A
male
age
36-40,
*orcupinehead315
writes:Hello guys,Basically, the background of this story is that my ex-girlfriend dumped me about 7 months ago last August. We've dated each other for 2 years and have known each other for a total of 4 years. I am a junior in college currently graduating in one more year and she is a sophomore graduating in 3 more years.About 5 months ago around October, my ex-girlfriend started liking my ex-friend. He basically kissed her one night even though he had a girlfriend at the time and even talked her into spending the night at his apartment. He basically played her and knows it. She felt really bad about it and told me that she still really liked me and could only think about me. I forgave her and tried to move on.Up until about the event listed above and a few weeks ago, I seriously thought that we were finally beginning to work things out and would eventually get back together. My ex-girlfriend would say that she loved me and that she was ready to live with me next year and that she did not like my ex-friend except in a friend way. She also made me a really nice Valentine's Day gift last month that contained a note on how much she really truly loved me and how I would be the only one that she ever would. Also, around January, my ex-friend broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years.Flash forward to about 3 weeks ago. I saw my ex-friend in my ex-girlfriend's dorm room and I confronted her about it and told her that either I had to leave or he had to leave and we decided to not talk for a week even though she broke down and called after about 3 days and I stupidly called her back. After the week was over, I met up with her which was about 12 days ago and we got into an argument. Actually, she did most of the yelling and said that she really hated me and that it was my fault that we broke up originally and even pushed me a few times (I'm bigger than her so it didn't hurt or anything).2 days after our argument, I found out that my ex-girlfriend was starting to sleep at my ex-friend's place constantly again and some of my college friends even already saw them kissing. I basically cracked down after finding this out and even chipped a bone in my knuckle when I punched concrete out of frustration. 3 days after the argument, I told my ex-girlfriend through a friend I wanted the rest of my stuff back. 4 days after the argument, she finally gave me back all my stuff like my clothes. During this time, she refused to give me back some of my stuff until she could see me again and apologize for what she said to me during the argument.When she started talking to me, I basically grew angry at her because she told me that I had to stay away from her friends on her dorm floor but they're also my friends because I go to the gym with them and stuff and I found it unfair that she could start dating my ex-friend. Also, she wanted me to sit down so she could leave me and walk away from me. I told her that I would not because I wouldn't satisfy her ego. Did I do the right thing?After I got all my stuff back, I talked to one of my mutual friends and she told me that my ex-girlfriend told her that she was not sleeping over at my ex-friend's and started being rude to me. I know my ex-girlfriend was sleeping over there because I actually saw her over at my ex-friend's place and two of my friend's also saw it. It's been more than a week and a half since we've talked to each other now.I don't know what to do now because I'm crying every single night and I break down at the most random times. My grades have gone down and I've even felt like crying during class. My ex-girlfriend was my first love and we were each other's first at everything. I know my ex-friend's agenda is to just get into her pants and it really bugs me everyday. I like to think I hate my ex-girlfriend with every part of my body but my emotions says otherwise. I don't understand why she lied to me about her feelings towards my ex-friend and why she would throw a 4 year relationship down the drain. I know that I'm better off without her but I felt like I was screwed for so long and I don't know how to get myself back together. Last year was very different because we were a lot closer and was discussing about getting married. Does my ex-girlfriend still love me and why would she do such low things as lying and hurting me. It hurts me a lot every day especially at night considering we used to sleep together. She also still has pictures of us in her room and my special piece of artwork still hanging up in her room according to a mutual friend. She also wears my PROMISE ring still on her right ring finger. Does this mean anything? How do I make it stop? Please tell me your opinions about the situation and what I should do now... I also have been in a relationship for most of college so I don't even know how to meet college girls now and I only have a year of college left. Please help!Also, I don't understand how Matt always gets girls to talk to him because he is a big jerk. None of my ex-girlfriend's best friends like him and also think he's a jerk. They were all cheering for us to get back together. Please help I feel so worthless and not wanted! What can I do now? Do I still have a chance?
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female
reader, the secret  +, writes (10 April 2009):
 i know how it hurts to lose a 1st love but get yourself together you can't keep beating yourself up because of your ex.yes you will never forget her but move on.people learn from they mistakes and im sure she will.if she still has your pictures and painting she still loves you and might be using your ex friend for something.look if you want her back go for it but keep in mind that she might still sleep with your ex and you will end up hurt again.it seems like when things go sour with your ex friend she runs back because she knows you love her and you can't move on
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