated to make the emotionless words of a text or facebook communication clear. Besides, it is just courtesy to dump someone to their face rather than by electronic means. Do this, and I doubt you will ever have issues with partners thinking you might not really mena it.
Don't feel guilty for deciding he was not right for you, ... just do it in a more respectful manner next time (in person) that leaves no doubt about where you are at.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 April 2010):
Why feel guilty? Did you make the right choice for you? (don't say "us" because this seems the decision is not mutual) There is no such thing as had to break up, where it is your choice to do so. (had is a term of single direction without allowing other choices) and you use "we" as in describing your lack of happiness. Did he say that he was not happy? He is right that "love" is the answer. This is because, through love problems can be worked out.
Unless he was part of the decision making to end it, you can't hold him as a "we" in you reasoning. People have issues, people fight, but people also forgive, and work on changing within a relationship to create it better for both partners. Now, you are in charge of your life, and you have the right, where you're not happy, to end the relationship. You shouldn't feel guilty for doing so. You simply decided he's not for you, and are moving on. If you need to, in order to let go of the grief, set a coffee date to talk about why you ended it with him. He may agree it's best, therefore changing it from "you" to "we".
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