A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been dating this guy for almost three years. He is sweet and good hearted and I love being around him. However, in the beginning I was able to overlook problems that are now a huge concern for me.First, my boyfriend is very irresponsible with money. Last summer, he got arrested for not paying his traffic tickets. He also has outstanding credit card and cell phone bills. In years past, he has gotten burned by hundreds of dollars in bank overdraft fees. Last fall, there was a pick-up order on his car because he was failing to make his car payments. He had to pay an attorney $1000 to get the car back in his name, and agree to make double payments. Now, halfway into his "catchup period", he decided he was tired of paying for his truck and let his car get repossessed.I was very upset by this incident, but he acknowledged that he has a problem with money and that he would be willing to let me take over his finances and get him set straight again. Is this a good idea?Finally, my boyfriend also has problems controlling his diet. He is type II diabetic and overweight but still eats tons of sugary foods. This sounds like something so small, but i worry that he's going to kill himself if he keeps it up.What should I do? How can I save this relationship?
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female
reader, Cindy303 +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Hello,
You seem to have your hands full. I think its a good idea to offer to help your boyfriend with his finances. Even though he should be old enough to do this on his own, he lacks the responsibility to do so. If you are thinking long term relationship with him, then he has alot of growing up to do. How could you stay in something like this knowing that in ten years down the road he just may decide he does not want to pay the mortgage anymore, or the electric bill. Its alot of work keeping yourself and money in order.
On the problem with his health. The side effects of being a diabetic and not watching your sugar levels can do harm to organs and cant cause issues from everything like his eyes, to something as simple as a cut not healing properly. The last thing a person wants is to feel that they are being lectured. Maybe you can offer to cook dinners with him for awhile which are healthy. Making taking a walk in the evenings or after dinner. Little changes at first can add up over time and maybe introducing them that way will not make him defensive.
Good Luck. Cindy
A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (2 April 2008):
 It's actually typical. Most people overlook things for a while thinking they will change or get better. You are at the good stage now. I say that because now is when you decide if you truly love him enough to look past his problems and even take some of them on yourself. It sounds like you are willing and that you really only have his best interests at heart. So, tell him all this. Thats pretty much all you can do. He is probably always gonna be bad with money, but with your help not so bad as before. Age also helps that too. Also he is probably always gonna struggle with his diabetese and weight. But, again, with your help it will get better. So there is the ultimate question. Do you love him enough to take this on? If the answer is yes then it sounds like you should try and help. As long as he's acknowledging his problems and his willingness to change. And it sounds like he is. But a word of caution: Dont let him become dependant on you or take advantage of your help. If he does that then you have to walk away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Hey girl - get a grip. You are not his keeper. If he can behave so irresponsibly knowing you are going to bail him out, he's not likely to take responsibility for himself or his actions. His blatant refusal to take care of his own health and wealth doen't inspire a person to think he could take responsibilty for someone else - either adult or child....... However, if you insist on being his keeper I'm afraid to say it will be an uphill struggle, and possible lead to heated debates and falling out, because you will be telling him 'no' when he wants 'yes' to his demands for the wrong food or money to spend inappropriately when you are trying to meet HIS obligations. Sometimes tough love is best, let him get on with it himself and take the consequences. When he reaches rock bottom, the only way is up - THEN you can help and support him.
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