A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know a boy for about seven years, and we started dating a few months ago, and last Saturday he decided to introduce me to his family. It turns out that he has a brother, who was never mentioned, and is the same man that I slept a few years ago. I don't know what to do or how to tell my boyfriend about this. I love him so much and he makes me so happy, I don't want it to end. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (28 April 2016):
 It’s a small world or neighbourhood by the sounds of it, bumping into a former bed-fellow who happens to be your boyfriend’s brother?
I agree brothers do talk and can laugh this off, but so long as the brother doesn’t start bragging or stirring up trouble about how he had you first… Plus that you do not have feelings or fancy his brother in any way!
I must say it’s an awkward situation to be in; I’d tell him you have something awkward to say that you’d like him to know …how uncanny it was meeting his family, it was a coincidence to see his brother as someone you’ve met before, and was intimate with…
Take Care – CAA
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (27 April 2016):
It is very possible that your bf already knew that you'd had sex with his brother. Brothers talk. Assuming that they have normal brother/brother communications with each other, after a few dates with you, your bf probably told his brother about this girl named (you) he really likes. It wouldn't take much further discussion to figure out that you'd also been in his brother's life. And if he has photos of you on his phone, this becomes an even greater possibility.If this is the situation they might be wondering whether you've forgotten the episode. In either case it is something you should discuss with your bf if you are planning a long-term relationship with him. Don't over concern yourself with this too much. The brothers could well be laughing about this. Guys are much more accepting and forgiving when it comes to past sexual escapades.
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female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (27 April 2016):
 Neither you or his brother have done anything wrong nor is there reason to feel guilty. BUT if you choose to keep it a secret, that will probably have a more detrimental affect than being upfront in the first place. It wont be the fact that you guys slept together, it will be that he feels 'cheated' out of knowing the truth. Rip the band aide off. Sure, it may be a bit uncomfortable at first so try not make that big of a deal out of it. Hopefully he has the maturity to accept that it is what it is and move past it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2016): You didn't do anything wrong by sleeping with his brother. But you are doing wrong right now by keeping quiet about it. This is not about whether you have a right to keep your past a secret. This is your BF's brother. The usual rules about relationship past history and privacy don't apply here. Your BF is owed the truth ASAP. No excuses or exceptions.Waiting longer before telling your BF will not make it go over easier, it will make it WORSE. It only adds on a longer time that you were lying to him by keeping quiet. It will not make what happened seem any farther in the past when he finds out. Now that your BF knows that you know this guy is his brother, the clock is ticking.If your BF hears it from anyone besides you (including from his brother) that would be the worst.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2016):
 Tell him," hey honey I feel I need to tell you this and it's going to be awkward. A few years ago I slept with a guy, and ... well it's your brother." Or however I feel it's best to word it.
I think the brother is SURE to remember at some point and if you don't tell your BF, he will.
Of course you could feign "amnesia" and pretend it never happened. I think it's really up to you. I don't think you OWE your BF to tell him whom your past lovers were, but personally I'd get it out of the way, now rather then it popping up 6-12 months from now and causing drama or hurt feelings.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 April 2016):
 If you and your bf are getting serious, it is better he hears the truth coming from you, than to find out from his brother or any circle of friends.
Something you could try is to ask your bf about how people handle the other person's sexual past....see if you can find out if he would have too much of a problem dating someone that had been intimate with a friend or family member of his. If he does say this, you can break up with him without having to tell him the reason. (you do not have to reveal your secrets).
However, if he indicates he would be ok with it, best to be honest with him.
Bottom line: if the couple cannot withstand the truth, it is not a relationship that is going to last. Never build a relationship on hidden truths.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2016):
 You don't need to end it, you have done nothing wrong, are you even sure that his brother remembers having sex with you? Maybe you could have a word with him and ask him what would be the best way to approach this. However you both have only started dating and his brother is in the past, he doesn't even need to be mentioned.
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