| A
male
age
36-40,
*aniel1987
writes: Hi everyone,I’m in a real dilemma at the moment, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve posted on here a few times before. I’m a 24-year-old gay guy who has been in a relationship with the same guy for over four years now. We have serious problems with sex. Basically, when we have sex, it’s always one-sided. I always give him pleasure (make him orgasm), but he never does the same for me in return. We’ve tried talking about the problem, and he always says that he will try harder, but he never does. Understandably, this whole situation has left me feeling sexually frustrated. As a result, I engage in risky behaviour (masturbating in public toilets) to vent my sexual tension. Also, I often fantasise about having loving sex with someone who pleasures me in return. The obvious solution to this problem would be to leave the relationship, as there is obviously a serious problem with the sex side of things. However, I feel so attached to this guy that I don’t feel I have the courage to leave. I worry about how I will cope. The situation has come to a head, and my partner has asked me to make a choice about whether to continue our relationship, or go our separate ways. Please advise.Thanks,Dan
View related questions:
orgasm, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jubbajubb  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 The part that struck me about your post most was "The situation has come to a head, and my partner has asked me to make a choice about whether to continue our relationship, or go our separate ways." This seems to speak volumes. If he is not interested in addressing an issue but instead invites you to end the relationship then something has to change.Having said that there are things you can potentially try first. I obviously don't know what activities he and you get up to but try and work it so that you can masturbate while pleasuring him. If he sees you 'get your rocks off' it might excite him more. If you bottom for him, then do it with you on your back so you can masturbate at the same time. Not perfect but maybe good enough as a work around?keep me posted
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (3 May 2011):
 he's selfish and it comes through in the sex.
move on you will be able to cope. the longer you tolerate his selfish behaviour the more it will strip you of self esteem.
if this relationship is not satisfying you currently then how is it helping you cope by being in it? it doesn't make sense to me.
move on and be free for something satisfying
...............................
A
male
reader, aaringurl  +, writes (3 May 2011):
Other people have said most of it so I'll just add a few. If your boyfriend can't pleasure you in sex or do the things you wanted him to, then don't have sex with him at all. It's okay to be selfish sometimes because it still boils down to you. Who gets frustrated? Who gets mentally scarred? Not him, but you. So like love, sex should be a mutual thing between two, satisfied & in-love individuals who's willing to dance the tango together. As far as I know, sex isn't about self pleasure, but pleasuring your partner because you love him/her. If he can't do his part, might as well not do it at all.
My insights though, don't leave him ASAP, talk it through. Maybe he's bothered by something. But if he can't bring himself to become someone of your liking, then tell him you must go. That attachment is normal, you can get over it, IF you're really willing to. Love yourself more, even just from time to time. ^.^
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): I'm neither a guy nor gay, but I will say that I can totally see the frustration if your guy is getting all the pleasure and he is not giving anything in return. Sounds selfish to be honest. First of all, if you are truly unhappy, it is not worth being with him and you DO have the courage in you to leave. But I understand that there is more to a relationship than sex so I won't tell you LEAVE HIM NOW! (because that would be stupid of me). That being said, perhaps just be STRAIGHTFORWARD about it, just sit him down and tell him EXACTLY what you feel, and what you are not getting, and what you want from him. I have to do that with my guy occasionally because sometimes he really just doesn't get it.
While you are having sex, and he is doing or not doing what you want, tell him then and there. He should be very willing to please you. If not, then maybe he is just really selfish and it's best to rethink your time together. I hope this helps. While sex isn't everything, it is an important part of your relationship and you should be getting something out of it too!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): Don't give up on your relationship Dan. Other than the sex you seem to have a good thing going, if you give up and leave him you will only regret it in the furture. Stick with him and just keep trying, eventually he will get it and he will be able to do the same for you.
Just keep talking to him, don't stop talking about it and soon enough he will get it and you will get the pleasure you want from your sex with the man you love. 4 years is a long time to just forget about and move on from, you'll end up in more pain if you leave him.
Good luck with your relationship Dan, I hope he gets it soon for you.
...............................
|
