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anonymous
writes:I have, what is common called, a f**k buddy. She and I both came out of long term relationships recently and sort of found each other. We have known each other for a long time and it just felt right. This has been going on for over a year now. We have spoken about a relationship together and both came to the conclusion that what we have going on now is better for both of us. We meet for a few days every couple of weeks, have a laugh, have lots of sex obviously and then go our seperate ways.Thing is, I'm not sleeping with anyone else but she is. Now while I am fond of her I dont have strong romantic feelings towards her but this kinda bothers me. Is it a case of 'having my cake and eating it'? I suppose coming out of long relationship I still want to feel cared for by someone or I dont want to be just another lay. I think I maybe answering my own question here. Anyway, I guess its time to either move what we have to another level which I feel just wont work or call an end to it if its bothering me now. I think whats really bothering me is that we were supposed to hook up last night but she cancelled at the last minute and asked if we could meet this evening instead. I then see from her social network page that she was out for drinks with her ex BF. This is her right and I respect it, we agreed that we are not a couple so thats par for the course. However I dont feel good about sleeping with her now if she was with her ex last night. Just doesnt seem right.So any objective insights?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks GuysTo close the post: I went to her place last night and we had a chat and discussed exclusivity. She thought that I was seeing other people too but now feels that this one 'ground rule' makes sense. So we have the best of both worlds.To celebrate we had a couple of glasses of wine and in the height of passion she kept saying 'I love having s*x with you' and what I thought I was going to say was 'I love having s*x with you too' but what came out was 'I love you'...!?!?!LOL.... the tangled webs we weave!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): hey bud!I think youre naturally developing feelings for the woman and thats okay, however, the circumstances dont allow for those feelings to be carried out cause of ur situation with her. Thus, itd prob be best to break things off so you can find someone for a meaningful relationship. Good luck on this.
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reader, Capri2  +, writes (25 March 2011):
Obviously you don't have the kind of relationship you really want. You agreed to this relationship but you would like her to be exclusive. And you already know that's not part of the deal.Now, I don't think that "f**k buddy" relationships are a good idea because there's always someone more involved than the other. Rules are never completely clear. And most of the time this leads to an unhappy ending.Anyway, you should tell her what you really want and get to see whether she agrees to the new rules.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I think you should stop being F%%k buddies. You're not feeling comfortable about her sleeping with other guys. I don't think you should get into a relationship with her, you don't have romantic feelings towards her, and after this long, if you're not in love you wont ever fall for her either. So going down that route would be a waste of time and energy. I think the answer is very simple: you feel cheapened. You enjoy the sex, yes, and you don't want a relationship with her. But being a woman's just "one out of many" isn't your ideal either. You CARE about being some woman's only one. You don't want this woman, but the whole concept of you just being one out of many is unappealing to you. That's perfectly fine. But if so it only means that a set-up like the one you currently have isn't going to work for you. You need more exclusivity when it comes to your f%#¤ buddies. I've had lovers (the nicer word that I like to call it), and in the most recent one we had an exclusive arrangement. We would have casual sex only as long as none of us were getting involved with someone else. The moment one of us were to fall in love, or go to bed with, someone else, the arrangement was off. That was important for both parties, for a number of reasons. One was the questions of STI's. Neither part wanted to catch anything. Second, it was a matter of keeping it from being "cheap". I didn't want to be just one out of many. I think for the future, should I ever take a lover again, I'd set the same arrangement. Lovers with exclusiveness. If one lover want more partners than me they can go elsewhere. Just because you have a lover doesn't mean you need to be promiscuous.
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reader, person12345  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Yes, you want to have your cake and eat it too. One of two things is going on.Either a) you've developed feelings for her but don't want to admit it to yourself or her since you agreed for this to not happen.or b) you want the benefits of an exclusive relationship without having to put in the work.If you like her and want a relationship, why not tell her? She might feel the same way. You can always sort of test the waters by asking her hypothetical questions and see how she responds.
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