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female
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anonymous
writes: i am 18 and ihave a baby with a man who is 7 years older than me. he i very controlling and im am very jealous due to the way i was raised. i am very insecure about my looks and my attitude. he often puts me down harshly and he is very secret about what he does that doesnt concern me. my jealousy is tearing us apart and i cant find a way to communicate without upseting him which always leads to him ignoring me or becoming angry with me.help!!!
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 You need to become far more assertive and have more confidence in yourself. You're not a child any more, you're a mature woman with a child. Don't let his put downs get you down. Controlling men are very often that way because of THEIR insecurities, it's all a front with them. Don't justify yourself in everything YOU do. If he asks where you were don't tell him, give him a piece of what he's giving you and if he gets angry say to him "hey, I'm only doing to you what you do to me". This will let him see what it feels like.
Don't you trust him? Do you think he might be seeing someone else? Has he changed any in the way he is towards you? Are you both still intimate regularly?
About jealousy - Feelings such as jealousy are based on fear and do not come from love at all, we say we feel like this BECAUSE we love the person but this isn't the case at all. Jealousy comes from wanting to possess and wanting to own or have. One cannot own another being or even the mind of another being. One being cannot live for another. Remember that FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear immobilizes and makes it virtually impossible for people to think effectively because it bypasses the pre frontal cortex and goes directly to your right brain emotional center and is thus not even analyzed first!
Feelings such as guilt and worry are in the same category. See what benefits you could possibly derive from sitting in your favourite chair and contemplating as well as experiencing these feelings intensely for a few hours? None of course because they do not deliver any benefit other than getting you into an even greater state of fear. So you see, that jealousy, guilt, fear and worry all belong in the trash bin because they do not deliver any benefit whatsoever. Love on the other hand will get you to understand and be less fearful. This in turn will make it possible for you to experience joy and bliss.
Remember always: You have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else. YOU determine the future. And you become what you THINK. Be careful because the universe will deliver that which you THINK!
Eve
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007): im 15 and I have a huge jealousy problems. I always get mad with my girlfriend because every single little thing she does. i dont let her go out any were with out me. I dont even let her wear whatever she wants to wear. I dont let her talk to any guy not even her family. I've been trying to get help but it just doesnt work. So PLEASSE HELP ME!!!!!
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (24 January 2006):
 this sounds a bit like my relationship a year ago, it took alot of working on and i got depression and became alcoholice before it even started to change, the getting angry when trying to talk thing was so frustrating, is he ever kind to you, if not id leave straight away, if he is then id choose one of these moments to bring it up , tell him you are a family noe and that there must mbe more trust and that while he keeps being so secretive nothing is ever going to get better also add that when you are in a relationship there need to be communication so when you talk to him about stuff it would be far more helpful if he sat down and listened , tryed to understand and respond in a civilised way without the anger, if he dosent listen to you try couples counselling, you dont need to be married to qualify for marriage guidance.
i hope things change for you
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (22 January 2006):
 This might be a time to seriously question whether or not to be with this man. A healthy relationship consists of honesty and trust from both partners. He is not honest and you feel you cannot trust him. I also must comment on his "harshly putting you down." A man in love does not think of hurting his woman physically or emotionally. And you said he does it often. Give him an ultimatum only if you are ready to follow through with it. Unfortunately, there is a strong possibility that he will choose to do what he wants because he's already doing it now. Be strong, I know it's not what you want to hear, but how else will you get his attention? Best of Luck sweetie!
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A
female
reader, breeze +, writes (22 January 2006):
hi, when i was reading your letter it reminded me so much of my daughters relationship with her boyfriend. he is very secretive about what he is doing and it just adds fuel to the fire. because he is so secretive it makes my daughter more insecure. ive told her to try and become a bit more independant from him. her whole world revolves around him and it is just not healthy for either of them. i think if she backed off from him it might give him something to think about. as it stands he knows that she will always be there so he has nothing to lose by being nasty to her. start backing off from him honey , i know it might be hard but he will soon realise that you might not always be there for him. take care xxx
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