A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am desperate for help asap. my boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 yrs on and off. since this past december we have been wonderful. we got into a discussion and it has led to him saying he needs time. my boyfriend is very straight forward. In the past when he would say he needs time, i would break all the rules and call, text and email. This past sunday he said he just needs time. In the past he just wouldnt pick up. and he really just needed time. he loved many things about me and said that i am such a great girl. this time he has called me every night after work. I would talk about anything except the relationship. we would get off the phone and say we miss each other. But each day I would send how i felt about the situation in a very long text. then when he called we wouldnt speak of it. i sent him another text yesterday after i called him and he didnt answer. the text explained how i dont like to be ignored. then later that night i called him and sent a text to see if he was ok and he text me back that he was at work. so this time he didnt even call all day. so i asked if he was ok and what happen today? and he never responded. i told him in another text after that, that i was excited when i called him today and just wanted to have coffee and give him a book we had spoke about. an hour later he replied ok... he never said he missed me. very short response. i am afraid that he may only be meeting me to break up with me. how do i avoid this? should i not call him today to go for the coffee and meet him? after all it just occured to me last night that, in the past when he says something, he means it. such as needing time. I think he may have been ok if i never sent all those text messages, one a day usually explaining how i felt. because he was calling me at night and we would be in a good mood speaking about our day. i failed until now to really hear what he was saying about needing time. so now i think he may be breaking up with me because of me sending those messages and not giving him time. please help me save my relationship. should i avoid having coffee with him today? He was suppose to take me with him to work tomorrow to see a concert. should i wait until tomorrow to contact him? Or should i avoid him for a while and see if he contacts me? even though he said yes to having coffee with me today? I dont know what to do but i know this is the guy i want to be with and he wants to be with me but the one bad thing i do to screw things up is i never just give anyone time. is it too late for me to fix this? before i never realized what i did wrong. but this time i have made damage by texting but i have recognized what i do wrong. i wish i would have listened to what he said last sunday about taking time and i believe we would be ok right now. how can keep him from leaving me? i hope someone can answer today.thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmore advice on my boyfriend. He is muslim, not full fledged. what i mean is he works in a club, drinks on occassion, and we are intimate and not married. we are taking time apart because things have become so serious. he said it really is because we need to see if we get back together, that we move forward in our relationship. he knows i want to spend the rest of my life with him. do you think that no matter how much he says i am the most wonderful and unique woman he has ever known etc.. that his faith will take over his heart and he will chose not to marry me? regardless of how much he cares about me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for your help and advise. i have added to my question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is the one contacting me and talking with me and he says that i do not bother him and i apologized to him for not giving him some space. He called me today and i asked him if he wanted to go to dinner and he said he would let me know. But it appears that is not going to happen. I know that he knows i love him dearly. He has told me that he has never felt this way towards any other woman. and that given our track record he would have left long ago if it were anyone else but me.. and he said that he is weak with me and always i say or do something that he can never stay away. what does that mean? he says he is happy with me and isnt looking anywhere else. But how do i know if he really loves me. what can i do to make him stay?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I guess sometimes we realise to late when we have done wrong. He asked you for time yet you kept continuing to contact him, that would have came across to him as needy and would have anoyed him as you never listened to him. The best thing you can do now is just dont contact him again, no texting no phone calls nothing. Let him be the one to contact you first, and when he does and asks you why you havent been in contact just simply say that you realised that you were in the wrong for contacting him when he said he needed space and now you are taking a back seat to let him have the time he needed. This will show him that you have listened to him and also that your life can carry on without him.
Stop panicking about if he is breaking up with you or not, you dont know what he is going to do therefore try not to worry. If he does break up with you all you can do is apologise for your behaviour and tell him that you now realise that you were in the wrong and you wont contact him anymore. If he does break up with you well at least you will learn for future relationships that sometimes you can be a bit needy and you need to tone it down. Also dont beg him to take you back if he does finish with you. Just dont contact him at all and it may just give him a chance to realise he misses you. Goodluck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): I do what you do, my boyfriend is the same way and everytime he says he needs space or time I dont really give him it either. Its just how I am, it seems no matter what my mood is or if im mad at him or anything hes still the person I want to be around but same doesnt go for him.From my experience Id say go. Just go meet him with a smile on your face, greet him with a hug and see what he says. If you think its gonna be bad, remain calm and try explain your feelings for him. Infact just let him know how you feel in general and tell him you dont want to lose him and that when he says he needs space you will try your very best at giving him it but explain its hard for you for whichever your reason is (mines is because I love spending time with him and dont really like to be alone).I hope everything goes well for you, I know what your going through. Just maybe try change yourself a little bit (which is incredibly hard believe me im trying as we speak)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): I guess you should give him time and space. no more text messages. wait to contact him for the concert.
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