A
female
age
41-50,
*lassispice
writes:We were together since i was 14. I lost my virginity to him at 25 (he is the only guy i've ever slept with), only because he pledged to my mum that we were going to be married. I'm 33 this year, we're still not married. He never has conversations with me (of any kind), never wants to talk about our "relationship", never takes me out, hasn't even kissed me in the past 6 years. He is boarding at my family home for the past 2 yrs as he has no home after his parents died 3yrs ago. Last nite i asked him to leave..deleted all my contact details from his phone and told him that i will not speak or see him hereafter..... all he said was i'll leave this saturday. I am so hurt that he can away and move on no strings attached. Through all that he put me through, I've only ever been faithful, accomodating, and an uplifing in his life. How can anyone be so cruel.
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female
reader, classispice +, writes (11 March 2009):
classispice is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear 'kissxmexagain'Thanks for your response. I am so happy that you are moving out and moving on. I wish upon you, your kids and your family God's embrace to be protected from pain, and be given strength to carry on.My situation is unfortunately still the same - he has not moved out, now has no job and therefore no money. His attitude towards me has now obviously become loving and caring. I'm speaking to him but not really - coz naturally I want to believe it is all genuine coz he is sooooo convincing and although I know him well enough to know when he is pretending, I can feel a sense of trying from his side. Even still, I feel trapped between wanting to give him a chance and knowing that he is not the man I want to be a role model to my children, or the man to be the kind of husband I deserve.So even though I've still not moved up, I am so proud of you for taking the step you have. You go girl!!!!Love,ClassiSpice
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Hi, Sorry I was so long in getting back to you, but much has happened. As predicted, my husband did return to the house, but still expecting some sort of apology from me. When he did not get it he said that he did not want no
f-ing help and he did not want this f-nig marriage. He said that since we have 4 months left on our lease that we are going to be roommates and there is nothing I can do about it. He was very wrong. I got my income tax, quit my job, put my children on a plane to my mother and now I am packing and will be leaving next week. I was finally able to see things for exactly what they are. He thought that he would spend the next four months living with me and punishing me for "kicking him out on the streets" by running around and doing whatever he wants right in front of my face while I pleaded and begged him to forgive me and in the end agreed to accept his terms if he is "kind enough" to take me back. I refuse to give him what he wants, I did nothing wrong. I now realize that I have done nothing but love him and stand by him through more then any human being ever could or would and this does include his cheating, lying and leaving me in the past. I know that once I am gone he will realize this too and be back at my doorstep on MY terms, only this time I am not too sure I want him back. He has already had his second chance with me and he has screwed it up royally. I am sure I can stand on my own. Let me know how things worked out for you.
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A
female
reader, classispice +, writes (27 February 2009):
classispice is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis goes out to Anonymous who wrote to me on 18/02/09.
You are so right and I can tell that we most definitely are in the same situation, it can only worst for you though since you are married to him.
I received a diary for my birthday this year with the following words: Ask, believe and you will receive - it's from the book 'The Secret' by Rhonda Bryne. I have not read it as yet but my cousin has and said it has worked miracles for her.
May God be with you always.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): I made the last post and I do have one more thing to add. Although this is no excuse to treat you badly, you did say that his parents died 3 years ago. Did they did at the same time? Was it some sort of long term illness? I am only asking because even though it sounds as if he has not treated you the way you want to be treated for more then 6 years, if his parents were ill and expected to die then this could have caused a lot of depression on his part. Depression will cause people to act strangly and out of charicter. Even if they died suddenly, it could be the cause for his cruelty and refusal to talk or be close with you now. Have you talked to him about any of this. Between now and Saturday when he is expected to leave, I would try to talk to him about these things if you haven't already. I am still not saying you should except his behavior, but if his behavior is due to some sort of trauma in his life, then there is a very good chance that counceling would help both of you. Not only with his issues, but also with the issues that you are having with his treatment of you and the fact that he seems to be in denial about it. Why don't you give that a try before throwing in the towel. If he says no and still wants to go, then he is just not worth it, let him go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): I do know what you are going through right now, I went through the same thing with my husband about two weeks ago. I felt that for the past year he has been coming home to me out of obligation only, but made no attempt to treat me like a wife or at times even a person. He was making me feel like the enemy even though I did not do anything wrong. I finally got fed up that I was the only one making any efforts in our marriage and I felt that he was having some serious issues that he needed to deal with. I told him to get help or leave. It broke my heart when he lift insisting that I kicked him out on the streets as if he was given no other option. This is currently his story and he is sticking to it. He has made it clear to me that I am the evil one and he can not forgive me for what I have done. I do believe the truth is he was looking for a reason and I am sure that deep down inside he is probably shocked that I put up with as much as I did from him for as long as I did and kept trying. I also know that right now he is out and about having fun, but it won't be long until a lonely night comes along for him and it will hit him that "I PUT UP WITH AS MUCH AS I DID FOR AS LONG AS I DID FOR A REASON". I truly and unconditionally loved him until it hurt and that is not something that can be easily replaced. When he knows what he lost, then and only then will he feel the pain that I am feeling right now. Only his will be 10 times worst because he will know it was nobody's fault but his own. I do believe that your boyfriend will come to the same conclusion in the end. I know that this does not make you feel any better, but what I am trying to say is some men are not very mature and they want to have their cake and eat it too. I am sure that he loves you and knows how vaulable you are, but he does not want for you to know this because he is assuming the same thing that my husband is right now, he can go have his fun, say you kicked him out and then come back to you expecting an apology on top of everything else. Do not accept it. I am assuming that you asked him to make several changes for you prior to asking him to leave. If you do decide to take him back make sure he is very aware and ready to take responsibility for the fact that he was asked to leave because he was not respecting your feelings and that is his own fault. Make him follow through with what you want from him before you will accept him and in the mean time get yourself some counceling so that you can become better at learing how to make the relationship healthy and how to get your own needs met rather then you only filling his needs. This is what I am doing. Does not matter if my husband comes back or not, I want to make sure my next relationship is a healty one and you should do the same. I do get the feeling that if he said he will leave on Saturday, he is just stalling in the hopes that you will change your mind and apologize to him before he goes. Don't do it. You will only be confirming to him that he is right to act the way he is acting and you will never get what you want out of him. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, No_Nonsense +, writes (18 February 2009):
 Hello fellow South African!!! :)
Sorry to hear of your pain. I think your situation is similar to what many, many women have gone through. As women we are nurturers and soul builders; we give our all and then men just leave without a second glance. It's not fair, and yes, very cold.
He has obviously been working towards a breakup for a while now - this can be seen just by observing his actions. He hasn't been making much effort.
I have a feeling he might have been doing that so that you would push him away - sometimes guys say they're cowards and prefer the women to break up with them.
The good thing about this story is that you did make that move for yourself. You chose to end things and that took guts. It's good to take a stand and decide "no more!" on the pain because, honestly, relationships do require mutual respect, effort but also fun. They shouldn't be so emotionally damaging.
I am sorry that he turned out to be so cruel, but at least you can walk away with your head held high.
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