A
female
age
30-35,
*il-angel182
writes:i've known my new bf for months and we good freinds and have been going out for 2 weeks and i decided to lose my virginity with him am almost 17 and been waitin for right person so i said i was stayin at a mates to my mum well she foned later and knew i was with him and told me to come straight back and then hung up on me.i tried talkin to her and all she said was she was very dissapointed in me and that ive broken her trust and that she thinks am to young still and that it happened to fast and that am grounded until she says so and that she doesnt know whether to let me see him again or not. I explained to her that i wanted my first time to be special and mean something and that he the only one i've consdiered doing it with but she wont listen and wont even look at me anymore what am i supposed to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kpercival1000 +, writes (18 June 2008):
i understand how you feel, you thought it was the rigt thing to do, and he may have even talked you around to the idea.However, i was in a relationship with a guy, we lasted 7 months, i lost my verginity to him after i had only been with him for 2 weeks, and he was 2 years older than me. at the time i felt it was the right thing to do, and i knew he wanted it and i wanted to please him... but i dod it for all the wrong resons. this was only a yera ago, and now i am with the most amazing guy ever, and he never pushed me into having sex or even mentioned it, we just did it when it felt right. looking back i so wish i had waited to meet the guy i am with now because it felt so different,a nd so right. i am only 18 myself, and so i can see where you are coming from... and aslong as you did use protection i cant see that you are doing anything wrong, you are trying to be an adult and making your own decisions, at the end of the day it is your body.however i can also see where your mum is coming from, you did lie to her and she isnt going to be able to trust you from now on, you say you are going somone and now she is always going to wonder where you realy are. she is just trying to protect you and doesnt want you to get hurt, i think you both need to sit down and have a grown up chat, dont get mad and angry and start shouting... try to see things from her point of view, she will apreciate that too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): You felt ready and right and have no regrets. Your overage, then you've done nothing wrong and have done the right thing. Me and your mum come from a different age, and we just don't understand. Keep your business to yourself from now on cause your mum will never agree with your view of the world. But if it feels good, then stuff it, protect your body and emotions and grab the things in life that make you smile and feel good.
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A
female
reader, lil-angel182 +, writes (17 June 2008):
lil-angel182 is verified as being by the original poster of the question but i just dont believe virginity is such a big thing now adays it now like most young people i know now a days that i lost while drunk and underage. I would rather have lost it with him that some of the guys i've been in long term relationships with and they ended cause i didnt do it and hardly anyone wantin that commitment a was lookin for and they didnt last at all that i felt ready and it felt right and am glad i did it with him he is my best friend and my lover and my soulmate and a dont regret it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): I don't blame your mum for being angry. Ok you waited untill your 17, and legal in Britian, but now you go and throw away all that good work by jumping into bed with some guy that you've only dated for 2 weeks. That's not romantic, that's not special, you don't know this guy yet, (a friend is different to a boyfriend) certainly not enough to loose your virginity to him. Of course your mum is angry, she expected more from you than trying to jump into bed with a guy you've only dated for two weeks. Where's the romance in that, what's your hurry, you missed out all the flirting and foreplay and the good stuff in your relationship. Go and talk to her and appologise, tell her how you feel and promise that you'll slow down until your sure that this relationship is gonna last the distance. Of course it's your life, but your mum has the right to be concerned and disappointed with your current lack of judgement.
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A
female
reader, lil-angel182 +, writes (17 June 2008):
lil-angel182 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell we talked and it not so much the fact that a did it but the fact that i lied to her and she thinks she brought me up with better morals that a should have waited till long term relationship but i said a dont regret it and that a still stand behind my decision and that a just dont believe in that view so we are talkin to each other so hopefully i will see him soon
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): girl,, the whole idea must be really exciting for you but my take is that you wait a while longer. your mum is 100% right and you will understand much later in life but now if u r still a virgin,, its so worth keeping. this bloke is not likely to be THE ONE. so dont give in. good luck
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A
female
reader, lil-angel182 +, writes (16 June 2008):
lil-angel182 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni didnt say to her but she found out somehow and foned accusin me of it and already knew so i couldnt lie to her about it i was going to keep it quiet but i cant now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): Why did you tell her? I mean, you shouldn't even be talking to your mum about those sort of things till your 18 at least so she can't throw the, your too young card at you. Next time keep your mouth shut, your feel the same way as her when your older and if you have a daughter
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A
female
reader, lil-angel182 +, writes (16 June 2008):
lil-angel182 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think that it prob the best to let her calm down first and take it from there but a just see it as childish to still be groundin me a would prefer we could talk like adults and come to a solution cause all groundin does is cause depression and worry and causes an even bigger rift between us.
I know many people probably see it as rushing but we have a very close relationship to start off with so we know each other really well and that was the only reason i done it cause i was comfortable with him and care about him, he the only bf i've seriously considered sleepin with and i felt that i have done the right thing by waitin on the right person and a dont regret what i've done and a understand she probably shocked and upset but a cant go pleasin her and myself i just want to be able to sit and talk to her and get her to realise i am old enough to make these decisions and that am sensible and mature enough to handle this.
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A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (15 June 2008):
 Wow.
Well when I first saw this, I thought your mother actually WALKED IN ON YOU. Now, that would've been bad..
I think right now, you need to give your mother some space and then talk to her when she's a little less... angry? Think of it from her point of view, you're her baby girl, she probably sees you having sex and then winding up pregnant or with an STD.
Talk to her and listen to her point of view.
Also, I think you should talk to your bf as well. I mean, you may have known each other for months but you've only been together for 2 weeks. Slow things down a bit, so you know that you really DO want to have sex with him and aren't letting the excitement of a new relationship blind you.
If you do end up having sex with him, just make sure you're protected.
Keep me posted.
xo
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