A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help, I hope you have time it's a long story. I just turned 28 I have been with a man for 12 years, he was my first everything and we have 5 kids together. Here is the problem, he drinks ALOT. At first it wasn't so bad but know it if terrible. To top that off, he is very insecure, not that I ever cheated on him, but I have talked on the phone with a few guys even hung out with one, I was a sucker for attention and at my worst points when a guy would tell me I was beautiful or seem interested I would take thier number and sometimes call, when me and my boyfriend were arguing. Now I am innocent 100%! I take care of the kids, I go to work, I clean house, and do the same thing the next day. My boyfriend has been abusive numerous times, and I already know, I am stupid for staying, but for some reason, I think if I will leave I may miss the man that I fell in love with. Further more I need him finacialy, I work part time so I know that I can't do it on my own. (I have been looking for another job). I don't know what else to do cause it is out of control, the physical and mental abuse the snooping, he checks to see who calls me, who I call, and to make it even worse he works third shift. He has even left work early got drunk, come home and peek through windows, although he finds me doing nothing he still wants to push and pull me around. I know that he is not cheating, I know that for a fact, his problem is alcohol and he would rather sit with a bottle of vodka, he doesn't go to bars, he just goes to his moms house, and I know cause she lives around the corner from us, so I ride past all the time. He won't get professional help. O I forgot to say that he is such a great person and father when he is sober, although he still is insecure. Does anyone have any advice for me, any would be appreciated. Thanks
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female
reader, bfly36 +, writes (28 September 2008):
 As a child of an alcoholic family, i really feel for what you are going thru. I also understand how hard it may be for you to leave this relationship. There are several things you need to know. Alcoholism is a disease and there is nothing you can do to stop him. He has to decide he needs help. Therefore you telling yourself if u do this or do that different he will change is worthless. Next, there are groups like al-anon that meet, they are for people who live with alcoholics. Next, you can make a plan if you want to leave this man. Go to a counselor, church minister or a good freind and ask for support. Find out about the services available for women in your area, if u email me i can tryto find out [email address blocked]. This man is abusive to you and it could end up in a tragedy. Our job as parents are to protect our children from trouble and you need to protect yourself first. This may be easy for me to say because im not in your shoes now but you must become strong and decide if this man will not change what your plans are. You are a young woman and have a whole future ahead of you. Only you decide what to do with it and not only for you but for your kids. Good luck!!
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