A
female
age
30-35,
*iss Misunderstood
writes:My mom is being really mean saying that she doesn't like my boyfriend of whom I've been dating for 2 years now only because he is shy and doesn't like to talk much. Gosh it's really irritating me.. gahhh I feel myself getting closer and closer to telling her off because he doesn't deserve to be spoken of that way. He is a really sweet guy, and I love him. He'll talk to my dad because he knows my dad a bit better and knows that he likes him. I just think he's a bit nervous to talk much around my mom because he can probably sense she doesn't like him. It's her own fault.. she is the only one not aware of that.. gosh parents can be so difficult at times. Is there any way I can prove to my mom that my boyfriend is a wonderful guy? I mean she's really the only problem. His family loves me, my family loves him, all except for her.. she's just so judgmental.. I guess she means well.. I don't know. I just really need some help here. :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Agreed, insulting people that you don't even know is wrong.
But in your previous posts you had not mentioned insults.
You just said that your mom does not like him and she is being critical ( of his role in your life,more than of the boy himself ). But... we all are entitled to our likes and dislikes , and to give our opinion ,even if it's a negative one. Btw, moderately negative, because after all she is letting you date him and is not forbidding you to spend a lot of time with him. Maybe you feel hurt by your mom voicing her objections, ...same as maybe she feels hurt by you totally ignoring her input and dismissing her concerns.
The only possible solution here is...compromise. Talk to you mom, tell her you'd like her to spend more time getting to know the boy , and see if you can arrange for that to happen. Like, having him over more often for dinner, or have him tag along with you for an afternoon of shopping or errands- or even organize a pizza night out just for the 3 of you. Ask her to make an effort and take the time to get to know him - on turn, you 'll make an effort too, you'll spend SOME of your free time socializing with people ( not just glued to your bf)
A
female
reader, Miss Misunderstood +, writes (9 April 2011):
Miss Misunderstood is verified as being by the original poster of the question @ CindyCares
I really appreciate your outlook on things, and I know that my mom is only trying to look out for me, but good grief that does not mean she should insult the guy I love only because she hasn't gotten a chance to fully get to know him yet. I just don't see how that is right at all. I know she means well, but I just find that to be very offensive. As for me finding girl friends, gosh I have tried.. but every time I make friends with some girls, all they talk about is gossip about other people, or they want to cause problems with other people by spreading false rumors.. and I'm just not the type of girl to get into stuff like that.
I enjoy the company of guys more because they are more laid back and and I find alot more things to talk about with them like guitar, video games, some interesting bands we like, you know, things like that. Most girls just don't seem to get into that sort of stuff. Although I have a few girl friends I talk to and hang out with every now and then. It's just that with school, and running track, I don't have much free time, and the time I do have I want to spend with him. He doesn't force me to do so, it's just what gives me the most happiness. He's my best friend. I love being with him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 April 2011):
Ah-ah. I knew it could not be just because of the shyness . ( Even if , I must say, when people can't hold a semi decent conversation, and just answer monosyllables, while maybe shuffling their feet and NOT looking at you- well, it's not only annoying, it's just rude. Sure it's not their fault, but it's a problem, a communication and socialization problem, and if one has a problem, he/she s hould try to fix it, seeking professional help if necessary, no ?. It 's like people who sweat in buckets and are always drenched with perspiration :sure poor souls it's not their fault, but- try do something about it, - see a specialist ! )
Anyway, I am sure that your mom can't dislike a teenager just because he is ... a teenager, socially awkward by definition, sort of.
I think she is worried, I think she is afraid that his influence is restricting your social and emotional life, and that is not good, at your age. I think she is right to be concerned, you should not be spending all your free time one on one with him, it 's too claustrophobic,too mutually needy, it generates emotional dependence, at 16 you are not supposed to only be either alone or with your bf ! And ,what does it mean that , since your friends are mostly males, you can't see them when he is not around ! If he trusts you, and you say they are just friends- then he should not feel bad about you spending time with them, and you should not cave in to his whims ! But, anyway, why can't you try to make new friends among girls ? because you don't bother to- since you already have your bf, you don't " need " to talk to anybody else- See where this thing is going ?.... In a direction that no regular mom can approve. I know that this won't be enough to change your mind, and ,then again, you have to make your own mistakes and go by trial and error to see what's good for you. so, hold on to the boy if you have to- but don't think your mom is irrational, mean or prejudiced if she is not ok with your love story, she is just being a smart mom.
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A
female
reader, Miss Misunderstood +, writes (8 April 2011):
Miss Misunderstood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've spoken to her about it countless times. She said she just doesn't like how he doesn't talk much and finds it to be rude although he truly doesn't mean anything by it, he's just very shy around people he doesn't know well, especially if he can sense that they don't like him. She also thinks that he is controlling me because I don't hang out with anyone but him the majority of the time. Although that is only because most of my friends are guys and he would be very uneasy if I were to hang out with them when he's not around even though I would never do anything of course. But besides, I just love being able to talk to him one-on-one, without anyone else around. I just love being able to have that deep connection with him.. but she just doesn't seem to understand that. I've tried to explain it to her, but she always says, "You've been with this guy for two years, don't you think you want to broaden your horizons and see what else is out there? You are only 16." And I always reply, "No I love him, I don't want to be with anyone else. He's perfect to me." Then she says, "No one's perfect. Everyone has flaws.." "Mom, I know.. I meant he is perfect in my eyes.. I know he has flaws, but I do too.. everyone does." But she still just never seems satisfied I don't know what to do. I tell her what a great guy he is, and how he is doing well in school, and that we have alot of the same views on everything.. and I just LOVE this guy so much.. he's my best friend. I just wish she would accept him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Have you taken the time to ask her what it is that she doesn't like or is concerned with? Most of the time as teens we assume that we know more about our lives and what is going on than our parents, meaning their reactions to things and people in our lives are normally wrong and pointless - especially if they disagree with our views.However keep in mind that a parent normally doesn't "just dislike" someone - they have a reason. Granted, sometimes that reason is silly, but I get the feeling that it isn't just his shy nature that bothers your mother.If you want to best resolve the issue, have a serious, adult, heart-to-heart with your mom. Tell her that you have sensed for a long time that she dislikes your boyfriend and you would like to know precisely what it is she disapproves of. It will probably go one of two ways - she will actually like him and there has been some sort of miscommunication, like she thought he disliked her or whatnot is one option. This of course can be easily remedied. Another likely option is that she will have honest concerns, to which you need to respond in an adult way - don't laugh it off or say she's stupid for thinking such things. If she honestly has no reason to worry, then explain so.Overall, communication is key here. Talk to your mom and see what it is she really doesn't like. That will open up opportunities to clear up the mess and allow you to continue your relationship peacefully. Good luck!
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