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age
41-50,
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writes: Please help me before I go mad. I’ve been involved in a text relationship with a man for almost 3 months. This man happens to be my driving instructor. I am in my early thirties and he is 52. I know cliché! Anyway the story is this........ we have been texting one another way too much to the point where the messages are becoming explicit beyond suggestive. He has continually told me that he is tempted, close to crossing the line, he could, he can’t resist. He also once said ‘I’m not the type to look at the Ferrari..... I need to drive it....... and I can’t Anyway the other night he sent me a message saying ‘Do you want me to change my mind?’ So i stupidly said ‘yes. He then said this is killing me!.We’ve talked about the texts, we’ve admitted we find one another attractive and that flirting but still I feel no further forward. He is separated from his wife ( for a few years) but has a partner but they don’t live together. I’m married (very unhappily). We spoke about all of the above after my lessons yesterday. My initial reaction was – I don’t want to talk about his. He said if we do talk we’ll feel better. I was really annoyed by a text he had sent me the one about him asking if I wanted him to change his mind and basically start something with him. He said oh yes that text – what was your answer !Whilst talking he explained to me that he CAN’T ‘cross the line’ as he has too much to lose and pointed out that I would too. He said if things were different then yes, maybe, yes. . So as I got out the car I banged my head off the door – (felt so stupid). He then said he sit down and started rubbing my head asking if I was ok. It all felt tense to me and I think that him touching my hair and rubbing my head is NOT something that you wouldn’t normally do unless you felt close to someone. I text him last night to say look just for the record I wasn’t asking you to cross the line. He text back saying ‘ Do you expect to believe that.....I’m sure you did... it’s cool. Then i get another text from him saying. So if I had said yes. What then? I replied – Well.... you said no. So what Then? I’m going insane. I don’t know if he is playing mind games or if is hoping that its me how makes the move or in his words ‘crosses the line’. I don’t think he is being honest with me. Please advise me what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Hi, I was on the receiving end. My hubby, 56, was texting a colleague, 36, with flirty texts. He overlooked to delete one lot saying things like 'Love you, miss you, can't stop thinking about you' from both parties. When I discovered them I was devastated as we've been happily married for 31 years but I have been horrible for the last two (due I think to the menopause). He said it was to fill the emptiness with me and I took this as reasonable. I assumed they had stopped as we were then madly back in love making up for lost time as I realised what I had nearly lost, but 2 months later I found another batch he hadn't deleted saying he felt randy at the thought of her in lacey undies and she text she hadn't meant to fall for him the way she had and felt guilty at leading him on as they had done nothing YET (thank god she put that or I'd never have believed him). He assures me it would never have come to anything and they both knew it was a game. He says he was trying to phase it out gently so as not to hurt her and was going to use our holiday to stop all texts although why was he telling her about feeling randy if he was trying to phase out??????????? I think it boosted his ego plus he says he was very wary of my sudden personality change which he thought was just to keep him as we have a brilliant lifestyle due to his job and social circle and he was partly right but I do now really realise what I nearly lost. We are more in love than ever and he shows me all his mobile bills to show contact has ceased. He does still have to email her due to work (they work at seperate premises) and he doesn't know I can access his emails but they are all innocent. I would like to ask you, is it possible to text flirt with no intention of it getting physical or is it a foregone conclusion that it will eventually happen (although in this case that doesn't sound to have happened thank god and I will go mad if I don't believe that)? You are the same age gap as my hubby and this girl and she is also happily married to her childhood sweetheart so my hubby says. I am tormented by the intimacy they had although he says I've blown it out of all proportion and it meant nothing just a bit of fun to break the boredom. From your point of view does this sound feasible? Thanks for your time, a very hurt wife.
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