A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am about to turn 25 years old and I live at home with my mother and older brother. I recently discovered that my mother suffers from narcissistic personality disorder after doing some extensive research online. I always believed her behaviour was far too abnormal but I actually discovered it by accident one night while browsing. She is very hard to live with. She drowns on and on about all that she has done for me even and criticises me whenever she can and always tries to belittle me and made me feel foolish. My brother is no better as I also recently discovered. We don’t have a close relationship as you can see here - http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-build-a-better-relationship-with.html - I’ve grown to not trust his intentions. He seems to respond to me through jealously, disregard and resentment and doesn’t care about my well being. I also discovered that I have never heard my brother say something good about me. He is in his mid thirties and has no goals or ambition he works towards. He doesn’t even have a job. The same person he was as a teenager is the same person he is today. He always seems to find something bad to say about me and if it’s not bad, it isn’t good either. But he seems to offend say stings when I’m not around and is extra quiet when I’m there. I’ve reached my limit and I really want to move out of this toxic household. But the job I have only pays $400 per month. Where I live the cheapest houses cost $30,000. Should I make a run for it and move out and just struggle whenever I go or should I stay? I don’t have friends or family who can accommodate me anytime soon, so it’s either. I don’t have many friends and the one I have isn’t much of an advice giver to be honest I sort of want to stop being friends with her and I feel horrible because of it and I don’t know what to do. It’s an on and off thing.Sometimes I wonder if I’m the terrible person in everyone’s life and I just don’t see it. I don’t really have much of anything or anyone to turn to. I feel so alone and therapy is expensive. I have a job I don’t like but need, a home I go to everyday with abusive people, practically no friends and social life, no girlfriend. I really don’t feel like I have a safe zone anywhere, well...beside here.So should I run for it or just cover my ears and stay until I can really afford to leave?
View related questions:
ambition, cheap, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 25 and living at home is the definition of dysfunctional. You may leave whenever you like now.
A
female
reader, xEmilyx +, writes (1 July 2014):
Hey there I understand how you feel. My mother does not have what your mother has, but it's a similar situation, and it was impossible for me to live with her. It got so bad I had to leave my mother and move back to my home state with my father. That was my only choice as I was very young and didn't even have a job at the same, no friends, no other family support. Very similar to you. I now have a job and have been living with my father for almost 2 years. I'm very lucky for my father because if it wasn't for him, I have no idea what would have happened to me. Are you positive you don't have any family members or friends you could stay with? even if it's just temporary to give you time away from them and to think. If not, and you really don't think you can handle it anymore, maybe start looking around for a roommate or renting a room. I hope all works out well for you.I use to be in a very similar situation like I said, so if you need anyone to talk to you can always message me and I can try to help as best as I can. Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 I am afraid you don't have much of a choice. I don't think you could ever make it on your own with $ 400 a month. It would not be a matter of struggling, it would be a matter of survival, which I don't think is guaranteed on that income . I guess you'll have to focus on getting a better paying job, or a second part time job, before you can realistically think of moving out.
Then , you can rent a room, or share a place with roommates and you should be fine ( What do you care how much houses cost in your area ? You do not need to OWN a house to move out ).
I am not saying this to bring you down, in fact I hope this helps you to gather your scattered energies and strive for a specific goal ( new job ).
When one feels that everything is going wrong ( family, job, friends, love etc. ) it's easy to feel overwhelmed, impotent, paralyzed... and just not doing anything because ther's too much to fix. Start focusing on one thing ( how to supplement your income ) then take it from there.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 July 2014):
 As much as it pains me to say, I'd work FURIOUSLY and FAST about getting a job that pays more then $400 a month.
Then I would look into renting a room not buy a house or rent a place. Start with a room (usually cheaper).
Running, while it sounds like a better short term solution, doesn't solve anything. If you run, can you then keep your job? No.. So you would be homeless and jobless.
Filtering out all that negativity at home seems impossible but you need to find ways to block them out. In one ear out the other. It's not like any of the stuff they are saying is actually true, so no need to take it in (Easier said then done I am sure.)
I would suggest you try and make a budget, see what you need to make to be on your own.
...............................
|
