A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I, who have been together for a year in a long distance relationship, have not had full sex for 3 months. We had full sex for the first time 8 months into the relationship but it was extremely painful for me. I put this down to the fact that my boyfriend is bigger than previous partners and I have been told that I am quite tight down there. We have tried twice since then to have sex but it has ended up with me feeling a failure (although I have not told him this) because each time the pain has been unbearable as he tries to penetrate me and we then have to give up. My boyfriend was very understanding and reassuring at the time and said not to worry as we could have plenty of practice trying which sounded great. However, that has not happened and I wonder if it is because he is worried about hurting me. I love pleasuring him by giving him oral sex and he always tells me it is amazing and I love making him happy, but whilst he will always cuddle me when we are getting intimate he seems unsure what to do next now. I always loved his sexual prowess, but that seems to have gone now. He touches me a little bit down there but not much and he doesn’t finger me like he used to, and he doesn’t touch my breasts at all. He has never performed oral sex on me (to be honest I am abit embarrassed about it being performed on me and would love it if he helped me overcome this but I am not sure he likes performing it and I am not going to force him to do something he doesn’t like). He also used to cuddle me all through the night which I absolutely loved but even that has gone. Couple the sexual difficulties with the fact that my boyfriend has told me that he finds it really difficult to say/talk about intimate things, by that I mean compliments and I love you (because he has never said those things to me before), I am starting to feel quite sexually frustrated and like my partner doesn’t find me attractive anymore. I am sure the second part is rubbish because we start kissing each other passionately the moment we get some time to ourselves.Since my guy finds it difficult expressing himself verbally, can any guys give me some idea as to how my boyfriend may be feeling so that I can understand things more clearly, and also I would appreciate some advice on how we can overcome our sexual problems. We don't have any spare money to afford a sex counsellor.
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breasts, I love you, kissing, long distance, money, oral sex, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nettles +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Another thing is to try and relax, painful experiences can make people tense up without realising...making the pain even worse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): Sex manuals, like for instance Nina Hartley's book "Total Sex", often have discussions on positions and ways to accommodate a larger partner. There are also lots of other great suggestions for improving your sex life. Don't give up yet!
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Normally the vagina will strech enough to accomodate a fairly good size male. After all, what baby do you know that is as small as the largest penis?
That having been said, I tend to think there may be something else going on here.
There is a condition known as vaginismus which could be causing the problem.
In these cases the vaginal muscles contract involuntarily, making penetration extremely painful if not impossible. This may be due to a subconscious response to prior pain, where the body tries to protect itself from pain by “closing off” the vagina, or may be due to psychological pain, in women who have an abuse history or who are fearful of sexual activity.
I have spoken with a number of couples with complaints of your type and have been able to overcome it with additional lubrication which is readily available over the counter. Make sure though that if you try this out you get a water soluable lubricant as the petrolium based lubricants can cause you problems.
If this method does not help then it may be a simple matter of a visit to your gynocologist who will be able to make a definite diagnosis and cure the problem for you once and for all.
From there everything else should fall into place for the both of you.
I have looked up a website which should give you a little more information on the subject.
I wish you much success. Doc
http://home.cfl.rr.com/dahmd/dyspare.htm
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