A
female
age
26-29,
*julia*
writes:[Mod Note - OP's own title]I'm 13 years old and going into 8th grade. And I want to know why I don't feel pretty??? I get compliments from my friends and they say that I'm beautiful, but I don't get why they think that. They are pretty that I am. Especially my best friend. She is gorgeous and is really nice. I am so jealous of her because she is beautiful. And so nice. I like to think I'm pretty but every time I tell myself I am, I feel like I'm lying to myself. I'm hoping it is just a phase but I'm scared that it isn't and I will never get over it. Plus I has tons of family issues and my dog has cancer and is dying. With it parents divorce, my dog having cancer, and my low self confidence I feel like ok falling appart and thought about doing some bad things to myself. I am awful and making myself physically sick. My mom is already taking my to therapy and it isn't helping. I ned to get better before I snap. Please help me!!!! :,(
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best friend, confidence, divorce, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, *julia* +, writes (29 August 2010):
*julia* is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the answers and support : ). It helps me a lot and I made plans with a couple of friends to go out and spend some time together. Sorry thay this will be long, but I have recently found out that we are moving out of my house that I grew up in. I'm upset about it but we have no money and we will get some from the house.I think one of the hardest things to go through is waching my mom go through everything. We have no money now and she is going back to school and we have to pay for my dogs operation. I don't get why she doesn't want me to get a job to help pay? It would help a lot. I'm just eager to get back to school and gets break from being home and over stressed. Again, thank you for the advice. It really helped : )
A
male
reader, johnny angel +, writes (28 August 2010):
 hi
i think the low self confidence is part of the problem and you need help for that but i also rember being 13 [also being a gay guy didt help] and thinking horribale things about myslf but please dont hurt youself [i did and still do and have the scars] on my arms to prove it to myself it dosent help and often makes things worse talk to your mum if you can or your friends when you feel down as it sounds like a mild form of depression to
if worse comes to worse and you want to talk to someone on here i can talk to u
also im sorry to here about your dog [i can relate to that cause my little dog has cancer to }
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): Hiya..
ouch 13....15 what a horrible age to be at, those flipping hormones flying around , used to make me feel the same as you but my mum told me it was only because my body was turning into a young woman's and so it was a little confused. My mum and dad never split up but they had lots of arguments and it used to do my head in, i felt sad i felt angry & lonley. We were pretty poor too so i had NO nice clothes to wear or shoes and some girls used to call me a tramp, i would cry and feel ugly because all the girls were so pretty and neat and then wam !!!!!i turned into a young woman and my spots went my hair shined my boobs well pretty much stayed small and i felt better. Mum and dad argue to this day but happy enough . yurs are divorcing maybe ...i know this is so sad but it does not mean they do not love you and it is NOT your fault. Your dog is dying of cancer this is soooo sad as well but when my dog died BENSON! i was 14 I JUST GAVE HIM SO MUCH LOVE before we took him to the vets to help him go to sleep, i still believe there is a doggie heaven and he is still running around.
Please don't hurt yourself i know you feel not good at this time in your life BUT I PROMISE YOU you will start to feel better. You are beautiful inside and outside and will grow into a beautiful young woman please don't do anything to hurt youself ....promise all of us agony aunts and uncles you will be ok....:) S.Monkey
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): I remember what it was like being 13. It was horrible and confusing. This is because you are a hormone machine!! Trust me it goes away!I'm sorry about your problems, but just be thankful that you still have both your parents and that you had the time to spend with your dog before he/she got sick. There is no reason for you to dwell on your feelings, I know thats easy to say but I wish that when I was your age I knew the things I know now. Like; Hormones make your mind go crazy, EVERYONE is uncomfortable with bits of how they look (you're still a baby, you havent grown up yet!), bad things happen, you have to get past it, it may seem bad now, but it always gets better! Make the most of having no responsibilities when you still can! Before you know it you will be paying taxes and having to scrimp and save for rent and food :-P
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): A) Your looks - if everyone says you're beautiful, believe it, especially at your age, when kids can be so mean, if you're told you're beautiful consider yourself very lucky, because it means that ITS TRUE!!!! If you're still not sure, put up your picture on a website that rates people for how hot they are. Find the truth from strangers, who have no reason to lie.B) Your parents divorcing - not your fault. 50% of marriages these days end in divorce. I'm sorry to hear about this, but take comfort in knowing that you are FAR from alone in what you're going through with this. Statistically, half the kids at your school have gone through this.....C) Dog dying of cancer.... I'm sorry to hear this as well. If you know for sure that your dog is dying, it is best to euthanize your dog before he enters the really painful end stage of cancer. Better to say goodbye on those terms than to watch them die in pain. I know it is hard, but trust me, it is the most loving in considerate thing you can do for your beloved pet. We had a cat diagnosed with terminal illness, we had to put him down because he was just suffering. They give him a shot, 12 seconds later he's unconscious, 30 seconds later he is dead. Very quick and basically painless.Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Hi Julia,
I am really sorry that you are feeling so lousy. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself, that isn't going to help anything and will just end up making your feel worse about everything including hurting yourself. Please tell your therapist about these feelings right away as soon as you can phone her or him because when you are in therapy it really isn't a great idea to involve other's like friends and family and even us in helping you get better, it interferes with the work you and your therapist are doing.
You can't say therapy isn't working, it is a process and you are doing some really hard work and it will take some time for you to feel better after all, there is a lot going on in your life that is pretty hard to take and any one with a heart and a good mind is going to feel sad about it all.
So stick with your therapy, and in the mean time, just try to calm yourself down by taking a nice bath, or fixing your favorite meal, taking a walk, reading, something quiet and relaxing where you can relax your mind and stop your thoughts from racing.
You are at a really tough age being 13, a lot of kids don't feel attractive, your body is going through so many changes, your seem like your all legs and arms, your nose seems bigger (lol) you might be getting braces for the first time and your hormones are starting to go kind of crazy on you which can make you pretty moody. This is all normal part of growing up, and it is temporary, and I am sure you are very pretty, all 13 year old girls are beautiful, with your shiny hair and skin and glowing smiles. Just remember to smile, and look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself and say out loud how nice you look today and what a good person you are and how many people care about you.
I know your parent's divorce is a very upsetting thing, this doesn't' have anything to do with you or you being a bad kid, your parents love you very much and realize they too are going through a tough time and can seem hard to reach. But reach out to them anyway and tell them how you are feeling, keep talking to them so they can reassure you that things will be OK.
Now your dog having cancer, boy that's a tough one, I know it is a hard decision, but if the dog is dying, the kindest thing to do would be for your parents to take it to the vet and have it put to sleep, out of it's misery. My father's lab got cancer and you could just tell she was ready to go, it was very sad to lose her. They say that life is a series of dogs, because us dog lovers will most likely always have a dog in our lives and they don't live as long as we do (if we're the lucky ones) so we get to love a lot of dogs in our lives. And we do we love them all and they love us unconditionally, that is what makes them so special. So be a friend to your dog and make sure that it's comfortable and doesn't suffer any more than it has to...
I have a niece and nephew who are 14, and they just started high school, and they are small for their age and pretty nervous about going to school with the bigger kids, but they are excited, too. They are as cute as they can be. Just remember, you can't get your self esteem from what other people think about you, or how they judge your physical beauty, because you can't control that. But you can achieve some self esteem just by being a good person and loving yourself first is a good step towards being kind to others because every human beings biggest fear is rejection. So those girls that you think are so pretty fear rejection from others just as much as you do, so how do you think it would make them feel to know that you are jealous of them? You can't accept someone for who they are if you are jealous of them, so in your own way your jealousy is a rejection of them, and that hurts! Every person has their own unique beauty and gifts, and it helps to know that we all go through some tough times in life, not one of us gets a free pass.
Part of being a good person is to also accept those compliments that others give us, it shows we like ourselves and we like them too and appreciate their kind words and deeds. You are pretty, no one is telling you anything differently and if they did, you should never believe them! (They're probably jealous)
Any way, I hope this helps you a bit to know that some of what you are going through is normal for a person your age, you have a lot to look forward to, you're still a kid so try not to take on any adult problems and let your parents deal with the big stuff, OK?
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